Screenplay feedback, 5 pages

Mailliw87

Mailliw87

Active member
Hi,

I could really use with some feedback on a 5 page screenplay I wrote.

The plan is to extend this 5 pager to a 20-30 min film, I'm trying to locate structural and story problems, plot holes etc and the positive things of the script, and perhaps what I could extend on.

I'm also trying to decide whether I should go ahead and extend it or if I'd be wasting my time..

Thanks in advance,
William
 
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Why can't you attach it as a PDF to a posting here? If you need to, OpenOffice is free at openoffice.org and allows exporting of text files to PDF, as do most screenwriting software editors.

Personally, unless I was paid I would only want to help with screenplay critique if the script and comments are publicly viewable, so the world as well as you can benefit (or not, depending on how usable or unusable my critique was, LOL).

Mailliw87 said:
...I can't upload anything yet and I don't have it uploaded to any websites, perhaps I could e-mail it to you?
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I thought that it was the member upload I was supposed to use, I know how to upload now though.

But I see what you mean about the feedback being viewable here on the board.

/William
 
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Great, now hopefully a few people (or a million! depending on who on planet earth is watching this thread!) can chime in for discussing scenes, etc.

Mailliw87 said:
I thought that it was the member upload I was supposed to use, I know how to upload now though. But I see what you mean about the feedback being viewable here on the board. William
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I had a bit of a hard time following the script, a bit unconventional writing style, but I did read through it and it looks to be an interesting artistic style short film, a bit of abstractional art. Looks like you will have fun with it, go with it! If you have not watched these films go rent them, as I see your story as partially derivative in a small way of these films, and maybe watching these films will spark some ideas to extend your story: Being John Malkovich, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Good luck!
Randall
 
Thanks Randall for your comment and for taking your time to read it.

I've seen both of those films, love em, I swear I didn't try to copy any of them though :P
 
I did not mean to imply you copied them; your story is different, just slightly derivative, along some similar veins in theme and such; and that is a good thing. Hollywood is scared of anything too different. So you want both new and similar in your story. Done all the time in screenplays.

Mailliw87 said:
Thanks Randall for your comment and for taking your time to read it. I've seen both of those films, love em, I swear I didn't try to copy any of them though :P
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Ah, I didn't feel you implied I copied, It's just what I've heard from people reading it; that the script reminded them a bit about Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind.

Thanks again for reading it. I'm gonna try and sit down this weekend with it, though I'm sort of lacking inspiration for the script at the moment.

/William
 
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