Learning to Direct - a Critique Opportunity

[luvjaimie]

Hey everyone -

I'm new here and I saw this Directing section and I got really excited.

I directed my first footage in November of last year to promote a feature my company is fundraising for.

I have watched it 100 times and made a million notes on things I wish I had done differently.

I'd really love the opportunity to have some other directors critique it and let me know what things they would change. I'm not easily offended and I want to know if there are things I haven't noticed that need improvement.

I am really trying to stretch myself to become a better Director, especially since I'm scheduled to direct my first feature in early April and want to do a better job than I did on the trailer.

Thanks in advance to everyone who takes the time to have a look!

http://vimeo.com/19691207

 

[tildenm]

Ok, here are a few comments:

3 minutes to get to dialogue is waaaaaay too long. You spend almost a full minute of Eddie getting into the car and driving off.
The majority of the camera moves are unmotivated and do not add to the story.
The staging of the four women on the couch looks contrived as you have essentially a single angle. We get CUs and the reaction shot timing is good, but there is no sense of space.

 

[john threat]

I watched it too. Could you post your notes of what you would have done differently. Is this the first thing you directed? It looks like you are in love with your shots and not cutting them down to tell the story.

Your cinematographer did you justice tho, the footage looks great! It probably could use a pass at colour correction, nothing major, but something else to think about. The feel in my opinion was too much of a soap opera look - if that's the look you were aiming for - you and your dp nailed it!

April is real soon. Start consuming movies and making copious notes!

 

[Melvin Harris]

Hey luvJaimie,

Good job using the front and the back of the location for the different houses. Ok, Eddie is a little stiff. I know that it's a set up, but there is nothing especially interesting about her in the time she was on the screen. Pamela is the most natural character in the piece. She has the most natural pacing in her speech and the most natural mannerisms. She wants something and we can tell so there is a little characterization there. Just as long as her fiancée doesn't end up with Halyn or something. And speaking of Halyn, she troubles me. I can tell that there is some humor in her lines and gunpowder in her brassier, but her character is contrived and the actor is completely disconnected to the character (I know it's early). If Pamela is light as a feather, Halyn is stiff as a board. Her beats are unnatural and her affectations are extreme (as are Claire's and Eddie's). Having watched the actors interviews, I think that Renee is a good choice for the part, it just needs some, well, some directing so to speak... Control of affects is a big job for both the director and the actor, but it's necessary. We can't connect with people we think are plastic.

Psychology/Necessity of Shots.
Intention and obstacle.
Intent and Motivation.
Subtext and emotion.
Understanding and Misunderstanding.
Set-Up and Pay Off.

These are just a few things that seem heavy and dramatic but are fundamentals that will help even in a small 7min arc, again IMHO.

But I may be full of it...

Great work!

 

[luvjaimie]

Thanks everyone for your feedback.

To answer some questions - yes, this is the first thing I have ever directed. My DP is very experienced and I was proud of her movements.

There was color correction in editing - I'm curious to see how we can improve on this - any notes?

My notes:

I don't think I directed the acting enough.

Eddie has never acted before - I know we have a lot to work with in this area.

Halyn felt like she was theater acting to me - I think I need her to tone it done a bit and somehow be more natural.

Pamela, I agree, was the best in this footage.

Clare seems to need some direction in the area of being more natural (or less in some cases - like her accent).

We filmed all of this in a day and a half with $1,000, but there were things I could have done differently to make it better - I'm just not sure what adjustments to make. I agree the intro is too long. The scenes we have in the actual film are long like this to allow for opening credits with great music rather than a lot of dialogue. Perhaps I should look at cutting this back. As the writer, I was going for an introduction of each woman's life before we go into the storytelling. The actual script has the women's mornings inter-mingled, though - not just one leap from each to the next.

john threat - you said it looked a little soap opera-like - why do you think that is? what should we change to give it more of a film look?

tildenm - can you elaborate on what you mean about unmotivated camera movements and no sense of space? how would you have added depth to this?

pharpsied - thinking about the group scene on the couch - can you give me an example, thinking of the conversation, of how you might have staged this?

