Short film critique - Aviation industry

azonicbruce

azonicbruce

Active member
Since I know there are a lot of professionals on these boards, I know I'll be able to get to good, frank feedback as to the things I need to improve upon, even if it is harsh. My main desire is to know the areas I'm weakest in so that I can focus on improving them.

I work in the aviation industry and wanted to create a piece that showcases what we do, but also tries to help people feel proud to work here (or if you don't work there, want to come work for a place like ours). This is my first attempt to really try and tell a story. In the past I've always been really good at throwing random clips to music, and I suspect there's still quite a bit of that going on here with this piece, but this was the first one I actually attempted to storyboard and try to fill in the gaps.

Keep in mind the piece is still in-work so areas like the credits are still not complete. I'd like to focus feedback strictly on the main portion (the first 4-1/2 min).

Take Flight - No Titles
https://vimeo.com/113040227
pw: oactakeflight

One thing I'm debating right now is whether or not adding titles with inspirational quotes and our company values adds to the overall impact or whether it distracts. Here is the version with Titles:

Take Flight - With Titles
https://vimeo.com/113040226
pw: oactakeflight

Any and all feedback welcome. Here are a few areas in particular I'm curious about:
  1. Was I successful in "telling a story"? If so, what was the story as you saw it?
  2. Which shots contributed, or had the most impact to the piece, which were just fluff? (just note time in video)
  3. Lighting - Any shots that stood out to you as well lit, or poorly lit, or just need post work?
  4. Audio - I know my piece lacks audio elements that could add to the impact. Any particular areas where I could have/should have added in some audio?
  5. Tempo/style - I know this style of editing isn't everyone's cup of tea. Do you think in general I could have had more impact by choosing a different style?
  6. Technical - Any shots that stood out to you as too dark, too light, bad color, too shaky, etc.
 
OMG, amazing raw material

These are my initial thoughts; it's slightly too long.

1) cut the opening shot of the factory; start with the plane flying past the clouds; its amazing scenery

2) the opening logos could then be over-layed on the dusk scene of the factory


3) cut ALL the low-down wide angle shots of the factory; it’s a shed and doesn’t really add anything


4) I would cut out at 00:29 and back in at 00:57


5) At 1:27 you kind of repeat a shot - wide shot showing hangar doors opening


same for the close-up of the back of workers showing “One Team”
same for close up of lathe


6) cut from 3:04 to 3:20


7) either cut 3:20 to 3:27 or bring it in earlier with the other factory footage.


8) 3:28 to 3:50 is great; 3:51 to 3:54 - maybe it would be better to show this furniture inside the plane ? If that’s not possible, cut it


9) 3:55 to 4:20, cut
 
First of all,amazing stuff!!! Very well done,I have watched a no title version and I got it immediately - it shows company as a team,as a live organism,it simply says hey look at us,we are cool!

Now editing - at around 2:15 I thought this music is kinda repetitive. At 2:30 I thought I have seen it all,you no longer impress me,that is when I minimized the window and started skipping. So,I would say make it 2:30 - 3 mins absolute maximum and finish big. Finish on the best shot. So it stays in your memory!

Good luck ;p
 
What these guys said. Great footage but the overall piece is a bit long. I would ditch the timelapse shots of clouds and such since while they're very pretty, they have little to do with the story told in this edit.

I think honestly a well-lit, well-spoken talking head that's mostly voiceover, if done right, perhaps in an educational way, could do a lot to bring the piece together a bit more cohesively. That's a whole different piece really, but you have such a lot of b roll you could make a really great mini-doc.
 
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