Promotion of a new horror short " ROUTE 24 "

J

jnpons

Member
Bonjour - I think this is an interesting first effort although a bit obvious and expected in storyline. The aerials were very pretty, but I thought that perhaps those shots should eventually get down to street level to reinforce the idea of how one can be alone in a city of millions. Character development is a bit choppy - I am wondering if this could be turned into more of a "a day in the life of a last day". I don't think the flashbacks brought anything to the story that we did not get from the shot of the photo. Since it is never revealed why they are not together, the picture alone says more and leaves us to think of what might have happened. It is challenging to tell a story with one character especially one that is to be "alone". The repetition of daily chores is interesting, but the editing and pace of that might be better served to be longer at the beginning when he has no expectations, and gets tighter "with purpose" when he has a "date". The other "sort of hanging out there" is she called him for the date, yet for some unknown reason wants to change it to be at his house. Some hint of motivation might be good to reveal. Another character development is something to either make us care for this guy, or not like this guy. Right now it is down the middle and when the decision comes to kill himself, I didn't really feel anything either way. Maybe each day starts with him looking at his gun and we wonder of this will be the day or not. He seems to shoot himself more out of boredom than not finding a mate.

This is a decently executed (despite a few soft focus shots here and there) effort that looks like a first attempt. You will find over time your voice in the way you direct, move the camera, and edit. As an editor myself, I would suggest you find an editor to work with as a collaborator. The process of give and take will make for a better film 99% of the time. But really work the script and the story to start - what is the story trying to tell us? Then create the performances. I also don't think that the blooper outtakes at the end are needed. For what is a "heavy" moment, adding that took it completely away from whatever intention the film may have had.

Let us know when the next film is ready to look at - filmmaking is a journey that never ends, we constantly learn as the art itself is always changing.


Michael
(American but grew up in Nice as a teenager...)

www.linkedin.com/in/phillipsm/
 
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