New Project I'm Working On (Feedback?)

[TimCollins]

Hey everyone,

I’ve recently taken to the idea of writing things beyond my means of production in hopes of selling something someday. So, I wrote a summary of my most recent project and registered it with the WGA(e).

The screenplay is about two brothers on the opposite ends of society. One brother, Tom, is a successful insurance agent who lives with his pretty wife, Caroline, in upstate New York. The other, Jesse, is a drug addicted former-hitman who now works at a meat packing plant in the Bronx. The two brothers are estranged and haven’t spoken to each other for just under a decade.

One night after eating at an upscale restaurant, Tom’s wife Caroline is shot in a drive-by shooting as they are waiting for the valet to bring their car around. Caroline is rushed to the hospital but despite the doctor’s best efforts, she dies on the operating table. The doctor tells Tom they did everything they could to save her and the child but both were lost. Tom asks what child he’s talking about and the doctor tells Tom his wife was 6 weeks pregnant – Tom had no idea.

Needless to say, Tom is utterly devastated, but the police are looking at him as a suspect. As he is grieving, he notices a picture of him and his brother and an idea dawns on him.

Eventually, Tom finds his down-and-out brother and pleads for his help to hunt down the killer of his wife using Jesse’s former ties to the criminal underworld. In return for his help, Tom offers to pay Jesse’s back-rent which is threatening to leave him homeless.

The two brothers, despite the tension between them and Jesse's heroin addiction, must work together to find and defeat a ruthless killer and clear Tom’s name - All while working out their issues with each other from the past.

I’m aiming for a dark, gritty, urban crime/drama/thriller. The working title for the script is “Retribution”.

Any thoughts/feedback/suggestions would be appreciated! :beer:

 

[10s]

Here's some ideas, I went a little wild but.... Sorry they change things.... oh well!

Have Tom unable to have children, ....so his wife cheated. Have the wife comatose after the shooting for 6 months while the baby grows.

Set it up so the wife had spent time with brother Jesse a few months before while Tom was in Europe on business.

Day of the Shooting: Earlier in the day she hinted to Tom that at dinner she was about to announce something of importance.

Jesse the brother, is still into the crime scene; he's not a down and out druggie, but instead a charming swinger type; dresses well and is a ladies man.

Make Tom a somewhat of a nerd/wimp; he must overcome being a wimp to find out the truth and set things right.

Tom must pursue the killers using his brother Jesse's knowledge of the crime world all the while trying to confirm his suspicion that Jesser and Caroline had an affair. Take us on a wild chase where every time the hero thinks he's got it figured out, he's wrong. Make Tom grow and shed his wimpiness.

He fights his brother but gets beat by Jesse. In the end they go at it again with Tom finally beating his brother. Tom catches the drive by shooters who thought Tom's wife was Jesse's lady and they were seeking revenge for a deal gone bad with Jesse. Tom finishes them off.

In the end give us a surprise, the child is delivered from the comatose wife, it's a boy, and then the wife is unplugged and finally dies (brain dead).

Make it so the child is actually Toms, not his brother's; let's say she was the one who couldn't have a child and had been undergoing some medical therapy to become fertile. Her dinner announcement surprise was to announce she was pregnant. In the end he finds a card with a note she had written to him about becoming a proud new father.

In the end Jesse is badly beat by Tom but he's innocent; he might be a shady character but he's a good brother to Tom.

Also have a nurse taking care of his comatose wife develop a realtionship with Tom throughout the story so in the end he has a new family: him , nurse and baby.

 

[TimCollins]

The idea of the coma is a good one to keep the answer of whether or not Caroline will live or die up in the air until the end.

I also like the subplot of Tom suspecting Jesse of cheating with his wife and thinking the baby is Jesse's. My plan was already to make the reason both of them haven't spoken in a decade that Jesse believes Tom stole Caroline from him and has never been able to forgive him for it. So those two ideas mesh together nicely.

