Screenplay finished... its just not finished

[Mokkie]

Hey people, im doing an independent study this semester for school. For it my co director and myself are writing, producing, shooting and editing a ~25 min short, i come to you all to read the screenplay and tell me what you like what you dont and what just seems unnatural. I appreciate any help on this thanks a lot.

PM me and il send you the PDF

Again Thanks

Mokkie

 

[Randall_Oelerich]

Hey people, im doing an independent study this semester for school. For it my co director and myself are writing, producing, shooting and editing a ~25 min short, i come to you all to read the screenplay and tell me what you like what you dont and what just seems unnatural. I appreciate any help on this thanks a lot. PM me and il send you the PDF
Mokkie

If I knew you better maybe, But wow, you have been hanging around here on dvxuser for a total of, uh, 1 post? Pass.

 

[texvanwinkle]

With respect, that's your job. I'm serious. This kind of random feedback will tell you approximately nothing about how to fix your story. You need to be in command of your story and take your audience where you want to go. Your request here is a recipe for disaster. Figure out what your story is and tell that story. If people like it, you succeeded. If not, learn from it and move on.