Stuck on an edit. Help review my docu style commercial video so far!

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PeterR

Member
I'm a bit stuck in the editing phase for a commercial I filmed for a local non profit helping immigrants settle and assimilate their kids. I interviewed 10 different people including the kids/peer mentors, staff of the non profit, and the kids parents. Now I'm editing and I'm stuck because my approach seems to be to put all the stories back to back with semi relevant b roll in between. I still have about 3-4 more interviews I have to include and I'm not liking the flow as of yet.


Also, having a hell of a time with the opening.


Can you guys have a quick watch of what I have and please offer your suggestions/feedback for improving this edit and how I might incorporate the remainder of the footage? Here it is: http://youtu.be/Kn6O09o9yN0


And in case anyone really wants to get into it, here are the full interviews unedited over 2.5hours http://youtu.be/16B-pFeaEQA
 
Every presentation must have a purpose. You have stated that you want to produce a commercial. Why? I see no objective, no reason expressed. It is beautiful footage and with good testimonial comments, but to what end.
The editing is nice, but where are you going?

A commercial must answer a problem; money solicitation, support, community awareness, volunteer participation, etc. . . and this must be determined ahead of time in order to write and plan the presentation and write a script that answers the objectives.

I suggest that you outline your project, write out a rough script that asks for the order and utilizes your footage toward completing the message and project. At this point a VO announcer can help steer the project.
 
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I think the above hits the nail on the head. A few more thoughts along those lines.

1. I have a very hard time hearing the voiceover in the beginning, and also during parts of the entire piece. Maybe ride the music down in certain places. There's also some bleed through audio in a couple places (unless that's the Terrence Malick whisper technique).

2. For me everything needs to be more explanatory, you need to explain why I'm watching this.
At the 0:20 second mark you've set up a perfect lead-in ("is this actually possible for you to do?"), a perfect opportunity to expound, but it's not carried through. Who is the "you", what is the "this"? The intro visuals are compelling, but I'm confused by the messaging. What is the overall purpose of the piece and what roll do all the participants fill? Fill in the narrative blanks at 0:20 and I think that will help considerably.

3. Why doesn't the B-roll family match the first interview subject? It really confused me going in.

4. I would hide the jump cuts in the interviews with cutaways.

Overall there needs to be more narrative structure, I think your assuming too much understanding from the audience. Either the intro needs to explain more or the interviews need to tell your story in a linear, concise fashion. Cut out anything that doesn't further your intention, be precise with the narrative and eliminate everything else.
 
Additionally:

"Commercials" are traditionally thought of as being 15-seconds, 30-seconds, 60-seconds and occasionally, 120-seconds. You are currently at over 3 minutes. You will have to dramatically cut material or possibly get a one-time local news program "featurette" position. Or, you might have an application other that as a commercial for your material.
 
Open with a kid saying something poignant to the message, somebody articulate, keep it short and sweet. Chop it to 1.5 minutes tops. The music sounds of despair, something more outgoing, up beat. Show more kids in action involved with the program. See what happens. Layout your narrative interviews first, insert scenes and b-roll, then music
 
All good suggestions. I personally would start with about 5db less piano in the beginning. I personally would also just pull a tag line out of the opening dialog. "Is this really possible?" was in the opening. Then show whats possible. The lighting of the interviews was really nice. The counter desaturated look contrasting it was to much for me. There is lots of potencial there and you know it needs to be cut down, those decisions are never easy but some of the most rewarding. I really like the interview look. Rather pro Id say
 
That is a bit of a mess.

What if there was a dramatization at the beginning to establish who should be watching this video? Immigrants who have no idea what they're doing can call the number, go to the website (repeatedly shown) and get help with a, b, c, d and e.

Right now, the central purpose is too muddy.
 
It's been a while and I decided after yours and other suggestions to redo the entire thing with more structure. I'm still editing and only have until tomorrow to make final changes, then I have to lock the video and color it. Anyway, if you have minor suggestions/tweaks and transition ideas or title ideas (something that doesn't involve moving the stories), let me know your thoughts and I'll take them into consideration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nL6tzimFXo
 
Huge difference, very nice and worth the effort it must have taken you!

I would probably drop your title slate in at the 0:32 mark after the first interview segments.
Still seems a little long to me, but you know the audience and intended use so your call.

Congratulations, well done!
 
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