As for Tom - that was the plan to turn him from a nerdy "wouldn't hurt a fly" business man into a stone cold vengeance machine through the course of the film.

Also, I like your idea for the ending but can a child be born from a woman in a coma?

Thanks for your response - it's very helpful!

 

[kylekmd]

I can't believe it, 10s--

I was just going to write all the same things, then your post popped up!rogar-Dum(DBG):


But to answer your question Tim-- YES, a child can be born to a comatose mother.


Lives
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1355/is_14_107/ai_n13620003

Dies
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/12/AR2005091200669.html

 

[Blaine]

I'd consider making Jesse a common street thug rather than a hitman. Hitman and serial killer are both over done...unless you put a new twist on it.

 

[Jordan_S]

...can a child be born from a woman in a coma?

Check it out.

 

[Nektonic]

Good story idea. I think I'll steal it. :laugh: Just kidding of course.

A couple more ideas:

Have a cop or detective character that knows about Jesse and Tom and their quest for justice. He could also be wrestling with the choice to stop them from finding and dealing with the killer, or letting them do their thing and taking out the killer, making it one less scum bag that is roaming the streets.

Another thing that could be interesting, Jesse and Tom are identical twins. Maybe they came from a bad neighborhood, and Tom was able to get out and go to school, making a better life for himself than Jesse who stayed in the world that he was born into. Maybe Tom started to get into drugs and minor criminal activities when he was a teenager, but he saw where it would lead and decided to get out. This implies that he was once like Jesse, and has now become soft due to his more pampered and comfortable lifestyle.

Also, maybe Tom is going to give Jesse more money than just paying overdue rent. As the story progresses, Jesse bonds with his brother a little and starts to feel guilty. Maybe he feels that he is taking advantage of Tom, and should be doing it because it is the right thing to do, not to just make money.

When Caroline was shot, it could be that she was going out to her car parked behind the restaurant to get something. It could be the pregnancy test that she took earlier that day. She wants to show Tom. As she is locking her car and about to go back inside, a hit or drive by shooting occurs. She witnesses the whole thing. The hitmen shoot her so as to leave no witnesses. This would then tie into the coma. If the hitmen learn that she is still alive, and could possibly identify them if she were to wake up, then she becomes a target again.

I know you said it is a working title, but I think you can use a better one than "Retribution". Here are a few ideas:

The Fighting Brothers
Brothers of Wrath
Personal Vengeance
In Justice
Raw Justice
Cold Justice

I like your premise and basic story. It think it has a lot of potential and room for lots of conflict and suspense. Good luck with the script.

On a completely different note, the whole woman giving birth while in a coma could be used in a superhero or fantasy story. Maybe the child is born with superpowers or telekinesis or something. It could be a cool origin of powers for those types of stories.

 

[10s]

I can't believe it, 10s--

I was just going to write all the same things, then your post popped up!rogar-Dum(DBG):

Kyle, I just wanted to make the obvious not so obvious and keep everyone asking, "what's going to happen next?" ... similair thinking?... hmmm....well; I doubt it, but maybe we have similair bookcases, hmmm?

TITLE: OK, I'll toss out a title: ..... Seed of Life. Think of a seed struggling through the soil toward the light spreading it's roots trying to make a place for itself.

• The theme could be about the struggle we all must make for life.
• The wife struggles to live, but dies, She represents the heart of love; the one who sacrifices to bring about life.
• The baby struggles for life and survives his unfortunate beginning; he represents the hope for a better life. He is the promise, but his beginning is soiled with doubt.
• Tom struggles to keep his old life but is forced to find a new life and accept and embrace the other side of him that was repressed ( he becomes a whole & balanced person at last!)
• The nurse struggles with the conflict of her new feelings for Tom and the terrible circumstance she finds herself in (love isn't suppose to come about this way) She conquers her guilt of intruding into this poor man's life.
• Jesse struggles to leave his former life and become a better man ( he just can't continue the tough guy act anymore) toward the end he begins his own redemption.
• The killers struggle to perserve their life and any perceived threats against it (they'll do whatever it takes to live another day) They continue to be predators.

