Rough Cut Notes

[vladwolodarsky]

Is there a place on DVXuser to get notes on works in progress? This is the best place I could find, but I might have overlooked something.

I've been working on a video for a while and and our final shooting day is coming up soon. I've cut together a rough cut and I am trying to find the missing pieces to pick up on the final shoot day.

The idea is that the developer wants to open up more housing complexes with on-site tutoring. This video is going to be embedded on the home page of*the site(the site is being redesigned) and the video will hopefully compel politicians to fund other EELEF centers.*I have yet to shoot the interview with the developer. A rough cut of the video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frkf0O6sCbc&hd=1

Right now I am trying to troubleshoot the editing and storytelling. Where do you tune out? What do you find interesting?

Thank you for your time!

-Michael

 

[Patryk_Rebisz]

General structure is there, but:
-- i have no idea why i should care - it might seem obvious ("children are our future") but despise saying other obvious things i don't know why i should care.
-- interview at least one black person - right now it looks like whites teaching blacks (looks a bit racists)
-- provide explanation of the acronym before you start using it
-- call to action is a bit weak: are you saying if i live in a poor neighborhood i should call EELEF? The call to action needs to be more specific: the real goal is "give us money so we can keep on funding and opening up centers like this one" - be obvious