Screen Writer Issue

Abu Reno

Abu Reno

Well-known member
Hi everyone,

I met a screen play writer online and decided that I only wanted to work with him/her if they were local. I guess you can say this narrowed my selection. I thought it would be a good idea to do this since the writer and I would have a better connection. Wrong! I had an outline completed and thought that, ok here's my outline give me a final script. Boy was I wrong. I should have written it myself. 90% of the story is mine and the dialogue is his. BTW that's what I'm very unhappy with now after fixing the story. The dialogue is short, cheezy, and needs to be worked on bad. I'm trying very hard to do this myself. I find to believe that I only have so much I can offer and that this is not my role. I've directed, shot, edited, visual fx, steadicam and am very happy with those skills. We agreed to $XX and 3%. What am I to do? I don't think this guy got what it takes because I've spilled my guts out explaining what I want. I can really use some advice. I guess I should mention that this an action/drama movie "Inspired by a true story". This is my first feature and am very excited to get started but scared at the same time. :embarasse
 
Did you sign any contract? Was the money for his script or was it only for when the script is produced? Usually if you're not happy with a script you just pay the writer a set amount for his effort and go look somewhere else.
 
jade8472 said:
Did you sign any contract? Was the money for his script or was it only for when the script is produced? Usually if you're not happy with a script you just pay the writer a set amount for his effort and go look somewhere else.
Click to expand...

I signed a contract that my attorney wrote. The money up front was for his services helping me write this movie.

Still unsure of what to do here.
 
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Abu Reno said:
I signed a contract the my attorney wrote. The money up front was for his services helping me write this movie.

Still unsure of what to do here.
Click to expand...

Only thing left to do is call the guy, says sorry it doesn't work out, pay him his fee (I see you did already) and move on to another writer. Obviously he won't be getting his X% of the movie gross (unless your attorney was dumb enough not to insert the clause "if the script is produced"). It sucks that it's going to cost you money and time, but if this writer isn't fulfilling your vision then it's time to move on.
 
jade8472 said:
Only thing left to do is call the guy, says sorry it doesn't work out, pay him his fee (I see you did already) and move on to another writer. Obviously he won't be getting his X% of the movie gross (unless your attorney was dumb enough not to insert the clause "if the script is produced"). It sucks that it's going to cost you money and time, but if this writer isn't fulfilling your vision then it's time to move on.
Click to expand...

So now that I've made up my mind and chose to move on to another writer. What am I looking for? Experience obviously. Do I also look for someone who has written action/drama scripts before or does it matter? Stay local or try to work with someone over the net?
 
Go definity for the dramatic action experiance. Try to see the script every 10 pages maybe, if somethings not right maybe you can point them in the right direction slightly. As long as there enthusiastic about the project as much as you then you should be alright.

Experiance isn't always everything but going back to the genres, it does help. I personally don't think it matters with the local/internet option. Obviously if the persons just around the corner then thats grand. They can come along to the film set and all sorts also. You may be streching across the world to find someone in New Zealand, whilst really the person you want is the person on the end of you're street without realising it. It's up to you.

The only advice I can really give is try to see a sample of an action/drama piece before you get started, aswell as the every 10 page idea. It must be a real pain in the ass to pay the guy money after really not getting anything usefull though, sorry about that. I guess this crap happens in life though.

All the best.

=]
 
Thanks for the last post. I was leaning towards that idea and wanted to make sure it was cool. I guess I'll have to move on. Ya it really sux having to pay this guy for services and waste so much time. Thanks again!
 
Definitely ask for samples of work before you get started. And if the project is a feature, try to get your hands on a feature script the candidate has written! Of course, some extremely talented writers may just not have a finished feature yet, and will work out fine, but writing a feature is a slightly different art from writing a short.
 
The sample given, came off as an extremely cliched action sequence that's been done innumerable times in film already, and to be honest nothing in that sequence really struck me as interesting or fresh. To be blunt, if this is the work that your collaborator has produced, I can only assume one of two thing about him or her, although both likely apply. The first; He or she has yet to ever actually write a screenplay, and has little Idea of how a screenplay is properly written and or formatted, and 2; He or she has little to no experience with dramatic/subjective writing.
IMHO, I'd say if your serious about the success of your project, a new writer is a given.
 
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First let me say, I'm not a professional screenwriter, nor do I play one on television :grin: but I have studied screenwriting for several years now, have written several shorts and am collaborating on a couple features. So, all that to say, take what I say with a grain of salt :)



Wow! I'm sorry ... that was terrible. This guy is clearly not a screenwriter and is not much better as a writer in general.

It feels cliche, but if it fits into the overall story then that can be ok. It's way too wordy and spends more time directing the camera than telling the story. It's only two pieces of dialog so it's hard to know for sure if he can write dialog or not, perhaps this is just a bad example, but based on what's here the dialog is too much like written language, rather than spoken language. It's a chore to read through even those two pieces of dialog.

I'm not sure what "blow back..." and "blow out..." mean, I'm assuming it's referring to some form of transition??

I don't know your story so I can't make real changes to the sample, but I played around with it a bit and here's what I came up with. Might give you ideas ... or not. Use it, modify it, ignore it at your leisure :)


Code: 
          EXT. COLLISION SHOP - DAY

          A car stops in front of the shop.

          INT. CAR - DAY

          Inside the car, SAMER 'SONNY' DAUD (19 and stocky), shakes a
          couple pills from a pill bottle and swallows them without
          water.

                              ROCKY (V.O.)
                    Samer Daud, his friends call him
                    Sonny. No one here is his friend.

          Sonny tosses the bottle in the back seat where it strikes
          several other similar, empty bottles.

          INT. COLLISION SHOP - DAY

          Several EMPLOYEES work on numerous cars around the shop.

          JOHNNY heads toward the door.

                              JOHNNY
                    See ya sucka's later.

          No one looks up from their work. Johnny gives one last look
          around and heads out the door.

          As the door slams shut two gun shots ring out from outside.
          The other employees drop their tools and pull guns from
          various hiding places.

          The OWNER pulls a gun from his boot as he motions to PETER
          to check it out.

          The door suddenly explodes inward as Peter reaches for the
          knob. He is knocked out cold. Sonny looks around the shop,
          confident. Then he kicks Peter on the ground. Peter groans
          in pain.

                              OWNER
                    Sonny, you know it's been slow.
                    I'll get Remo his money, I swear.

          Sonny walks over to the OWNER. He turns and looks at the
          other employees. They take their cue and bolt for the door.

          The Owner tries to move away, but Sonny is quicker and
          strikes him in the face. The Owner hits the ground.
 
                              OWNER
                    Augh! My nose! You broke my nose!

          Sonny grabs an air sander from a nearby workbench. He fires
          it up as he bends down next to the owner.

          The Owner screams in pain and the nearby car is splattered
          with blood.

                              ROCKY (V.O.)
                    When Remo is cheated, Sonny takes
                    it personally.

                                                        FADE OUT:
Peace,
Larry
 
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Larry,

I had a smile on my face reading that. That's what I'm talking about. I can't seem to get this kind of work out of him. However, I think I have found someone to really help me get this going. I've decided to use someone over the net right from DVXuser. This site has been so helpful! I am upset and relieved at the same time.
 
Cool, glad you enjoyed it...and good news about finding someone to work with. There are some great writers around these parts, so hopefully things will be looking up for you :thumbsup:

If you want some feedback/critique/notes on the script once it's written, just give me a holler :)
 
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