In the end it's about what we will do to live. Sometimes we're moral and other times we're not.

 

[TimCollins]

I knew I'd be glad I posted this here! You guys always help me see things in a new light, I love this forum.

Anyway thanks not only for the plot help but for the title suggestions. I agree 'Retribution' is a little plain and I usually don't pick one until way later. But some came to mind.

I like..
"Brothers of Vengeance" (but it reminds me of Boondock Saints)
or...
"Cold Vengeance"

I like the theory behind "Seed of Life" (and I love your explanation 10's) but when I hear it, it makes me think of something more upbeat and positive than the dark, gritty atmosphere I'm going for. Even though the story does wrap up in a good way, it's still a moody, violent, (and at times, heavy) journey.

 

[kylekmd]

maybe we have similair bookcases, hmmm?

I'm sure WE (the forum brothers) ALL have similar bookcases!

And, BTW, I like how you made a THEME outline. Very helpful. Keeps everything on track.

 

[Nektonic]

I knew I'd be glad I posted this here! You guys always help me see things in a new light, I love this forum.

After seeing the helpful comments the others left for you, I'm tempted to post a summary of my current script project and see if I can get some assistance too. One thing, were you afraid to post this since basically anyone who comes to the site, whether a member or not, could potentially steal your idea from you?

Anyway thanks not only for the plot help but for the title suggestions. I agree 'Retribution' is a little plain and I usually don't pick one until way later. But some came to mind.

I like..
"Brothers of Vengeance" (but it reminds me of Boondock Saints)
or...
"Cold Vengeance"

I like "Brothers of Vengeance". I don't think it sounds too much like Boondock Saints. Doesn't really matter if it sounds similar, since there are two "Crash" films, David Cronenberg's and the Paul Haggis one from a few years ago.

 

[10s]

I like the theory behind "Seed of Life" (and I love your explanation 10's) but when I hear it, it makes me think of something more upbeat and positive than the dark, gritty atmosphere I'm going for. Even though the story does wrap up in a good way, it's still a moody, violent, (and at times, heavy) journey.

IMO: The idea is to bring together polar opposites, the way nature works; ying/yang, positive/negative... Wholeness is found when we strike a balance between the forces of light & darkness; until then we struggle to find harmony. Stories are about this balance of forces.

Inside a story supposedly filled with light we find darkness (look at the Bible's Creation Story, Adam & Eve and that damn snake!) while inside a supposedly dark story we find light, (Schindler's List, etc.) Either way you choose, it works, because the polar opposites need each other in order to exist. We can't have Up without Down; can't have Left without Right, and we can't have Good without Bad.

IMO, whatever you choose I would be cautious about pursuing the cliche tough guy stuff; it's often shallow, predictable and an excuse for mindless violent action. That's simply not enough. Stories need to have a moral foundation so there is depth and motivation. The action and resulting violence is the result of Moral values in conflict. This makes the action even more compelling; so you must use lightness to bring about a heavy violent journey. It's all about Contrast.

Morality, while it can be thought of as a huge subject; in the end, it's really about choosing Life over Death, physically and spiritually. We commonly think of something being Moral as the code one follows in order to bring about a Life of Goodness. Let's go one step further; to make it even more interesting and real, the bad guys have a Moral code also ( the Nazis had all sorts of great Moral codes of honor and traditions, etc...). So if you're able to bring in the bad guys Moral code into the story that's when it gets really interesting, because we the audience, are torn by seeing & understanding both sets of values. The light and the dark become much more gray where they meet.

 

[TimCollins]

One thing, were you afraid to post this since basically anyone who comes to the site, whether a member or not, could potentially steal your idea from you?

Well, it's not just this forum, I'm just usually hesitant of putting my ideas out there for anyone in the world to view before I've turned them into something solid. But I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't confident everyone here would act maturely and professionally which they always do. Plus, I registered the summary with the WGA so that adds some extra protection. It's just a precaution I like to take.

