Second Shortmovie - The passion of dancing

O

Orangeday

Member
Hello,

I want to present my second short movie.
You can watch it here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr2GtTLFh3g&feature=youtu.be

I know, the story course could be better, especially the breakup and the scene in the club would need more power. Also light and audio needs improvement the next time.
I would be very thanksfull if you could comment it here and tell me what you think.


Also, I'm already working on my next script at the moment. This time I will film it on my native language with better preperation, better light and better audio. The problem is, that I can't get any critique because there are no good filmmaker forums in my language. Would someone read and critizise it if I would translate it to english? It has about 15 sites
 
The best thing, Orangeday, is that you're actually out there writing and shooting narrative short films and trying to learn from them, which is something surprisingly few people actually do. Good for you. Doing is the only way to really learn. If you've got a third one in the works, you've already done more than a lot of people do in a whole year.

I will say that this one, though, seems like it was a step backwards from the last one in terms of technique. You didn't have the camera instincts and shot compositions of the last one, where you seemed to naturally get how to frame up shots and be somewhat artistic with the camera. The editing also wasn't as good with this one.

Areas to improve: sound recording, which will be a matter of technique. It seems as though the microphone is on the camera, but you need to get it a lot closer to your actors.

Set design; avoid having bare walls -- you had a lot of them here.

Motivated lighting -- the shape of the lighting on your actors -- where the shadows are -- needs to make some sense with the area you are in. The light needs to look more like it's coming from windows or lights which are seen in the room.

I don't want to go to far into it on just your second film, but I'd watch your first film again and try to see the ways you did things a little better in that one.
 
Hell David,

thanks for your critique!
Sadly I filmed both of the films while I did a semester in Spain and cut them after coming back, so I didnt noticed my mistakes from the first movie while I did the second. Now where I'm back in my home country, I have some advantages and some disatvantages: I have all my camera and light equipment here, my computer and my DVDs to get inspiration BUT: I can't find any actors :( It's like another world, in Spain everyone was really excited to make new experience and try out new things, here everyone is just focussed on work.

But I wrote down your critique and I will try a lot harder to plan everything this time.
Hopefully I can find some actors soon and present a new project with a better story and better technical realization soon.
 
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