Prowrestling Screenplay

Its bad, really bad. Print it up, wad it up, and throw it away...

The structure of a film's story is usually a person is on a basic vector that the audience can see and relate to, then the first plot point derails that vector and the protagonist spends the rest of the film trying to get back on track. What you wrote is the start of an odyssey, and they are extremely hard to create.

Your text is nothing but a stream of offensive images and clichés; I can find nothing really redeeming about it. There is too much drek in Hollywood; please don't add to it.

Creating something from nothing is hard, very hard. I would suggest you start by writing about something you know:

Look back at your own life and search for a pivotal moment. Maybe that something didn't actually derail you, but it could have. How would you have reacted to it? What other issues would have come up (further plot points). What personal flaws compounded the problem? By doing this you might be able to steer clear of all the Hollywood clichés and possibly show an audience something original.

What was your first real job? What if you made a huge mistake just three months into it? A young adult would probably try to cover it up, so how would you do that? Oops, that created another problem! Deal with it. Your sister found out and now she's blackmailing you? Deal with That! Crap!, the boss is going to find out! Go hide it in a different way!

What's the story? Well, what's the job? In many cases the environment enables the story. If you want to relate to teenagers (a good idea) then Fast Food (Not a burger joint: Dairy Queen, Moes, or Marble Slab), or K-Mart, or a grocery store, or working for a parent (practically anywhere).

Keep working at it....
 
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I thought I would hate this but I actually liked it quite a bit.

The dialect you've employed here is really funny. I laughed a few times at every page. I like the voice over, especially this part:

"At first they said that they were going to skin my head for what my people did to their lands."

I like that he doesn't say they are going to "scalp" him. It's just kind of a weird detail that makes the whole thing more believable.

What you've got here reminds me a bit of "Bad Santa" which I mean as a real complement.
 
I love these two replies! Two views, two totally different takes! Who ya gonna believe! WRITE ON my brothers! No one knows anything!!!!
 
Okay, well, I gotta say - that was something. After Bob Gruen's comments, I was expecting the worst piece of crap ever to pollute my monitor. But... It's not. Though I am a bit confused...

First off, this started out TERRIBLE. The dialogue was ridiculous - nobody talks like this, nobody speaks lines where every word is meant to plainly and bluntly illustrate the writer's intended storyline.

But then I got to thinking that this dialogue on the farm about how bad the city is, etc, kind of works if this script is an outlandish comedy.

Now, if that is not your intention, then I have to agree, it doesn't really work. But if that is your intention, there is some interesting stuff in here, especially once your protagonist picks up and leaves the farm.

Unlike your critic, I am not so easily offended and I am willing to let the racist / homopohobic stuff go as part of a whacked out storyline, in which case it serves the purpose of a guy's strange semi-acid-trip road to pro wrestling.

So, in short, I was rolling my eyes for the first page or two, but by the end, I wanted to see what happened in the city and if his life there was going to be a continuing series of quick weird adventures.

I guess I am saying that I am interested in where this is going...

BUT, and this is HUGE.

The English in this script is really rough. Spell check. Grammar check. Seriously, I was taken out of the script many times by oddly constructed sentence and glaring errors. Readers are forgiving up to a point but if they are constantly bombarded with broken English their patience will wear thin and they may not give what could turn out to be an interesting story much of a chance.

So, I didn't want to admit it at the start, but I think you may have the beginnings of something here if you tighten it up. I was ready to run with it for a few more pages.

Cheers
 
Wow. Writing is hard and unrewarding, really, for a non-pro. I also got into the story after a while. Hope you've got the destination mapped out.
 
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