Scripture - hiro

Well maybe. It's hard to tell from the finished version if what is wrong was the sript or the editing. To me this seems like a lot of material and a longer film chopped off. But yes, it could be the script that is fragmented like that, what I think would be even worse, because it wouldn't even allow for a larger cut. Editing, is about timing, about cuts, about style, but it is mainly about storytelling. Today, someone that is just computer oriented just goes into the editing carrer, but today, most editors don't realize editing, is not only post production (making thinkgs look good), as it is filmaking almost in its essence. The editor should have definitive script decisions that should help move along the story. Including cutting scenes, or changing the sequences order.

I hope this is a case of a bad cut, because I really look forward for a longer cut of this...
 
this one looked great to me, very stylish. but i agree that the story got a bit hard to follow.

the opening scene is one of my favs though, it really creeped me out. good job
 
hiro said:
Its pretty evident that my story is confusing so what Im gonna do is work on the extend version. This movie wasn't made for a 5 minute time limit.
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Looking forward to seeing that version.
 
Hiro,

I really enjoyed this flick, I thought the editing was fast and many but I like that type of editing. The look of your scenes is remarkable, very professional. Only thing that really bothered me was the guy in black, I saw younger son of the pro wrestler the Undertaker. Your story worked well for the age of the cast you had. I say story, but like many have said, it was hard to follow in that short amount of time, I look forward to the longer version. Nice work.
 
lol, thats a new one. One of the actors said he look like the zombie version of michael jackson. When the voting is over I got tons of bts pics to post. The new version is coming along great, the look of the movie will be totally different, i did away with the MB, it will definetly be longer.. we'll see.
 
NOTE: I've not read the previous posts, so this could be repeat. Even though the film sheet I downloaded has this film listed under Duffdaddy, I knew it was Hiro's work ... had the look, and I also recognized the actress from Scriptless.

I ranked this well above average, with GREAT editing, shots & score, but in the end I just didn't get it ... especially the paper at the end, etc.

  1. At 0:27, I've got to ask, was that all post or did you record that from playing on a TV? ... loved the angle.
  2. Up to 0:59, probably some of the tightest, best & most impressive editing talent I've seen in the fest, period ... especially with regards to FX, timing, overall finesse, etc.
  3. 1:25 Why's she chasing after him with a gun?
  4. 1:34 his fall/attack wasn't convincing ... perhaps shown more of it (i.e. the fall). Looked like a quick cut/cover up just to avoid stunt/injury issues.
  5. 1:46 Meant to squeeze the trigger, accidentally releases the magazine. OOPS!
  6. 1:57+ a little too much diffusion/MB
  7. 2:36 Is the camera lense especially dirty here?
  8. 3:21 There are so many close ups, and not enough far/medium shots that it's sometimes disorienting, not knowing our line of site, where we are, etc.
  9. 4:11 LOVE the time elapsed clouds ... GREAT shot!
  10. 3:46 - 4:10 Nice emotional scene
  11. 4:20+ Some great editing/camera, just not understanding why going with such a stark different CC (a dream?).
  12. Still don't understand the ending (watching it again now), the paper, the symbols, etc.
Overall, great work Hiro, but as far as a story (and I could just be the stupid one here), I'm not understanding it.
 
Visually I liked this piece alot. Shot very well and edited well. The story was confusing and very hard to follow. Like it has been said before, maybe it was that it was cut down to five minutes, if thats so I'd love to see more.

Great work visually. I really liked the feel of this one.

Robert
 
I loved it! I didn't know what was going on and didn't care. Good makeup lots of action and very cinematic. I was entertained. Thumbs up!
 
Envision said:
. . . probably some of the tightest, best & most impressive editing
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DITTO! Great ****in' work, Hiro. That's the TIGHTEST thing I've seen in the contest! AND you have the most hot chicks! KUDOS! For style, your short kicks all ass! VERY slick!
 
Hey Dude,

I just saw this for 1st time, while Beta testing DVD.

Look, feel, acting, very commercial / entertaining / pro / nice to wacth!

Cast excellent! They could have walked right off the set of whatever the kids are watching these days -- Party of 5, Dawson's Creek -- no I think its the OC now, though I've never seen that one, and right on to yours. I may try to steal a couple of them, in fact, if I ever get some money to make a "real film".

You have a great story idea but it was not delivered to the standard you set in all other areas of production. There were 3 or 4 major beats that were missing and there was a perspective problem, addressing those would've fixed everything -- even in a 5 minute film -- if your interested I'll lay 'em on you.

I hope you're doing a scifi, and I can't wait to see it dude. I really did enjoywatching your film and your BTS!

Jack
 
Oops. Jdanstan, I missed this post a while back. Now its january... im late. Thx for the comments... I'll love to hear your suggestions how to fix things... im always willing to hear what other people are thinking... it will help make me better as a filmmaker and im sure it will be beneficial to everyone.

I'm hoping to do some filming for the sci-fi.
 
hiro said:
Thx for watching, let me have it! I've seen the film so many times that I can't really critque it myself for improvement. I feel like at this point of time its the best I can do and from here on out, I'll do better hopefully. Can't do it without your critques!
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Where canI see it @?​
 
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