I like "Brothers of Vengeance". I don't think it sounds too much like Boondock Saints. Doesn't really matter if it sounds similar, since there are two "Crash" films, David Cronenberg's and the Paul Haggis one from a few years ago.

That's very true about the Crash films. I also thought of another one that may be cool - "Hell Bent" but I may decide on going for something deeper.

IMO: The idea is to bring together polar opposites, the way nature works; ying/yang, positive/negative... Wholeness is found when we strike a balance between the forces of light & darkness; until then we struggle to find harmony. Stories are about this balance of forces.

Inside a story supposedly filled with light we find darkness (look at the Bible's Creation Story, Adam & Eve and that damn snake!) while inside a supposedly dark story we find light, (Schindler's List, etc.) Either way you choose, it works, because the polar opposites need each other in order to exist. We can't have Up without Down; can't have Left without Right, and we can't have Good without Bad.

IMO, whatever you choose I would be cautious about pursuing the cliche tough guy stuff; it's often shallow, predictable and an excuse for mindless violent action. That's simply not enough. Stories need to have a moral foundation so there is depth and motivation. The action and resulting violence is the result of Moral values in conflict. This makes the action even more compelling; so you must use lightness to bring about a heavy violent journey. It's all about Contrast.

Morality, while it can be thought of as a huge subject; in the end, it's really about choosing Life over Death, physically and spiritually. We commonly think of something being Moral as the code one follows in order to bring about a Life of Goodness. Let's go one step further; to make it even more interesting and real, the bad guys have a Moral code also ( the Nazis had all sorts of great Moral codes of honor and traditions, etc...). So if you're able to bring in the bad guys Moral code into the story that's when it gets really interesting, because we the audience, are torn by seeing & understanding both sets of values. The light and the dark become much more gray where they meet.

You're very right about having more substance than just gratuitous violence and that is what I intend to do. Any violence that occurs, there will be a definite reason for, understood by the audience.

Your post made me think of the title "Darkness and Light". The struggle of morality between both sides - good and evil.

 

[Ezekiel667]

Personally I like "Retribution" better then "Brothers of Vengeance." With the latter it just seems to holy, I mean if I interpreted correctly your movie is supposed to be dark, gritty, hellish, and violent. With BoV it seems like everything that's happening to your protagonist is because of a higher power. Then again maybe that's what your going for. I'd keep thinking of a really good title that captures the heart of the movie.

I'll get into my thinking mode and really dig into what you're movie is about and give you my thoughts and ideas in another post.

 

[TimCollins]

Personally I like "Retribution" better then "Brothers of Vengeance." With the latter it just seems to holy, I mean if I interpreted correctly your movie is supposed to be dark, gritty, hellish, and violent. With BoV it seems like everything that's happening to your protagonist is because of a higher power. Then again maybe that's what your going for. I'd keep thinking of a really good title that captures the heart of the movie.

I'll get into my thinking mode and really dig into what you're movie is about and give you my thoughts and ideas in another post.

I agree with your thoughts on BoV, it does kindof sound like it has religious overtones which is not what I'm going for. I'm really digging "Darkness and Light". I think it explains the struggle between the good and the bad not only the "good guys" and "bad guys" but the good and bad in each of them.

 

[Ezekiel667]

I agree with your thoughts on BoV, it does kindof sound like it has religious overtones which is not what I'm going for. I'm really digging "Darkness and Light". I think it explains the struggle between the good and the bad not only the "good guys" and "bad guys" but the good and bad in each of them.

I do like "Darkness and Light." But it's a little bland when in perspective to the movie itself. Keep the idea of "Darkness and Light," but try to work it into something meatier.

 

[David W. Richardson]

"Retribution" is a great title. Or how about "Criminal Justice"?

Okay, I think there's a problem with this baby thing.

