I need some help choosing between a screenplay plot...

Kid_Filmmaker

Kid_Filmmaker

Active member
I'm having a tough time deciding between which two screenplay plots I should write on and I thought I'd come here and see if you all could give me some help in choosing. The first screenplay plot I have in mind is this:

Screenplay Plot Number #1 - Michael is a young, male psychiatrist who was the childhood victim of severe physical and sexual abuse by his crazed, racist, convicted felon uncle, Keeley. Michael counsels a young, American Indian girl named Ivy who - unbeknown to Michael, was also kidnapped, raped and tortured by Keeley - after Keeley murders her father on their reservation. During counseling Ivy, Michael finds he must go through great lengths to save Ivy from further impending danger by Keeley.

I had the title for that of "Saving Ivy" or I thought of saving the girl's name to Jewell and making it "Saving Jewell".


The second screenplay plot:

Screenplay Plot Number #2 - Michael Roberts, a widowed and grieving father of a fifteen year old daughter, ten year old son and three year old daughter is homeless with his children, in a world where jobs and help from social services and agencies are literally nonexistent. Michael thinks his luck can't get any worse with his daughter resenting him for not doing enough to get them out of their troubles. Then, one day when Michael's kids are kidnapped, Michael is devastated and panicked - however, he is then offered a lucrative deal by a secret, government, criminal organization - if he murders a mother and her daughter in the way the organization so desires, he will not only get his kids back but twenty-seven (tax free) million dollars. If Michael fails to murder the mother and daughter, not only does he not get the money but his kids will be murdered by the organization.

Michael is left with a decision - does he choose his children and the money - or a mother and a daughter's life?


Now, I like plot number two best because it closely resembles what myself and my family just endured with being homeless and such (we're a lot better now though, yay! lol) Anyway, I want plot number two to be like an action type of film - along the lines of action films like The Punisher, Hitman, Kill Bill Vol. 2 (as far as with the violence is concerned), and Crank - you know, I want that gun shooting, butt kicking type action film, mixed with a little romance and drama as well; And I think plot number two could turn a great profit - at the box office and everywhere else and I plan on ending it on a cliffhanger, which means if part one does well, I could make a sequel, so I really like plot number two, although I haven't thought of a real serious title yet. Then plot number one, I like that too because it's a serious film that like pulls at the heart strings and could possibly get the attention at big film festivals and much more - BUT, I don't want to do something bland and normal and as just slow paced as that, to be honest, I want to do a kick ass action film. My heart is truly with number two....


But I want to ask, which do you think is the better screenplay plot? Which do you think would fare well when crowdfunding on Kickstarter or Indiegogo? Which do you think would fare well at film festivals amongst the crowd of filmgoers? More so, which would turn a better and/or bigger profit at the box office?
 
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It's just my opinion, but nº2 will be great if you paint the social issues right: what is like to be poor, what is like to be used by "the man", there is more people falling into poverty?, etc. Like the Carpenter flick
 
Roberto Suarez said:
It's just my opinion, but nº2 will be great if you paint the social issues right: what is like to be poor, what is like to be used by "the man", there is more people falling into poverty?, etc. Like the Carpenter flick
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Thanks for responding, but now when you say, add in what it's like to be poor, do you mean by physical examples that occur to the father and his children? And also - "used by the man", what does that mean? What man? And which Carpenter flick are you referring to? The only one I know of is Halloween, lol. It's the only one I've seen,
 
Write both. Unlike film production screenwriting costs nothing but time and mental energy. If you intend to make these films yourself then plot 1 will be more affordable to do well - fewer actors, locations and risks.
 
Egg Born Son said:
Write both. Unlike film production screenwriting costs nothing but time and mental energy. If you intend to make these films yourself then plot 1 will be more affordable to do well - fewer actors, locations and risks.
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Well yes, I definitely intend to make the film myself but NO! I DON'T LIKE PLOT ONE THAT MUCH! LOL but, if I had to do plot one, I would want to make sure that it's one that would be successful with moviegoers. I mean, would it be the type of movie that would be raved about by movie critics and that would do well at the box office, is it a film plot that could be potentially very successful? Because I see, movie plot 2 as being one that would be successful and a blockbuster hit....but I don't know....Also if I write both, it's not like I can make both films, I can only make one and I'm trying to make a decision between the two...
 
Do you have a blockbuster budget? Blockbuster action films have less to do with the plot and more to do with the money thrown at them. Both in production and promotion. A recognisable, bankable charismatic lead, infinite gun clips, destructive car chases and big explosions. You can't compete in that market if you want to do well 'at the box office'. If you want to make an action genre homage for your own gratitification then go for it. You might have more success with something dumb but fun along the lines of Sharknado but you can't really get that kind of so-bad-its-good success on purpose. No film that set out to be a cult film ever really did. The audience instantly spots that disingenuous approach.

