Short Film/Movie Trailer Idea. Need Constructive Criticism and Ideas!

N

ND-Redemption

Member
Ok, for my T.V. Production class we have to make a movie trailer. (Im in high school)
I need some help getting the idea off the ground.

Heres what I have:
Short Film Idea
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Black Screen Voice over:
"Everyone always said I was special"

Cut to:
Shot of a person running, just there feet.

Back to black screen:
"They Were Right"

Cut to:
A mugging.
Mugger knees dude in face. Face is bloody.

Cut to:
Feet running

Cut To:
He runs into the mugging
He pulls a gun onto him.
Words are exchanged.
He puts the gun up to his head and the gun just clicks
he then does a force push and he goes flying.
Cop car skids at end of alleyway.
He takes off

Cut To:
Him running some more.
Voice over of "I am (name), and this is my story.
Music plays

Cut to:
Some sort of titles.
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Thats all I have as a rough copy now.
So if you could tell me how i could make it better and also give me an idea for the name I would really appreciate it.
So tell me what you think.

Also, Id eventually like to make this into a full short film so if you guys can think of anymore plot line ideas that be great.

Thanks, Nick.
 
I don't think you have much here. There is simply a man saving someone from being mugged. You need to brainstorm and come up with something you would like to see.
 
that would only really work if it were a teaser trailer to a movie based on a comic book thats already incredibly popular. if it's a trailer, make up a basic story for this guy and show us some of that. I do like the motif of the feet and not showing the guy's face right away
 
Thanks for posting a sample Nick. I think you have some elements that are helping create interest and some that might deserve further consideration:

Cool:
-Conflict. There's a dude mugging someone and he gets whupped by the protagonist
-Supernatural elements. The protagonist seems to have superhuman powers (telekinesis or something similar)
-Short & Sweet. It's a trailer, so it doesn't have a lot of time to lose our interest. It's short and sweet.

Not So Cool:
-Clarity. Parts of the teaser could use clarification. "He runs into the mugging. He pulls a gun onto him." Who's doing what to whom?
-Originality. I saw "Push" (to my dismay), which also has a telekinetic hero. There are lots of other stories out there with this element. How can you make your idea original, unique, and fun?
-Formatting. Read a few good screenplays to get a sense of the formatting. This is probably just a rough idea sketch, but implementing proper formatting is important for your story's clarity and impact.

Hope that helps and good luck on the project!
 
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