What makes Tom think the baby might be his brother's? If you tell Tom (and the audience) that the wife spent time with the brother while Tom was away, that is too much info too early. But if you don't tell him (them), then Tom has no reason to believe the baby belongs to his brother.

Okay, I get that Tom thinks he can't have children -- but obviously he CAN if the baby turns out in the end to be his.

If Tom thought the baby wasn't his, a DNA test would be in order right away -- and that would conclusively prove the baby WAS his, which ruins the whole premise. So I don't see how this can work convincingly.

I do like the idea of Tom and his brother being polar opposites. But frankly, it worked better in my opinion the way it was originally. Obviously Tom is the main character. If he's a squeaky clean type, while his brother is the dregs of humanity (druggie, connected with criminals, etc.), that works a lot better to me. I find the brother character much more interesting if he's down and out, barely surviving, than I do with him being some swanky, popular kind of sleazebag. Most of the audience is going to identify with Tom if he's a 'good guy'. They're going to sympathize with what he has to go through to find his wife's killers -- especially if this means having to get along with a brother who represents everything he abhors, and who is messed up on drugs half the time. (Toward that end, I'd make Tom something more sympathetic than an insurance man. He could even be a minister.)

As for the baby issue, don't even make it an issue -- until the point comes where it matters. A place in the story when the audience is thinking "What else can go wrong???" Then BAM! The paternity question. The brother somehow lets it slip that he and the wife had a one night stand. Tom adds up the timing in his head, and BELIEVES the baby is his brother's -- but they're in the middle of things, so he can't go running off to get a DNA test. Not only did his beloved wife betray him -- with the one person he despises most -- but now the child he's been longing for his whole life might not even be his! (Maybe it's best if you don't make it that Tom can't have children, only that they've been trying for a long time without success.)

And I don't much care for the idea of Tom and his brother going at it in the end. If it were me (and it isn't), I'd make his brother feel remorse for the way he's ruined his life, and the trouble he's caused Tom. Maybe even the brother suspects that the baby might be his, and feels guilty for it. I'd set up a situation where the brother sacrifices himself in order to save Tom and help him avenge his wife's death.

One other tiny idea just hit me. I assume the wife was killed accidentally in a hail of bullets intended for another victim, right? What if at the very pinnacle of the resolution, it's revealed that the shooter was the brother? He wasn't alone, of course. But that could be another twist to make the audience GASP!

I'm also not thrilled with the idea of Tom having a potential budding relationship with the nurse. It almost implies he didn't really love his wife that much at all. If that's true, why is he going to all this trouble to find her killers? It would be much more tragic and bittersweet if Tom is left all alone in the world, with his new child to take care of.

These are just ideas -- my 2 cents, for what it's worth.

This story has a lot of potential. Be very careful to get it right.

Good luck!

 

[TimCollins]

"Retribution" is a great title. Or how about "Criminal Justice"?

Okay, I think there's a problem with this baby thing.

What makes Tom think the baby might be his brother's? If you tell Tom (and the audience) that the wife spent time with the brother while Tom was away, that is too much info too early. But if you don't tell him (them), then Tom has no reason to believe the baby belongs to his brother.

Okay, I get that Tom thinks he can't have children -- but obviously he CAN if the baby turns out in the end to be his.

If Tom thought the baby wasn't his, a DNA test would be in order right away -- and that would conclusively prove the baby WAS his, which ruins the whole premise. So I don't see how this can work convincingly.

I do like the idea of Tom and his brother being polar opposites. But frankly, it worked better in my opinion the way it was originally. Obviously Tom is the main character. If he's a squeaky clean type, while his brother is the dregs of humanity (druggie, connected with criminals, etc.), that works a lot better to me. I find the brother character much more interesting if he's down and out, barely surviving, than I do with him being some swanky, popular kind of sleazebag. Most of the audience is going to identify with Tom if he's a 'good guy'. They're going to sympathize with what he has to go through to find his wife's killers -- especially if this means having to get along with a brother who represents everything he abhors, and who is messed up on drugs half the time. (Toward that end, I'd make Tom something more sympathetic than an insurance man. He could even be a minister.)

