My Fantasy Script

Robbie Comeau

Robbie Comeau

Como's back. back again
Ok guys, i'll try this again...7 pages, with 8 scenes. Do you guys like it? I havea great idea for more to write, I already got the movie down, now its just time of writing it. Ill keep it updated. CeltX is a great program.

Code: 
                                   SCREENPLAY                              
                                                                           
                                       by                                  
                                                                           
                                 ROBBIE COMEAU                             
                 
                                                                           
                              SCENE ONE                                    
                    EXT: Day- Forest                                       
                                                                           
                              DARRYL IS WALKING IN THE FOREST. VARIOUS     
          SHOTS OF HIM DOING THIS. AS HE EXITS THE PATH, TO GO INTO A      
          NEW ONE, HE IS STUCK. HE CAN’T ENTER, SOMETHING IS BLOCKING      
          HIS WAY. A GLOBE, OR WALL OF SOME SORT. CU OF HAND ENTERING      
          SHOT, AS DARRYL TOUCHES THE WALL. VOICES ENTER, SAYING           
          "LEAVE," AND "STAY AWAY." DARRYL GETS FRIGHTENED. CAMERA         
          FOLLOWS HIM AS HE TURNS, LOOKING AROUND, UP IN THE SKY, FOR      
          THIS MYSTERIOUS VOICE.                                           
                    INT: Night- Darryl’s Room                              
                                                                           
                              DARRYL SHOOTS STRAIGHT UP OUT OF BED.        
          SWEAT ALL OVER HIS FACE. IT WAS A DREAM; A LIFE LIKE DREAM.      
          HE LOOKS OVER AT THE CLOCK, AND IT SAYS                          
                    3:00 am.                                               
                                                                           
                              HE PUTS HIS HAND ON HIS SWEATY HEAD, AND     
          FALLS BACK DOWN ON HIS PILLOW                                    
                                                                           
                              SCENE TWO                                    
                    INT: Morning- Darryl’s Room                            
                                                                           
                              FADE IN FROM WHITE                           
                    CU of DARRYL’S face sleeping. The                      
                    sound of an alarm awakes him. He                       
                    opens his eyes, squints, and closes                    
                    them. Crunching noises comes in.                       
                                                                           
                              INT: MORNING- KITCHEN                        
                                                                           
                              WS OF DARRYL EATING CEREAL. HE FLIPS THE     
          NEWSPAPER IN FRONT OF HIM. CU OF HIS FACE, LOOKING DOWN AT       
          THE PAPER. DARRYL LOOKS AWAY, TITLING HEAD UP. HE LOOKS          
          DOWN, HAVING THOUGHTS.                                           
                                                                           
                              FLASH BACK SEQUENCE                          
                    Thoughts from DARRYLS dream are                        
                    coming back; DARRYLS getting to the                    
                    dead end. Thoughts of his hand                         
                    touching the wall, and now the                         
                    voices enter.                                          
                                                                           
                              END FLASH BACK SEQUENCE                      
                    CU of DARRYLS eyes, he is deep in                      
                    thought.                                               
                                                                           
                              SCENE THREE                                  
                    INT: Afternoon- Darryl’s Driveway                      
                                                                           
                                

                                                                  2.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              CU OF THE BASKETBALL NET, AS A BALL GOES     
          IN THE MESH. WS OF DARRYL AS HE RETRIEVES THE BALL. HE           
          DRIBBLES IT WHILE LOOKING DOWN, THEN ANOTHER DRIBBLE LOOKING     
          AT THE NET, AND HE SHOOTS. A VOICE COMES IN, AND HE LOOKS IN     
          THE DIRECTION OF THE VOICE.                                      
                                                                           
                              GIRL                                         
                    Hey, I’m Cayshea Jennings...I just                     
                    moved here.                                            
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Oh, you must be the new girl                           
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    Ha, ya...What’s your name?                             
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Sorry, I’m Darryl.                                     
                                                                           
