Need your input, for opening sequence of my pool script.

J

JJ Alexander

Active member
I am writing a story about racism and bigotry. It is low budget and at this point has only 2 characters, a black man and a white man. The whole story takes place in a large pool room in NYC. It is 3AM. The place is closed.

For reasons revealed very early in the story these 2 men are trapped in this place with no phones or a way to get out until 10AM later that day when it is opened for business.

They hate each other because of there race. The only thing they have in common that becomes an icebreaker of sorts is they are both amazing pool players. During the course of the next 7 hours, as a captive audience for each other there attitudes, beliefs and prejudices get listened to, argued about and challenged. Ultimetly they learn what its like to go thru life from the others position and perspective. They also wind up playing the greatest pool of there lives against each other through out the story.

A few minutes into the film there is an attempted robbery with a fake gun that quickly leads to a huge fight that neither man wins but leaves both completly exhausted and unable to continue.

My question is this: Is it ok to start the story at such a fevered pitch OR is it better to create a background and a lead in to how they arrived here and maybe show the room earlier in the evening when more people are there and establish these 2 main characters existing in this place?

ALSO

Is having only 2 characters a mistake? I think I can tell the story with just the two of them but I'm aware I 'almost' never see a film with just 2 characters.
My guess is that just for variety and keeping an audience interest 2 chars. might not be enough.

I should say I am a professional actor (Broadway,TV, Film) living in NYC. Earlier in my life I was a pro level pool player and the story is somewhat autobiographical.

if you would like more story and char. details I would be happy to give them.

Thats it. Thanks for any ideas and input.

JJ
 
This is all subjective to how it is written. If you start off on a feverish pace and then the rest of the story is a slow character driven dialoge then it may seem out of place. If you plan to put in some exciting pool sequences ala Color of Money that may help the balance. Having the two characters will require some creative dialog and interesting visuals to keep this one location piece moving. How long of a finished project are you aiming for?

p.s. There vs Their
 
Joops,

Thanks for your comments. First your idea about pool shooting through out the story is exactly what will happen. they will play a variety of games including 8 ball, banks, 9 ball, playing one handed etc. etc. all at a very high level and sprinkled through out . They will also trade tips and tricks to improve there games that an audience viewer can actually learn from. I was also a certified instructor for years so there will be some disguised lessons for the viewer but the focus will be on race relations.

As it stands now I plan for it to be 90 min max. Maybe a touch less.
 
Feature. Cool. Yeah, get a good story solid story going. There are these types of movies out that have only the two characters stuck together in a single place (extreme examples - Saw & Career Opportunities) so I would look at them and see what they have done and if you think they were successful or not. I can see dynamic camera work with the pool table - I think that could be a big part of it.
 
Sounds a lot like a modified version of Breakfast Club, but I don't know how you'll keep it interesting for 90 minutes in one location with two characters. Even breakfast club had multiple locations. Think about maybe expanding this beyond the pool hall. Give the characters more than a motivation to fight, but also a motivation to get out of the building. Just ideas, your script sounds great!
 
Yes, thats my plan. A movie like you describe is 'Hard Candy' almost 95% is 2 chars. in one of there homes. Very good indy film.

It has a great extra feature where the producer explains step by step how he got the idea, got a writer, a director and cast and made it.

Also 'Before Sunrise' and 'After Sunrise'. 2 chars. but they used Paris as the backdrop.

Anyway, thanks!
 
SeanEmer said:
Sounds a lot like a modified version of Breakfast Club, but I don't know how you'll keep it interesting for 90 minutes in one location with two characters. Even breakfast club had multiple locations. Think about maybe expanding this beyond the pool hall. Give the characters more than a motivation to fight, but also a motivation to get out of the building. Just ideas, your script sounds great!
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I have never seen "Breakfast Club" but I will tonite. Your ideas are the reason I wrote this request for ideas and opinions. It's that small voice telling me I might need to open the story up but I'm not sure cause I'm a bit close to it.

Thanks
 
I think Sean's right on expanding it to more locations. You wouldnt have to necessarily leave the building - maybe there's a bar, a kitchen, a backroom, etc that could give them places to go. Breakfast club is a great example and just a good movie (well I like it at least). I dont believe they ever leave the school, just periodically venture outside the library.
 
