Some Obscure Formatting Questions
- Thread starter vcassel
- Start date
laughingcrows
Member
Looking at craigslist on the big screen isn't that exciting. If it's that important that we see the type of jobs he's going for while dishing out a little exposition, show him in a series of scenes calling about jobs while going about the day to day stuff he does.
VICTOR (20ish) is in line at a felafel stand at the beach. He's walking a poodle, two s**tzus and some giant, unruly dog while holding a cellphone with his shoulder.
VICTOR
(on cellphone)
Uh, hi, yeah ... um, I'm calling about the uh ....
Some PEOPLE in line ahead of him turn back, give him a look. They're eavesdropping now. He turns away for privacy but finds the guy in line behind him is eavesdropping as well but he's not about to give up his spot in line.
VICTOR
(quietly into cellphone)
The reality show positions you had posted in the-- ---- ---- ----
(louder)
The show! The reality show. You had some positions you--
(louder)
The reality show! A reality show!
Now everyone including the FALAFEL STAND GUY is listening. Victor doesn't care anymore, he needs the job.
VICTOR
(into cellphone)
Yes, I'm calling about the-- ---- ----- Canceled? ---- Really? Already? ---- ---- ---- Alright, thanks.
He hangs up to find the poodle pooped in line. Everyone's disgusted.
FALAFUL STAND GUY
Here's some reality, clean that up. Now.
VICTOR
Is it a paying gig?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Or whatever he might be doing, you get the point.
VICTOR (20ish) is in line at a felafel stand at the beach. He's walking a poodle, two s**tzus and some giant, unruly dog while holding a cellphone with his shoulder.
VICTOR
(on cellphone)
Uh, hi, yeah ... um, I'm calling about the uh ....
Some PEOPLE in line ahead of him turn back, give him a look. They're eavesdropping now. He turns away for privacy but finds the guy in line behind him is eavesdropping as well but he's not about to give up his spot in line.
VICTOR
(quietly into cellphone)
The reality show positions you had posted in the-- ---- ---- ----
(louder)
The show! The reality show. You had some positions you--
(louder)
The reality show! A reality show!
Now everyone including the FALAFEL STAND GUY is listening. Victor doesn't care anymore, he needs the job.
VICTOR
(into cellphone)
Yes, I'm calling about the-- ---- ----- Canceled? ---- Really? Already? ---- ---- ---- Alright, thanks.
He hangs up to find the poodle pooped in line. Everyone's disgusted.
FALAFUL STAND GUY
Here's some reality, clean that up. Now.
VICTOR
Is it a paying gig?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Or whatever he might be doing, you get the point.
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I think what you have there with the computer monitor is fine regarding your formatting question.
However, I do have to agree with Laughingcrows that showing him applying to jobs through Craigslist is not a very dynamic way to introduce your character, though it depends on what your movie is going to be about.
I always try to make a point to eliminate story beats that will be made redundant by later scenes. So if you were going to show him applying to a bunch of jobs, going to a bunch of interviews, and getting a bunch of rejections, why not cut straight to the interviews / rejections? It is obvious that he applied for the jobs if he is at the interview, and honestly it is more interesting to reveal who he is through how he deals with the interviews & rejections than with him sending out his CV / CL.
Another example would be a character going on a blind date. Why show all of the machinations of the date being setup, when you can simply have the character tell a buddy he has a blind date that night but he's having doubts about whether to cancel or not? It's shorter and to the point, and it makes all of the setup redundant.
If your movie is about your character applying for (or accepting) a job sight-unseen through the internet, which gets him into trouble, what you have is great.
However, if it is about him going through a long, arduous job search, I think it would be better to cut straight to the many rejections. Have him cold-calling and dropping his resume off a lot of places and being immediately rejected.
In my opinion, that would make your character seem more active and interesting, and it makes the rejections more heartfelt to the audience, because the guy is really working hard to get himself out there. If the character just sits around in his house all-day sending out cookie-cutter CV/CLs, he's not as interesting, and it makes sense that he is not getting the offers, because he isn't really getting himself out there.
However, I do have to agree with Laughingcrows that showing him applying to jobs through Craigslist is not a very dynamic way to introduce your character, though it depends on what your movie is going to be about.
I always try to make a point to eliminate story beats that will be made redundant by later scenes. So if you were going to show him applying to a bunch of jobs, going to a bunch of interviews, and getting a bunch of rejections, why not cut straight to the interviews / rejections? It is obvious that he applied for the jobs if he is at the interview, and honestly it is more interesting to reveal who he is through how he deals with the interviews & rejections than with him sending out his CV / CL.
Another example would be a character going on a blind date. Why show all of the machinations of the date being setup, when you can simply have the character tell a buddy he has a blind date that night but he's having doubts about whether to cancel or not? It's shorter and to the point, and it makes all of the setup redundant.
If your movie is about your character applying for (or accepting) a job sight-unseen through the internet, which gets him into trouble, what you have is great.
However, if it is about him going through a long, arduous job search, I think it would be better to cut straight to the many rejections. Have him cold-calling and dropping his resume off a lot of places and being immediately rejected.
In my opinion, that would make your character seem more active and interesting, and it makes the rejections more heartfelt to the audience, because the guy is really working hard to get himself out there. If the character just sits around in his house all-day sending out cookie-cutter CV/CLs, he's not as interesting, and it makes sense that he is not getting the offers, because he isn't really getting himself out there.
polfilmblog
Well-known member
Agree with them. My first thought was: He wants the audience to read all this crap?
vcassel
Veteran
Guys, thanks for the help, but I've since dropped the project for greener pastures and this is no longer relevant. Strange how a dead thread with no initial interest can suddenly sprout legs and run away when I'm not looking.
Anyways, thanks again and keep up the insights; I always value them.
Anyways, thanks again and keep up the insights; I always value them.
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