          DARRYL politely reaches his hand out, and gives CAYSHEA a        
          hand.                                                            
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    How old are you?                                       
                                                                           
          DARRYL lets go of her hand                                       
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    Just turned 18, you?                                   
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    I’m 17.                                                
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    That’s cool...                                         
                                                                           
          CAYSHEA looks down, and smiles.                                  
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Ya, you like your new house?                           
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    Ya, I mean it’s different...But                        
                    I’ll get used to it.                                   
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    That’s usually what happens.                           
                                                                           
          CAYSHEA smiles.                                                  
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    I got to get back, and unpack some                     
                    things, I’ll see you later maybe?                      
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                          
                                                                  3.       
                                                               
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Sure thing, I’m here if you need me                    
                                                                           
          DARRYL smiles                                                    
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    See ya                                                 
                                                                           
          CAYSHEA exits, and goes into her house                           
                                                                           
          WS of Darryl, shooting another basket.                           
                                                                           
                              SCENE FOUR                                   
                    INT: Night- Room                                       
                                                                           
          DARRYL is doing push-ups on the ground. CU of DARRYLS face       
          as he goes up and down, up and down breathing, and panting       
          loudly.                                                          
                                                                           
          PHONE rings                                                      
                                                                           
          DARRYL gets up off the ground, and grabs the phone that is       
          on his desk. He looks who is calling, and it says                
                    JENNINGS                                               
                                                                           
          He looks confused, eyebrows bend. DARRYL picks up the phone.     
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Hello?                                                 
                                                                           
          PAUSE                                                            
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Hello?                                                 
                                                                           
          STATIC noise starts to come in. DARRYL can’t hear anything.      
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Is anyone there? Hello?                                
                                                                           
          DARRYL waits, and hangs up the phone. He places it on the        
          desk, and goes back to his routine- push ups.                    
                                                                           
                              SCENE FIVE                                   
                    INT: Night- Room                                       
                                                                           
          DARRYL is sound asleep.                                          
                                                                           
                              DREAM SEQUENCE                               
                    WS of shots of DARRYL, in the                          
                    forest. He is having the same dream                    
                    as before. He is once again stuck                      
                    at this wall, this thing, this                         
                              (MORE)
 
Code: 
                         4.       
                                                            
                              DREAM SEQUENCE (cont’d)                      
                    zone. What is it? a passage to a                       
                    new world? Voices enter again,                         
                    "Leave," "You don’t belong here."                      
                    Darryl is frightened, turning and                      
                    breathing heavily are his actions.                     
                                                                           
                              END DREAM SEQUENCE                           
                                                                           
          DARRYL shoots up out of bed. He wipes the sweat coming off       
          his face. He looks at the clock. It says                         
                                                                           
          2:30 AM.                                                         
                                                                           
          He lies back down. After a few moments, he gets up and makes     
          his way to the bathroom. He bends down, and throws water in      
          his face. He looks up into the mirror, and sees his self,        
          the lonely DARRYL.                                               
                                                                           
                              SCENE SIX                                    
                    EXT: Afternoon- School                                 
                                                                           
          DARRYL is shotting is some basketballs. This time, at the        
          school. He shoots for a while, when he turns out, to find        
          CAYSHEA.                                                         
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    Hey                                                    
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Jesus, you scared me                                   
                                                                           
          DARRYL puts his hand to his head, and looks back and forth       
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    I’m sorry, how are you?                                
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    I’m, g-good.                                           
                                                                           
          Panting                                                          
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Did you call me last night?                            
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    Um, no...                                              
                                                                           
          She looks mysterious                                             
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Oh, well I got a call, saying it                       
                    was from a JENNINGS, and I only                        
                    know one JENNINGS                                      
                                                     
                                                                  5.       
                                                                         
