Short I DP'd - Critique my work!

[TimTom]

Hey people of DVXuser,

this short is really dirty, actors were young*and supposed to have blemished skin, light is harsh on*purpose.*
We had two 4x4 Kinos, Aputure 120D, *Ice light, two 2x2 light mats.
One AC, one gaffer.*
Shot on BMPCC4K*with Tokina 28-70 2.6-2.8 (great vintage zoom) for*handheld/more gritty stuff and Sigma 18-35/50-100 for the more colorful studio (the director wanted two different worlds).
Budget was 1K€. 75% went to camera and lighting rental, 25% food.
The director will go places, pretty sure.

Let me know what you think!
Link:*

https://vimeo.com/385318588


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[Guest]

Sick! Love it!

 

[puredrifting]

Good stuff, it looks very geared toward commercial/fashion/music video work? I don't get much of a narrative from it but it's cool.

 

[cyclone]

Positives:
I see examples of wonderful still work (framing and lighting, as shown by the examples pulled).
I appreciate the editing and art direction of some of the sequences - especially how it was distressed.
It succeeded in having the feel of film for me.
Comments:
I don't get it. Maybe I'm not the target.
Disclaimers aren't necessary when it works.
What are the asterisks for?
A valid question from the OP might be, "Why are you commenting on the words when this is a visual piece?"
Fair enough. My answer would be, "I want to be sure that I understand the intent of the piece."
The sequences seem to be stand-alone pieces for me.
One sequence that didn't work for me visually was the slow motion, billowing plastic sequence. I think that it needed a better piece of plastic from the art/prop department. As it is currently executed, my eye is drawn away from the actress.
I also took the time to look at other examples of the work on the Vimeo site. My opinion is that most of it is stronger than this piece.