As for the baby issue, don't even make it an issue -- until the point comes where it matters. A place in the story when the audience is thinking "What else can go wrong???" Then BAM! The paternity question. The brother somehow lets it slip that he and the wife had a one night stand. Tom adds up the timing in his head, and BELIEVES the baby is his brother's -- but they're in the middle of things, so he can't go running off to get a DNA test. Not only did his beloved wife betray him -- with the one person he despises most -- but now the child he's been longing for his whole life might not even be his! (Maybe it's best if you don't make it that Tom can't have children, only that they've been trying for a long time without success.)

And I don't much care for the idea of Tom and his brother going at it in the end. If it were me (and it isn't), I'd make his brother feel remorse for the way he's ruined his life, and the trouble he's caused Tom. Maybe even the brother suspects that the baby might be his, and feels guilty for it. I'd set up a situation where the brother sacrifices himself in order to save Tom and help him avenge his wife's death.

One other tiny idea just hit me. I assume the wife was killed accidentally in a hail of bullets intended for another victim, right? What if at the very pinnacle of the resolution, it's revealed that the shooter was the brother? He wasn't alone, of course. But that could be another twist to make the audience GASP!

I'm also not thrilled with the idea of Tom having a potential budding relationship with the nurse. It almost implies he didn't really love his wife that much at all. If that's true, why is he going to all this trouble to find her killers? It would be much more tragic and bittersweet if Tom is left all alone in the world, with his new child to take care of.

These are just ideas -- my 2 cents, for what it's worth.

This story has a lot of potential. Be very careful to get it right.

Good luck!

Hey man, thanks for the response.

You're definitely close to or on the same page as I am as far as what I'm going for.

I'm pretty adamant on the fact that Jesse is a drug-addicted former criminal who's trying to straighten his life out but is barely getting by. The idea of a swaggering playboy doesn't really fit to me.

It's about Tom who is the 'good guy' but at the same time he starts out without the courage, tenacity, or connections that it would take to find his wife's assailants alone. So he's forced to rehash a relationship with his troubled brother who does have the toughness and the connections but has his own flaws of drug addiction, poverty and previous trouble with the law. Being polar opposites, as you said, they have to tolerate each other long enough to find the people responsible and either bring them to justice or perform the justice themselves.

And through the course of the film, during their manhunt, the two brothers form a bond despite their differences in the past. I had thought of the idea of Jesse sacrificing himself to save Tom at the climax because that would be the ultimate form of reconciliation - Jesse turning from a down-and-out loser to someone who actually did something positive with his life. I don't like the idea of them brawling. Perhaps just squabbling a bit throughout but ultimately staying on the same side so to speak.

You're exactly right, the plan for the explanation of the shooting was that another wealthy man had paid to have his wife killed and Caroline was mistaken for that woman. I always love the idea of twist endings but I don't know how I could incorporate Jesse being involved in the shooting as they are hunting down the people involved and he would be exposed pretty quickly. You'd think that if he was involved in any way, he would refuse to help for fear of that exposure.

I also didn't really care for the idea of the nurse for the exact same reasons. My thoughts were - Why have him jump through hoops of fire to bring his wife's assailants to justice just to turn around at the end and get with the nurse? However, I do like the idea of the baby being born at the end to signify a "light at the end of the tunnel". I'm setting out to write something dark and hard-edged and I don't think a happy "walk away into the sunset" ending would really fit.

Thanks very much for your feedback!

 

[David W. Richardson]

I think your story has tremendous potential. Obviously, I like the directions you're going in.

I was thinking this way....

The rich man doesn't hire Jesse to carry out the hit. Jesse is put in a position where he pretty much has no choice. He's forced into it. He doesn't want to do it, but he has to.

