New Short Script Please Read!!!

I hate to say this but... Honestly, it wasn't very good. Nothing really happens, the pathological liar joke has been used in a ton of movies to the point where it is cliche', and there wasn't a pay off at the end.

If you want to create a situation how about one person is standing on top of another person, just completely crowding his personal space while they are shopping for video games. Everything that the one guy tries to pick up the other guy grabs... Take the situation to an extreme and create something, but as it is... I found myself wondering not what is going on but why do I care.
 
Well, since you asked...

(1) Look at some existing screenplays to see how a script is formatted.

(2) Pay attention to spelling and punctuation. You might be telling the greatest story anyone has ever seen, but they will not appreciate it if they're being distracted by easy, obvious stuff like mis-spelled words and missing or incorrect punctuation. Film/video is a visual medium, but the screenplay is a written one.

(3) I think that Jeremy is right - nothing really happens. If fifty rent-a-cops appear out of nowhere and dogpile your guy out in the parking lot, or if the store clerk pulls out a twelve-guage and kneecaps the guy, then at least something will have happened.

For what it's worth, I guess it's a good thing that you sat down and finished something that you intended to finish - there's plenty of people out there with pefect formatting and spelling skills who never finish anything...but now that you've demonstrated the ability to finish something, shelve this and finish something *better*.
 
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