Hard Candy is a good one too.

There are other locations with in the pool hall that could at least spice up the visuals. Office/Storage Room/Basement? Also give some outside-the-poolhall story lines that could help move the plot along. (One has a sick wife/one has to be somewhere in the morning/one needs his medication...). Why can't they call for help?
 
Also 'Before Sunrise' and 'After Sunrise'. 2 chars. but they used Paris as the backdrop.



Sorry i think you mean Before Sunrise and Before Sunset :) Just a correction in case someone wants to check it out. Great character driven film, Richard Linklater is a wonderful storyteller. Another one location small cast film I love is "Phone Booth" wonderful writting and great pacing.
 
You all are very insightfull. Here's why I say that.

First there are a number of areas in the pool room, bar area, front counter, equipment room that are used in very specific ways to move the story especially a junk room where an old wood working lathe is found, fixed and used to work on cues. I planned to use everything in this type location, even the ball polisher, the floor waxer etc. The room is in a below street level space. There are no phones because during the botched robbery cell phones were destroyed and land lines pulled out.

Characterwise I tried to load up the circumstances without being rediculous. The white guy is an ex-cop suspended for too many incidents of police brutality. He was actually a good cop but with serious flaws. His wife(cancer) and son(Od'd) are dead and a daughter is married to a black man in Fla. They haven't talked in years. They have a 2 year old son and another due any minute. His intention for this evening was to fix a pool table, have some beers, shoot some pool all by himself and the kill himself.

Then James Evens arrives...
 
Dmitry Yun said:
Also 'Before Sunrise' and 'After Sunrise'. 2 chars. but they used Paris as the backdrop.



Sorry i think you mean Before Sunrise and Before Sunset :) Just a correction in case someone wants to check it out. Great character driven film, Richard Linklater is a wonderful storyteller. Another one location small cast film I love is "Phone Booth" wonderful writting and great pacing.
Click to expand...

Yes, ' Phone Booth', I will have to look at again.
 
Watch "12 Angry Men" Mostly one location. Terse dialog between the jurors and a slow coming to an understanding of each other. Not a direct relation to your story, but it could give you some ideas.

Also, some of the plot points sound a little bit too contrived. Of course I can't make a judgment without reading the script, but the fact that they get locked in, they are both racist and they happen to be black and white seems to be too convenient. The attempted robbery also seems to be a way to get them to relate via a common opponent. Not saying it won't work, just saying to be mindful that it doesn't come off as cliche. Hope this wasn't too harsh. I like the basic idea of two people playing pool in one location and getting over differences. The added conflict and situation may not be necessary. Either way, best of luck.
 
Dmitry Yun said:
Glengarry Glen Ross for great dialogue as well. :)
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Alex,

I don't think your comments are harsh at all. I'm glad you mentioned it.

Maybe the robbery is not necessary. I was going for a big dramitic involvment since I only had 2 chars. and 1 location. These are things i will have to think about.
 
Sounds like you are on the right track. Just keep developing a strong story and you will be fine.
 
Just throwing it out there, but I though Panic Room with Jodi Foster was a decent film, with really only 1 location and I believe 5 actors total.

Might be worth a look...
 
This also reminds me of the excellent "Anacardium" which was set in a tiny apartment of two rooms (virtually exclusively) and worked very well.
 
JJ Alexander said:
My question is this: Is it ok to start the story at such a fevered pitch OR is it better to create a background and a lead in to how they arrived here and maybe show the room earlier in the evening when more people are there and establish these 2 main characters existing in this place?

ALSO

Is having only 2 characters a mistake? I think I can tell the story with just the two of them but I'm aware I 'almost' never see a film with just 2 characters.
My guess is that just for variety and keeping an audience interest 2 chars. might not be enough.

I should say I am a professional actor (Broadway,TV, Film) living in NYC. Earlier in my life I was a pro level pool player and the story is somewhat autobiographical.

if you would like more story and char. details I would be happy to give them.

Thats it. Thanks for any ideas and input.

JJ
Click to expand...

Yes, you can start a movie this way. Every James Bond movie starts like this, cools down, heats up again.

This sounds more like a stage play but it can still be a great movie. But, really gonna be hard to pull this off. I suggest renting "My dinner with Andre".
 
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