It doesn't make sense that Jesse would shoot Caroline by mistake. Obviously he knows her. It's more plausible that it's just a horrible consequence. A bullet ricochets and hits her or something. He didn't even know Tom and Caroline were there. He sees it as it happens (although we don't know that until near the end.) And it changes him. That is the pivotal event in his life

When Jesse agrees to help Tom find the killers, it's a dangerous thing for him to do. So he does whatever he can to make sure his accomplices either don't know who is killing them or die before they can say anything. It's a tricky tightrope for Jesse. Maybe even Tom starts to wonder about that.

The reveal of Jesse as one of those responsible for Caroline's death can come about in one of several ways. Jesse himself can confess it to Tom after everyone else -- or almost everyone -- is dead. Or a better way might be having Tom dragging Jesse along as he goes after the wealthy man who hired the hit -- but the wealthy man reveals Jesse's secret before they can kill him. Or, after Tom thinks all the people are dead, he could see the news on TV and see footage from a nearby security camera that caught the shooting -- and see the unmistakable image of his brother.

How about this.... Tom thinks they've killed all the people in the car involved in the drive-by that killed his wife. He's back at his brother's place, with his brother, talking about plans for the future -- when suddenly the news comes on with the security cam picture. Tom stares at it in horror, then turns and confronts his brother. Jesse starts to say something, starts to explain, when suddenly the rich guy shows up. The one who hired the killers. And he's got a gun. He has the drop on them. He's come to finish off Jesse, tying up the last loose end. Now he'll have to kill Tom too, because he knows too much. This is where Jesse gets the chance to redeem himself by jumping the rich guy. Jesse gets shot, saving Tom. (Tom shoots the rich guy.) That makes two twists in that one scene.

Whatever way you decide to go, it's a darned good story!

 

[TimCollins]

I think your story has tremendous potential. Obviously, I like the directions you're going in.

Whatever way you decide to go, it's a darned good story!

Thanks very much! :beer:

I was thinking this way....

The rich man doesn't hire Jesse to carry out the hit. Jesse is put in a position where he pretty much has no choice. He's forced into it. He doesn't want to do it, but he has to.

It doesn't make sense that Jesse would shoot Caroline by mistake. Obviously he knows her. It's more plausible that it's just a horrible consequence. A bullet ricochets and hits her or something. He didn't even know Tom and Caroline were there. He sees it as it happens (although we don't know that until near the end.) And it changes him. That is the pivotal event in his life

When Jesse agrees to help Tom find the killers, it's a dangerous thing for him to do. So he does whatever he can to make sure his accomplices either don't know who is killing them or die before they can say anything. It's a tricky tightrope for Jesse. Maybe even Tom starts to wonder about that.

The reveal of Jesse as one of those responsible for Caroline's death can come about in one of several ways. Jesse himself can confess it to Tom after everyone else -- or almost everyone -- is dead. Or a better way might be having Tom dragging Jesse along as he goes after the wealthy man who hired the hit -- but the wealthy man reveals Jesse's secret before they can kill him. Or, after Tom thinks all the people are dead, he could see the news on TV and see footage from a nearby security camera that caught the shooting -- and see the unmistakable image of his brother.

How about this.... Tom thinks they've killed all the people in the car involved in the drive-by that killed his wife. He's back at his brother's place, with his brother, talking about plans for the future -- when suddenly the news comes on with the security cam picture. Tom stares at it in horror, then turns and confronts his brother. Jesse starts to say something, starts to explain, when suddenly the rich guy shows up. The one who hired the killers. And he's got a gun. He has the drop on them. He's come to finish off Jesse, tying up the last loose end. Now he'll have to kill Tom too, because he knows too much. This is where Jesse gets the chance to redeem himself by jumping the rich guy. Jesse gets shot, saving Tom. (Tom shoots the rich guy.) That makes two twists in that one scene.

I like where you're going with that. So Jesse would know who's involved the entire time (minus the businessman who ordered the hit) and have to pretend to Tom that he doesn't? That's a slippery slope he'd be on but it would make sense how it would result in the climax. And also a perfect opportunity for him to sacrifice himself and also a great reason to do it.