My first script feedback help

K

KrickProductions

Member
Hey guys,

I just finished my first script about a week ago. Came to about 114 pages. It took me about a month to complete on top of school so I am happy about that. After I completed it I gave it to a few of my friends to read over. They gave some great tips and I was wondering if anyone can help me find information about fixing these problems.

1. They said I was doing too much "telling" and not "Showing." What are some good words I could use to help me make it more showing and less telling?

2. They said my dialogue all sounds like me like if I were speaking to them. How can I create good character speaking styles? What is an easy way to have your character do the talking and not yourself when you are writing?

They gave me some tips to improve these ideas , but I would like some more. Any feedback and tips or even movies to watch with good dialogue would be appreciated. Thanks!
 
Congratulations on getting this far on your script!

Now......the reality. :) Your script isn't 'finished'. You got the first draft done, which is an awesome accomplishment! But the majority of writing is RE-writing. So now the real work begins.

This is probably going to sound trite and of no value, but the answers to your questions are pretty simple.

Showing, rather than telling. Without reading your script, it's hard to tell exactly what this refers to. But remember that your audience doesn't know what your characters are thinking, feeling, or anything else about them unless they can SEE it or HEAR it. So don't have your character SAY how they feel -- have them SHOW it, as much as possible. Also, most of the time it's not good to have a character SAY something that's already obvious or apparent to your audience. Reveal the traits of your character through their behavior, rather than just having them talking about themselves.

Here's a good trick to try -- pick one of your scenes and try to rewrite it with absolutely no dialogue at all, and still have it convey all of the important information to the audience. Once you've done your very best to write it with no dialogue, then go back and rewrite it again, putting in only the amount of dialogue that's absolutely necessary now. This way you force yourself to find ways to SHOW rather than TELL. It also helps you eliminate things that truly aren't necessary.

Now, about all of the dialogue sounding like the way you talk.... The only real way to fix that is to study how other people talk. Choose a person you know -- or a TV or movie character -- who's way of speaking fits one of your characters, and then use that person as a model for your character's dialogue. Also, keep in mind that certain stereotypes are used in movies. The super-intelligent science geeks tend to speak with excellent grammar. The jocks don't. That's not a hard and fast rule, of course, but it's a good guideline to keep in mind.

Writing is hard. It takes study and work. Keep at it! :)
 
Congrats on Fade Out.

1) You want to *demonstrate* emotions and thoughts through actions. Imagine the movie screen - now tell your story so that we can see the story, what people think, and what people feel - only by what can be seen on the screen. Dramatize your scenes so that the characters are demonstrating whatever they are feeling, rather tghan just talking about it.

2) Character's voices come from knowing the characters - their background, attitude, way they see the world. If you have one character who believes everything in life is great, and another who believes things will go wrong; they can't help but sound different. This always comes down to knowing your characters.

Keep writing. You know what they say about practice...

- Bill
 
David- Thanks for the great ideas! Writing a scene without using any dialogue would be a great way to make the story more visual. The stereotyping when using character speaking mannerisms is a great tip also. Its hard to try to think like your character and not yourself when writing, but it is going to have to be one of those things I will have to learn and practice.

WCM- Thanks for the tips! I think I understand what you are saying for "demonstrating." Using more motions and movements for my characters to show how they are feeling not by speaking it. For the characters biography I did that with my important characters. I think my problem was when I was writing my dialogue I was subconsciously thinking what I would say not what my character would say.

Thanks for the well knowledge replies. Any more input or comments would be appreciated!
 
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