          DARRYL waits a bit                                               
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    and that’s you.                                        
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    Weird...No I didn’t call, I don’t                      
                    even know your number.                                 
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Alright, it’s fine, what brings you                    
                    here?                                                  
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    Just thought I’d go for a walk.                        
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Cool                                                   
                                                                           
          DARRYL dribbles the ball twice.                                  
                                                                           
                              CAYSHEA                                      
                    mm...Well I saw you out here, and I                    
                    thought I’d come by and visit. I’m                     
                    going to get back, see ya                              
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Um, k...bye?                                           
                                                                           
          HE looks confused. Short visit, why?                             
                                                                           
          DARRYL turns, and is getting ready for a shot in the net,        
          but turns around to say something to CAYSHEA who is leaving.     
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    WAIT!-                                                 
                                                                           
          Gone. CAYSHEA is gone. No where to be seen. WS of emptiness,     
          we just see the ground, some trees, a long fence, and some       
          housing in the background.                                       
                                                                           
          CU of DARRYL, looking confused. He looks around, and SLOWLY      
          looks down to the ground to notice a book. It wasn’t there       
          before, he would have recognized it when he was shooting         
          basketballs. WS of him bending down to pick it up. Its an        
          old, washed out JOURNAL. DARRYL puts the ball in his arms,       
          and camera cuts to a CU of an open JOURNAL. It is a girl’s       
          diary. Who’s?                                                    
                                                                           
          CU of DARRYL, as he looks confused and nervous. He looks         
          around.                                                          
                                                                           
          DARRYL closes the book, and WS as and heads on home.             
                                                                           
                            
                                                                  6.       
                                                                    
                                                                           
                              SCENE SEVEN                                  
                    INT: Night- Room                                       
                                                                           
          DARRYL is lying in bed. The JOURNAL on his stomach. His arms     
          are behind his head, and he is looking at the journal.           
          Moments later, he picks it up, and begins to read it.            
                    JOURNAL                                                
                                                                           
          Journal 1, August 3rd- Me                                        
                                                                           
          I’m 18. I’m a pretty easy girl, I mean, I have a lot of          
          friends. Recently, I’ve been reading a lot of books, and         
          writing them also. My dad just died, and I’m living alone        
          with my mom and my two sisters. It’s kinda hard, but I’m         
          getting through it oh k. But on a good note, its my cousin’s     
          birthday today! I’m excited for that, she’s turning 2, she’s     
          such a cute little thing! But anyway, I just got accepted to     
          Mill Boar College, I’m studying Accounting, it should be         
          fun! I’m already making new friends at campus, and I’m           
          learning lots.                                                   
                                                                           
          Pretty I’m hanging out with friends, and I’m not as stressed     
          as I used to be.                                                 
                                                                           
          DARRYL quickly shuts the diary, to his 25 year old sister        
          knocking on the door, and coming in. She is fairly short,        
          slim, with blond hair.                                           
                                                                           
                              MACY                                         
                    Hey bud, um mom wants to know if                       
                    you are going on that tour with her                    
                    tomorrow?                                              
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Tomorrow? I thought it was on the                      
                    20th...Isn’t tomorrow the 15th?                        
                                                                           
                              MACY                                         
                    No, today is the 15th.                                 
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Wait, what month are we in?                            
                                                                           
                              MACY                                         
                    October silly! The 15th!                               
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    OH, sorry                                              
                                                                           
          DARRYL shakes his head
 
Code: 
                                                                  7.       
                                                                           
                                                                         
                              DARRYL                                       
                    I’m losin’ it. Ugh ya, I might have                    
                    to pass, It’ll be way to boring.                       
                                                                           
                              MACY                                         
                    Oh k, your choice. Good night!                         
                                                                           
                              DARRYL                                       
                    Night Macy.                                            
                                                                           
          MACY shuts the door. CU of DARRYL as he looks down at the        
          book. Quick cut to CU of the cover of the JOURNAL. WS of         
          DARRYL closing his eyes, and sleeping                            
                    FADE OUT                                               
                                                                           
