One-sided phone conversation

F

Fredric

Active member
Hi guys,

I'm writing a short in which a guy has a short phone conversation, but he is the only one talking, so we dont here the replies from the guy on the other end of the line. How do you write this in script form?

Something like:

GUY
Hey, its me.

GUY
Yeah sure, I'll be there.

GUY
Great, see you there.

or more like this:

GUY
Hey, its me... Yeah sure, I'll be there... Great see you there.

Or something totally different?

Please let me know how you guys think its done.

Thanks,

Fredric
 
Second one. But make sure you point out that he's on the phone talking to someone - rather than talking to himself.

EJ
 
I saw a short where someone tried to do this but failed horribly... the dialogue was ridiculously vague and they didn't wait long enough inbetween speaking to give the person on the other side a chance to speak.

When I write a phone conversation I normally write both people talking, then remove the side I don't want in there. That way the person speaking still has something that he can respond to to make sure the conversation flows.
 
Just think naturally. If I were to observe you speaking on the phone, what would I SEE, and what would I HEAR?

You do need a quick aside that he speaks into phone. Then try to imagine what this looks like with-out dialogue; expressions, props, and tone, then fill in the dialogue.

Let the words flow, and make sure the responses match what the listener ''most likely said''.

A
 
alex whitmer said:
Just think naturally. If I were to observe you speaking on the phone, what would I SEE, and what would I HEAR?



A
Click to expand...

This raises an interesting question: Should dialog sound like what we'd really hear?

The conventional wisdom is that it shouldn't.
 
brianluce said:
This raises an interesting question: Should dialog sound like what we'd really hear?

The conventional wisdom is that it shouldn't.
Click to expand...


Good point. There's also a pretty standard "creative licence" used whereby the other party replies within the first ring of the phone. If it were done "naturally" we might get quite bored waiting for the other party to pick up the phone, which might take 20 seconds.
 
I guess by naturally I mean the rhythm. Phone conversations have interuptions, raise and drop in tone, quirky changes in topic, etc...

Of course you should avoid the OTN dialogue. Use subtext.


Not sure what it is you want to tell, but basically you want your speaker to have a perspective, and the listner is his stumblong block.

A
 
mrWr0ng said:
they didn't wait long enough inbetween speaking to give the person on the other side a chance to speak.
Click to expand...

Cutting out the "space" in which the other person would be speaking could be creative choice for dramatic effect though. Granted, I haven't seen the short you're referring too, but one sided phone conversations can be fun to cut with that in mind.
 
I think it depends on the kind of conversation.

If it's a personal phone call, I like to have it sound like how it would sound in real life, only cuts to the chase a little more quickly. If it's business, get to business. Cut the greetings.

You don't want to waste too much time, but you want it to sound realistic, too. If it sounds fake, people will groan.
 
Hey guys, to be honest, I was only looking for the right format to write it in, but with your anwsers my phonecall just went to the next level. Thanks for all the feedback!
 
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