 

[maranfilms]

As you know, Directing goes way beyond shooting. It's hard to tell how good a director is without working with him or her on set. Because so many times the directors take credit for the teams work, Of course it's the directors final say, it's not always the way it works. A good director has knowledge in every aspect of the set. You should know at least the basics, so you can communicate your vision to the crew. A good director should know good acting, seems logical, but not all do. You should know focal lengthes, and how to use a camera. A good director has the forsight to see a scene play out before it ever happens. A good director needs to have good communication skills, and should know how to talk to, and not talk down to the crew, and actors. So honestly for me watch a clip you directed really doesn't tell me if your actually a good director. Especially if the Dp,s calling the shots.

 

[j1clark@ucsd.edu]

I think I watched this when you first posted it, but didn't have time to comment. I'll take one example on the editing, early on.

When everyone is loading into the car:

at 00:48, there's a wide shot of the kids going to the back door of the car.
Then
cut to closer in shot, just the door, and then the kids move into the the frame.

They are already at the door in the first shot, so, cut to them opening the door and climb in, they are almost all the way in
Then

There there's a shot from the 'far' side car interior as the woman gets into the driver's seat
Then
back to a shot of the girl seating herself, then closing the the nearly all the way open door.
Then
Back to wide as the car backs up into the street,
Then
a pan as the car drives away.

I'd cut the last close up of the girl closing the door. That's implied when the girl climbs in.

I'd tighten the editing on the girls getting to the door, to cut where they open the door in the close up.

However, one of the 'rules' or 'strongly suggested', is if there's a frame change, that it be more than 35 degrees from the first shot. From the wide shot, to the close up there's virtually
no change in angle.

So, if there is 'room' on the wide shot which shows the girls opening the door, I'd cut there, then cut to the far side close up 'interior' shot. Just as a note, for me that shot is a bit close on the top ofthe woman's head for me...

Then back to wide of the car, and have the cut come when the car is back out, and moving slightly 'forward', rathe than have the pan.

In other words I'd eliminate the girls climbing in to the car all together as that is implied once they get to the door... just as yet another a note, I didn't like the framing, as it cut off the girls heads as well...(*)

For a shot, and even a long format film, there is no benefit in showing implied movement or actions.

Since there was nothing 'note worthy' going on as the car pulls away, there's no real reason to have the pan...

Sure that saves a 'second or two'... well with 30 such shots, you've lopped off 30-60 seconds of your film... 'oh my god' you say... but they were like empty calories... nothing there, and just go to waist/waste.. so either 'you can tell your story in 30-60 seconds shorter time'... or add important stuff when it's needed...

Shorter is actually better for shorts... a fest program reviewer will 'see' your film as a concise film... and program it... especially if it tells your story, under 3 minutes, and they can pack it in between 'big important films'...

*I think there is a place for cropping into the top of the head on shots... just these places I made note, are not to me places were it works...

 

[tildenm]

tildenm - can you elaborate on what you mean about unmotivated camera movements and no sense of space? how would you have added depth to this?

Sure.

Unmotivated camera movement - a few examples. At 0:34 the camera dollys back and with one shot in between, the dolly starts at the same point and dollies back again at the same speed. It is unmotivated, because while you may be clearing some additional space for the actor, if you had used a longer lens, the dolly would be unnecessary. The dolly move itself does not give impact to the story. It is a tight shot, and remains so, so the purpose is not something like "becoming lesson personal", it just is a move.

Same with the track at 2:40, it shows more of the bed, it is not a reveal, it just is. The sliders for each track are similar. Sliders may be fun, but what is the outside of the house on a slider adding to the story.

Also I get bugged by unnecessary reframings. The camera appears to be on a tripod at 1:40 and 4:07 for example, but the camera reframes and not in an interesting way.

