Scene location: series of shots or a montage, or what????

W

WhereDreamsAreBorn

Carbonite Member
Hi guys just need a ;ittle advice about something.

In the opening of my script, we are outside of a location (lets just day a large new york skyscraper or something).

The we go into this location INT - SKYCRAPER - NIGHT and in the following scene description i say something along the lines of:

Everything is quiet and still. There is nobody around, just derelict hallways. Offices are empty. The lobby is devoid of activity. etc etc, wtc.

Basically in the script (and the movie in my head) the we move through various rooms.locations within the building, to show that there is not asingle person there. Baiscally everyone has disappeared.

But I mention specific locations in the scene decription like 'office', 'Lobby', 'security desk', etc.

So my question is if its ok to mention these specific locations with the scene description, or do i have to list each one with a new slugline.

Thanks
 
If you're directing the script yourself, you can do whatever you want.

If you're writing spec, the first thing you need to do is eliminate the word "is" from your descriptions altogether. It's passive and you want your script to be active.

I would go with INT. SKYSCRAPER - NIGHT for the slugline then just write what we'll be seeing...



INT. SKYSCRAPER - NIGHT

Silence. Shadows from outside dance across a darkened, empty lobby.

A phone atop the unmanned security desk RINGS and RINGS until it stops, unanswered.

A mouse scurries down a long, quiet hallway lined by darkened offices before ducking beneath a closed door.




That's how I'd handle what you're describing, but like I said, if you're directing the film yourself you can do it however you want.
 
Hey thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.

Could you please elaborate on the word 'IS' being passive though. I never really thought of it lie that. I see the word used in hundreds of scripts.

I always write as if things are happening right now in the present, as opposed to past tense and stuff. (But i am not sure if you are really making the point that its in the past tense).

So what do you mean exactly when you say passive?

Thanks.
 
Passive voice:

Mary is flying a kite in an open field.

Active voice:

Mary runs along the field, pulling the string of a high-flying kite behind her.

Or something like that. Which is more interesting, and gives a more descriptive image?

If you're writing a spec script, which is meant to grab someone's attention, you want it to be an enjoyable, engaging read. You have to follow correct form and do all the technical things correctly, but you have a bit of freedom to be somewhat literary and keep the reader engaged. Ultimately, that's what spec scripts are for. The passive voice is more boring.
 
I think David summarized what I was getting at perfectly. I couldn't it explain it any better than that.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top