Kicking someone when they are down
- Thread starter HansK
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Jim Brennan
VHS Member Old Skool
Re: Kicking someone when they are down
It's actually not an uncommon sentiment for the bereaved. It sounds (and feels) horrible, but many people go through that emotion. You also have to remember there is a large difference in cultures. In many areas of the undeveloped world, male children are looked at as an asset, and females a burden.
It still stings though. :'(
It's actually not an uncommon sentiment for the bereaved. It sounds (and feels) horrible, but many people go through that emotion. You also have to remember there is a large difference in cultures. In many areas of the undeveloped world, male children are looked at as an asset, and females a burden.
It still stings though. :'(
disjecta
Lucky Duck
Re: Kicking someone when they are down
And just to add to Jim's comments. Losing a loved one (or ones) unexpectedly can make you very irrational (I've been there myself) and what you do or say has to be put in that context.
It's not for us to see or hear something out of it's element and then judge it immediately as observers to a fraction of the larger picture.
And just to add to Jim's comments. Losing a loved one (or ones) unexpectedly can make you very irrational (I've been there myself) and what you do or say has to be put in that context.
It's not for us to see or hear something out of it's element and then judge it immediately as observers to a fraction of the larger picture.
Re: Kicking someone when they are down
Interesting article in today's NYTimes along these same lines. How Thai girls from remote villages leave home for work in the sex trade. Their parents are almost enthusiastic to let them go because there is "little contribution" made through their staying.
You don't need to look as far as the third world to see women treated as second-class or third-class citizens though. Not to be political, but there are many in our own country who would be pleased as punch to see women strictly as homemakers; barefoot and pregnant for life. :-/
Interesting article in today's NYTimes along these same lines. How Thai girls from remote villages leave home for work in the sex trade. Their parents are almost enthusiastic to let them go because there is "little contribution" made through their staying.
You don't need to look as far as the third world to see women treated as second-class or third-class citizens though. Not to be political, but there are many in our own country who would be pleased as punch to see women strictly as homemakers; barefoot and pregnant for life. :-/
Re: Kicking someone when they are down
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/01/03/international/asia/03china.html?oref=login
Might need to register for this story - but everyone should read the Times daily anyway!
Cheers,
e
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/01/03/international/asia/03china.html?oref=login
Might need to register for this story - but everyone should read the Times daily anyway!
Cheers,
e
10s
Veteran
Re: Kicking someone when they are down
In many cultures, and I imagine that the woman who lost her sons is part of one of these cultures, sons are their form of social security. If so, it is good logical reasoning she is stating because the lost is greater than just her family members, their death is hers also...She must now face an uncertain future.
this is a generalization, I do not know her culture.
Until just recently it was common to want to have many sons, this was common most everywhere for a few simply reasons.
1. Most kids use to die early, until this century in America and in many countries the mortality rate is still high.
2. Females go away and become members of their husbands family. They often do not have the same ties as before. They serve their husbands family.
3. Those males that do grow up, some will be broke, some will be stingy, some will die, some will be bad, maybe one will be helpful to their elderly parents.
Because of this traditional economic system women that could bare children were and are highly desired. Many sons = wealth. Daughters = dowry (gifts given to the husband.... expensive..many cows, etc...) = parents loose wealth.
Side Note: A few years back there were a number of bride burning occurances in India. A man would marry a bride, get a big Dowry, maybe a few cows, some clothes, etc... and then a little while later, she'd catch fire & burn up while cooking. It seems like some guys just had a lot of bad luck because their wives kept catching fire, so they'd have to get married again & get a few more cows, etc... Does the name Scott Peterson sound familiar?
Life is a story of joy & sorrow.
In many cultures, and I imagine that the woman who lost her sons is part of one of these cultures, sons are their form of social security. If so, it is good logical reasoning she is stating because the lost is greater than just her family members, their death is hers also...She must now face an uncertain future.
this is a generalization, I do not know her culture.
