Need help with short screenplay

R

rc444

Well-known member
I've written a short 5 minute screenplay. I've hit a snag in the ending. The script is complete and I'll be shooting it in Febuary '08, but I'm not sure if I can afford the ending, if you know what I mean.

Basic plot:

- A kid goes trick or treating and visits Arnold's house. Arnold is a fat slob who has no patience for others.

- The kid says "trick or treat?" Arnold goes away, returns with a jug of coffee, replies "trick", and then pours the coffee on the kid. The kid runs away, screaming.

- Neville a corrupt salesman visits Arnold. He tries to sell a bunny to Arnold. He ends up secretely stealing his money and walks away.

- The kid passes Arnold's house again and gets his revenge by slashing a tyre on a car outside Arnold's house.

- The salesman leaves the house, starts up his car and realises one of his tyres was flat. The kid thought that the saleman's car was Arnolds. Arnold runs over and beats up the saleman. In the background, the kid runs out of Arnold's house with a television set. Everyone gets their come-uppance.

My question is this: I'm going to try and find someone who would be kind enough to lend me their car so I could slash one of their tyres for the movie. If this doesn't work, is their a cheaper way of the kid getting his revenge?

Thanks,
David
 
If it were me this is what I'd do:

As the kid is making the trusting motion into the tire, cut to a TIGHT split-second shot of the blade entering into the tire:

Find a rimless old junkyard tire - something similar to the actual tires on the car, frame it TIGHT- so you only see the black rubber. Film the blade piercing the tire.

Cut to a reaction shot of the kid as he pulls the knife back.

Cut back to a shot of the tire deflating (frame it differently- so we don't see where the knife supposedly slashed the tire) . I'd remove the valve stem from the actual tire on the car and film it deflating, maybe speed it up a bit in post. Use a valve stem remover, but be careful because it'll deflate fast!
(after you're done with this scene, just replace the valve stem and pump the tire back up...)

If you edit it right and add some believable sound effects, you'll be able to sell the scene.
 
Hey David,

This isn't a solution to your problem or anything but I just noticed you're from Wellington, New Zealand. Cool to see someone else from here on the boards!

Chris
 
Hi Chris,

Nice to see someone from Wellington on here too:) I'll be sure to check out the music on your website, as I'm always looking for future collaborators on my projects.

David
 
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