Narration appropriate?

[connorburke]

I have now been developing and planning a feature-length screenplay for a good three or four months and I have just started to write it.

I have been debating over using narration for a few days now. I have read books like "The Screenwriter's Workbook" and "Story" which urge not to use narration in a film unless it's done correctly.

I wanted to use this narration to introduce the characters in a straightforward fashion, much like the introduction of 'The Royal Tenenbaums,' but I also want to make my narrator a character like 'the stranger' in 'The Big Lebowski'. These are just both scenarios where v.o. was used and it inspired me.

The film that I am writing is about a suburban family where many of the events take place at their home. The characters are introduced by an agoraphobic writer that refuses to leave his home; he watches the family in the house across the street from him through the gaps in his blinds of his upstairs window. This is supposed to hint at the fact that he is writing a novel about the dysfunctional family that resides across from the street from him. I also want the little bits of narration to be read like an audiobook would sound, I want it to sound the way a person would read something out loud.

I am beating myself up over actually doing this though, because this is my first screenplay, and it is a spec script; I'm a first-time writer and I intend to approach "important" people with this script one day, I do not know if I am taking too big of a risk by doing something that technically doesn't abide to the standards of screenwriting.

If anyone could help me out and tell me what you think I should do that would be great. Thanks!

 

[vcassel]

I have been debating over using narration for a few days now. I have read books like "The Screenwriter's Workbook" and "Story" which urge not to use narration in a film unless it's done correctly.

There are many aspects of screenwriting that need to be done 'correctly' in order for it to sell. Since this is your first attempt, the chances are stacked against your writing it 'correctly', so I wouldn't worry too much about it. You're not going to write your first draft 'correctly' anyways, be it your first screenplay or 100th.

I wanted to use this narration to introduce the characters in a straightforward fashion, much like the introduction of 'The Royal Tenenbaums,' but I also want to make my narrator a character like 'the stranger' in 'The Big Lebowski'. These are just both scenarios where v.o. was used and it inspired me.

The film that I am writing is about a suburban family where many of the events take place at their home. The characters are introduced by an agoraphobic writer that refuses to leave his home; he watches the family in the house across the street from him through the gaps in his blinds of his upstairs window. This is supposed to hint at the fact that he is writing a novel about the dysfunctional family that resides across from the street from him. I also want the little bits of narration to be read like an audiobook would sound, I want it to sound the way a person would read something out loud.

There are a lot of films that use narration in this manner. Of the top of my head, Stand by Me does this to a degree and I think Running with Scissors as well. I don't think I remember ever seeing a film with distracting narration that killed the film, so relax.

I am beating myself up over actually doing this though, because this is my first screenplay, and it is a spec script; I'm a first-time writer and I intend to approach "important" people with this script one day, I do not know if I am taking too big of a risk by doing something that technically doesn't abide to the standards of screenwriting.

If this is your first screenplay, you should know right now that the chances of approaching anyone even vaguely important with it are slim to none, so relax! You're beating yourself up over it because you're already involving too much risk over its success. The only success you'll have from writing your first screenplay is in learning how not to write a screenplay, and that's the most valuable lesson of all. Seriously, statistically speaking, you'll probably end up drawering it after you read a couple of times. Just get it out of the way and stop worrying about conquering the world with it.

If anyone could help me out and tell me what you think I should do that would be great. Thanks!

The only help you need is a swift kick in the butt to get you started on writing it. You've already spend a "good three or four months" developing and planning it. What is it, an obscure biography in trilogy form? Get cracking on writing that first draft. If you get stuck, write something weak or easy and keep going. Nothing's written, it rewritten and blah, blah, blah.

 

[clang]

Yup, start writing!

The idea of the narrator also being a character in the movie is good - or at least a lot better than an anonymous disembodied voice, which is common in bad narration. In fact you could even make him more of a character by having the narration literally being the character carefully recording his observations (perhaps before later typing them up) - that introduces the narration concept to the audience, so that in later scenes the voice can be heard alone as a continuation of those observations.

A watcher character like this also lets you easily build a lot of tension - make his lines very ambiguous, so the audience can't work out whether he's a harmless nutcase, a private investigator, or something more sinister.

 

[Ted Spencer]

I agree that a first screenplay is very unlikely to become a highly successful one, but I also think that connorburke shouldn't invest too much in thinking that way. Do your best on it, and let your dreams of Hollywood success (or however you imagine it) fuel it. Apply what you've learned from your studies of the craft, and construct your imaginary script-world with all your heart. When it's done, you can show it to knowledgeable folks and get feedback. Whatever the outcome, if you finish it, it will be a highly useful experience. My first effort sits on a shelf to this day, where, short of a from-the-ground-up retoolling, it will likely stay indefinitely. However, my second feature-length effort, which started out as a rewrite, became a co-write (shared authorship), and was shot in 2008. There's no doubt in my mind that what I learned from the experience of writing the first one (and getting feedback on it) was very substantially what made the second one possible, and ultimately successful, at least in terms of "getting it produced".

So, do your best, apply what you've leaned, but don't forget to:

Have fun doing it

You'll only ever have one first screenplay. Enjoy it, and go ahead and dream your dreams!

 

[Ted Spencer]

And as to the narrative question, I think it's advised against for one basic, good reason: it is all too often used by (not very skilled and/or lazy) writers as a crutch, or as a misguided attempt to tell the story in a 'novelistic' style. But film inherently doesn't do that very well because of it's nature as a picture-driven medium. Novels work beautifully that way because of *their* nature; the world of inner thoughts/feelings and direct verbal descriptions. But many many great films by great screenwriters have used narration, so it's provably not strictly 'illegal'. You just need to do it in...well...a way that genuinely 'needs' it to be done that way - and that *works well*. If it's the best way to make the film's concept work, and you're certain you're *not* going all novelistic, then I say go for it.

Just make sure to check your intentions at the door... : )

 

[astrozombie]

Hey Marty's movies have narration-

"as far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster"

"Listen, you poo pooers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the poo poos, the dogs, the filth, the s**t. Here is a man who stood up."

So yeah, if you can write lines like that go right ahead and narrate all you want.

You knowwwww.....

the general rule is that the main character needs another character to talk to in order to explain whats going on in his head to the audience- this character is the "buddy" character. Its why Batman needs Alfred, in a screenwriting sense. If the character is a loner/psycho or otherwise can't/won't talk to a buddy then you narrate so you can get in his head, as in the Taxi Driver example (Travis is a loner), or in Goodfelllas the guy is an outsider of sorts and is sharing an outsider's view of the mob.

So that's when narration is MOST appropriate. Works well with psychos/wierdos/loners/outsiders so we can be like whoah this person is nuts/interesting/fascinating.

"he said if the devil came at me I could shoot him with a gun"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gK2Y5H1jdU

 

[j1clark@ucsd.edu]

If the character is a loner/psycho or otherwise can't/won't talk to a buddy then you narrate so you can get in his head

Works better if if the 'buddy' is mother mummified... one gets a significant character, but doesn't have to pay extra for an actoress with a speaking part...