Sense of space - I am really talking about the 4 shot in 3:01 and after. The four characters are sitting on the same plane. This would be ok if you were going for a flat look for storytelling purposes, but because the couch and the people are at an angle, it isn't artistically flat. So, if you had the two seated on the floor at the table instead like (forgive the ASCI art, hopefully it will look right):

-------
A I I
----- I B I
I I I I
I I I I
C I I I D I
----- I I
-------

Where A and C are on the floor at the table and B and D are on the couch, you can move around them more, do over the shoulder shots, and create a sense of the room rather than a stage play.

EDIT: Grr, the asci art failed, hopefully you see what I mean...

 

[tildenm]

And also check out Hollywood Camerawork DVDs, they are very good and can give you some invaluable pointers.

 

[Granville]

The one thing not spoken of much (at least that I have read thus far) in this directing section is blocking (the actor's movement, positioning, relative spacing, etc.).

Just as unnatural or unmotivated camera moves create a sort of dragging to the overall feel of a scene, blocking can bring about stiffness and discomfort to the overall feel of a scene.

To my eye, four girlfriends getting comfortable with a bottle of wine and vibrator talk just don't look like that, all clumped together, the two in front sort of cheating forward.

Get them comfortable and there is a better chance that dynamics will flow. More experienced actors will often ask for a more comfortable or natural-to-the-scene type of blocking.

Though it is more complex and time consuming, I would spread them out (though you may have to knock out a wall to get a four shot if you don't have a wide enough lens) and move the camera around them (who says you even need an establishing four shot). Try to find little angles that give glimpses into how the characters feel. You can at least edit a bit of dynamics if you can't get it out of the actors.

Then when they are comfortable you can dig in to the other dynamic aspects of what is happening in the scene such as the way that the word "vibrator" acts upon each of them. How they sip their wine at particular moments.

Sitting up, slouching, touching hair and all subtleties that add to character dynamics must also be motivated by some feeling otherwise they don't say anything and will often be too staged or trite.

The movement of the camera fused with the movement of the actors is a major aspect of the "film look" that is often overlooked.

I could provide more feedback about actors but this is the main point that jumped out at me.

Best of Luck

 

[luvjaimie]

I had a chance to come back and look at some of the updated comments today. I've been crazy busy planning fundraisers for this feature but also working on some other films.

tildemn - thanks for your explanation on unmotivated camera movements. I really appreciated the clarification. I had a chance to go back and look at some of my favorite romcom's and noticed that most of the time the cameras are on sticks. There isn't a whole lot of movement involved that doesn't have some sort of purpose - sometimes it's trying to set a mood of lightness - but in our short there really wasn't a point to the camera movements so I can agree that we probably shouldn't have used the dollies as much.

Granville - I see what you mean. Originally - we planned to use two couches and have the girls spread out - but one of our actresses (the one to the right on the floor behind the coffee table) ended up being six months pregnant during the shoot. We had to put them behind the coffee table to hide her bump. Same with her in the bed. We had to put her there to introduce her and hide her pregnancy. She won't be pregnant during the actual filming of the feature so we can make an effort to have better use of space so that the scenes are more natural and the actors have more room to behave so.

maranfilms - I'm probably not what you would call a good director yet - but I think I'm learning a lot and will be some day. the DP didn't really call all the shots on this short. I planned everything myself; location, script, production design, acting, did the shot list and planned angles that I wanted - she chose lenses and dolly, etc. - she also did the editing and coloring. while I think her coloring was nice, she didn't use the takes I asked her to use in editing. she tends to choose beautiful camera shots over the best acting and what's actually essential to the story and I wasn't happy with some of the takes that got added - nor was I happy with the length of the title cards and credits. I think they were too slow. after reviewing the short with a number of professionals in my area, I made the decision not to offer her the DP job on the actual feature. I think I need to look for someone that has a better understanding of creating the look of film as opposed to the TV-ish product we ended up with.

I've been doing a lot of films lately and I think my company is improving very quickly. I've been networking locally and have joined several local organizations and it's done a lot for my growth as a filmmaker. I'm looking forward to getting through these fundraiser events for the film and getting started on production.

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I really appreciate it and will take what you're saying to heart.