                              SCENE EIGHT                                  
                    INT: Day- Morning                                      
                                                                           
                              WS OF HOUSE, IT IS A BRIGHT SUNNY DAY.       
                    INT: Day- Computer Room                                
                                                                           
          WS on DARRYL has the journal again. HE is sitting on the         
          futon, reading it.                                               
                    JOURNAL                                                
                                                                           
          JOURNAL 2, August 25th- Hard Times                               
                                                                           
          These past couple of weeks, have been tough. My dads             
          anniversary for his death, friends have been ditching me at      
          school, and life at home isn’t going to good, again, with my     
          dad being gone. My whole family misses him so much, and we       
          wish we could change things, but death is death. I may be        
          going to a Therapist soon, maybe it will fix up some things.     
          School has been good. Getting good marks, and I’m really         
          enjoying it, I’m glad I picked this field to study for. My       
          friends have been a bit weird lately, saying they can’t hang     
          out, saying there busy, I don’t know. But what I DO no, is       
          that these "Hard Times" will come to an end. Life is about       
          working things out, and this is the point in life where I        
          gotta do it.                                                     
                                                                           
          WS of DARRYL, as he closes the book, and exits the room.         
                    INT: Day- Room                                         
                                                                           
          DARRYL is now in his room. He throws the JOURNAL on his          
          desk, and exits. CAMERA slowly zooms in on it.

That's t for now guys
 
Why would i, i kinda expected all the hatred....It wouldn't stop me from making my film still haha...Did you read it?
 
Simply awful! Go shoot yourself.

Just kidding...nice to see it take some form. Keep at it, your enthusiasm for learning the craft is wonderful.
 
Don't direct your scripts as you write -
you must remember you're a writer so leave the directing alone.


Make it simple.
 
Last edited:
Im actualyl a filmer, director, and editor lol...i dont liek writing but noone will do it. so i have to....thanks for the tip
 
When you write a script, you generally keep it to the general actions, setting, and dialogue taking place. Shot selection, lighting, etc. is something that the director deals with. Seeing things in a script like "wide shot of blah blah" or "close up of this" etc. will generally be ignored, and might even make a script look weak.

If you are directing the film, then this isn't a rule you need to pay too much attention to for that particular project. The point being made here is that in GENERAL, it isn't very professional to fill your script with camera directions.
 
What are you going into as a career? a DVX100 and tripod + audio stuff is a pretty expensive playkit if you aren't interested in the field lol :-P

But that's not my judgement to make I suppose... have fun while you still can!
 
SeanEmer said:
What are you going into as a career? a DVX100 and tripod + audio stuff is a pretty expensive playkit if you aren't interested in the field lol :-P

But that's not my judgement to make I suppose... have fun while you still can!
Click to expand...

Might just have rich parents :2vrolijk_08:
 
No, i want to go into filmmaking, and make films......That's why i said im no writer...So i dont really care if im godo or bad, but i wouldn't mind learning it.

I buy all my stuff...I payed my camera half with my dad because im gnoig to school for this
 
I never said i wasnt interested Sean Emer...i love filmmaking...just not the writing part...i dont even have a crew, so im by my self...sometimes i gotta act aha
 
You don't need to be a good writer yourself, but as a filmmaker, you sure need to know a good script from a crappy one, and that means having some grasp of script writing. And you really should CARE if you're good or bad. That same attitude just might show up in your finished product.

However, since you asked ...

You need to learn to use Celtx correctly. You have action formatted in dialogue blocks, slugs where character heading should be. I'm exhausted trying to figure out what is what. My guess is your someday crew will be equally befuddled.

Next, your dialogue is really contirived. Maybe I'm just getting too old, but do teens really ask one's age when they first meet?

Needs work. A lot!

Alex


www.alexwhitmer.wordpress.com
 
Alex stole the words out of my mouth.

Shame on you for stealing! Those were my words!


Don't stop writing, Como, but do take more time with what you write.
 
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