Need some editing suggestions please! Tight deadline.

[Collectiveink]

I want to turn in a final version to my client tomorrow Wednesday and I'm feeling stuck.

I need suggestions on how to make this a bit better in post. (Yes, I have my thick skin on.)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVYDj1R701Q


Background:

This was conceived, scripted, and put together in a week. The "actors" were literally picked 5 mins before filming. The little girl was a champ considering we spent about 3 hours filming. Shot with a Canon T3i, various lens, ambient lighting.

I've color corrected, and spot corrected (via adjustment layer in Premier Pro CC) and applied a desaturation style to help, but it's still lacking. I'm used to filming houses, so this was a big stretch.

Thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks,
Tim

 

[David W. Richardson]

First off, the music isn't great. It doesn't seem to fit the overall look and feel.

Definitely tighten up the editing. A number of cuts start too early or hold on too long.

We don't need to see the girl putting a token into the ski ball machine. And I'm not sure the mom helping her is needed. It's about kids having fun, right? And go from the ball going into the hole to the tickets spitting out, then to the girl jumping for joy. Seeing her jumping for joy twice isn't necessary and takes up time.

Yeah, that music really isn't right. The pace slows and seems almost kind of sad when she's cashing in her tickets. Cut straight from putting the tickets on the counter to getting the big stuffed animal.

"Come have fun with us soon"? Not the most compelling line. You need a real grabber at the end.

And don't fade to black, pause, and then bring in the logo. Fade into the logo. Keep the music going under the logo.

Overall, just tighten everything up. Make it quick. Quick cuts convey excitement and fun.

Camera work is pretty good. Lighting is pretty good. Color correction and sat are good. Just tighten it up, put the focus on the kids having fun. And change that music.

Not bad at all!