Until just recently it was common to want to have many sons, this was common most everywhere for a few simply reasons.
1. Most kids use to die early, until this century in America and in many countries the mortality rate is still high.
2. Females go away and become members of their husbands family. They often do not have the same ties as before. They serve their husbands family.
3. Those males that do grow up, some will be broke, some will be stingy, some will die, some will be bad, maybe one will be helpful to their elderly parents.
Because of this traditional economic system women that could bare children were and are highly desired. Many sons = wealth. Daughters = dowry (gifts given to the husband.... expensive..many cows, etc...) = parents loose wealth.
Side Note: A few years back there were a number of bride burning occurances in India. A man would marry a bride, get a big Dowry, maybe a few cows, some clothes, etc... and then a little while later, she'd catch fire & burn up while cooking. It seems like some guys just had a lot of bad luck because their wives kept catching fire, so they'd have to get married again & get a few more cows, etc... Does the name Scott Peterson sound familiar?
Life is a story of joy & sorrow.
scharky
Veteran
Re: Kicking someone when they are down
It is true, I should not judge people like that, however it is hard to understand how ones culture can sculpt a person into those types of emotions. I know it even happens here in the states, in my little town of Ellensburg WA where during the summer when the students are all gone the population decreases by 60%. What I am trying to get at is, even though ones culture poses worth to something doesn't mean that it is correct. I lived in Guatemalla for a few years, and lived in some pretty poverty stricken towns. Some of the things that I saw going on there, cultural or not, were just plain moraly wrong. I don't care what religon you are, what race you are, where you grew up, or how much money you have, but discimination is just plain wrong. I'm not saying it doesn't happen in the States either. This was proven by a statement earlier in this thread. It happens everywhere and it IS culture driven. So what is one to do? Well, I know that political views aren't really permitted here, and rightfully so. Sorry for the rant. Some of this stuff just gets to me. But yes, I was wrong for judging someone for something that was said, most likly a moment of very strong feelings and then printed for the world to see. Boy am I glad that everything that I say isn't printed for all to see. Wait a minute. . .
It is true, I should not judge people like that, however it is hard to understand how ones culture can sculpt a person into those types of emotions. I know it even happens here in the states, in my little town of Ellensburg WA where during the summer when the students are all gone the population decreases by 60%. What I am trying to get at is, even though ones culture poses worth to something doesn't mean that it is correct. I lived in Guatemalla for a few years, and lived in some pretty poverty stricken towns. Some of the things that I saw going on there, cultural or not, were just plain moraly wrong. I don't care what religon you are, what race you are, where you grew up, or how much money you have, but discimination is just plain wrong. I'm not saying it doesn't happen in the States either. This was proven by a statement earlier in this thread. It happens everywhere and it IS culture driven. So what is one to do? Well, I know that political views aren't really permitted here, and rightfully so. Sorry for the rant. Some of this stuff just gets to me. But yes, I was wrong for judging someone for something that was said, most likly a moment of very strong feelings and then printed for the world to see. Boy am I glad that everything that I say isn't printed for all to see. Wait a minute. . .
Jim Brennan
VHS Member Old Skool
Re: Kicking someone when they are down
It is difficult to wrap your mind around different cultures at times. But remember, the emotions expressed by the father/husband are not solely derived from culture. Asking those kinds of questions is a part of a natural bereavement process. It is quite possible, (even likely) that he asked the same question of himself. Survivors of such a traumatic occurence often feel guilt at their own survival, and anger towards both other survivors and those who died. It is natural to question why some lived and some did not.
It is difficult to wrap your mind around different cultures at times. But remember, the emotions expressed by the father/husband are not solely derived from culture. Asking those kinds of questions is a part of a natural bereavement process. It is quite possible, (even likely) that he asked the same question of himself. Survivors of such a traumatic occurence often feel guilt at their own survival, and anger towards both other survivors and those who died. It is natural to question why some lived and some did not.