Plot one could turn out pretty badly but what it has going for it is that if the script is half decent, with good characterisation then there is some real meat in there to get potential actors excited. There will be some major dramatic moments that will be awesome in their reel so you may well be able to attract better actors than you will for plot 2. Actors attracted to an action role at a low budget level will likely be more interested in playing the action hero fantasy than exploring their acting chops. They had better be naturally charismatic, physically capable and convincingly badass.
 
Egg Born Son said:
Do you have a blockbuster budget? Blockbuster action films have less to do with the plot and more to do with the money thrown at them. Both in production and promotion. A recognisable, bankable charismatic lead, infinite gun clips, destructive car chases and big explosions. You can't compete in that market if you want to do well 'at the box office'. If you want to make an action genre homage for your own gratitification then go for it. You might have more success with something dumb but fun along the lines of Sharknado but you can't really get that kind of so-bad-its-good success on purpose. No film that set out to be a cult film ever really did. The audience instantly spots that disingenuous approach.

Plot one could turn out pretty badly but what it has going for it is that if the script is half decent, with good characterisation then there is some real meat in there to get potential actors excited. There will be some major dramatic moments that will be awesome in their reel so you may well be able to attract better actors than you will for plot 2. Actors attracted to an action role at a low budget level will likely be more interested in playing the action hero fantasy than exploring their acting chops. They had better be naturally charismatic, physically capable and convincingly badass.
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So in other words....I should go with plot number one because actors I plan to attach would more likely go for that, then the second one because it would give them the chance to explore their acting more? I'm just trying to make sure I have it right...
 
Kid_Filmmaker said:
Well yes, I definitely intend to make the film myself but NO! I DON'T LIKE PLOT ONE THAT MUCH! LOL
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Then forget Plot 1. Why did you even bring it up? If YOU don't like it, you're not likely to make a movie that anyone ELSE is going to like. Don't waste your time, energy and resources -- not to mention those of other people -- on something you're not even remotely passionate about.
 
Kid_Filmmaker said:
So in other words....I should go with plot number one because actors I plan to attach would more likely go for that, then the second one because it would give them the chance to explore their acting more? I'm just trying to make sure I have it right...
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It depends entirely on what you are trying to get out of this, how serious you are about it and the resources you have available. But essentially yes. However, let me balance that by saying that if this is your first film, especially if you are young, I would forget about all that and just make something that is fun with the people you have around you that are interested. Make a shorter film, enjoy the process, treat it as a learning experience and don't worry about film festivals and other end goals. Just make something that you and everyone you want to involve will enjoy and get something out of and worry about success later after a couple more films.
 
Egg Born Son said:
It depends entirely on what you are trying to get out of this, how serious you are about it and the resources you have available. But essentially yes. However, let me balance that by saying that if this is your first film, especially if you are young, I would forget about all that and just make something that is fun with the people you have around you that are interested. Make a shorter film, enjoy the process, treat it as a learning experience and don't worry about film festivals and other end goals. Just make something that you and everyone you want to involve will enjoy and get something out of and worry about success later after a couple more films.
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Well this is not my first time making films, I have done a few short films and have written, produced and directed several local stage plays.....however I want to make a film that will be good enough for the actors I have in mind for getting to be interested in it and want to do it. I wanted to do a horror film, but from what I have been seeing horror films have been bombing at the box office, which sucks because I had a really unique idea, so then I thought of the idea of making a story that I know about - homelessness, a homeless father with his two kids and I thought of making the story with a twist, the first story I thought up years ago for making, but I just find that one honestly to be boring and I thought it may be a real downer and snoozer in the eyes of viewers - BUT that could just be my opinion, I could do the film and it turns out to be a smash hit. But all in all, I just want to make a film that will be successful from financing all the way through to distribution...That is my goal. I want to do a film that will be successful...
 
Sorry for my late response. Also english is not my main language, so maybe i'm writing something wrong. The Carpenter flick was "They Live", about a very strong homeless man, who discover in a church, where the oposition groups reunite, a box of glasses. With the glasses, the protagonist can view the "real" reality: all advertising are mind control devices and half the upper class was extraterrestial, pushing the middle class into poverty as a way to conquer the planet.
About being poor I mean the feeling of being fragile and disposable (that is the name for homeless people in Colombia), with physical examples: being hungry sorrounded of whealty people eating, being cold next to big houses, etc.
"The Man" I think was an hippie expression to name the social class who make an deliver the rules of society. According to some philosophers, the ruling class makes the rules to keep inself into the privilegie position. So, the carácter used by "the man" is deceived an exploited.
I know this sound a lot like politics, and this forum si not for that themes, but in my opinión your second script can be really interesting with this themes
 
Kid_Filmmaker said:
Well this is not my first time making films, I have done a few short films and have written, produced and directed several local stage plays.....however I want to make a film that will be good enough for the actors I have in mind for getting to be interested in it and want to do it. I wanted to do a horror film, but from what I have been seeing horror films have been bombing at the box office, which sucks because I had a really unique idea, so then I thought of the idea of making a story that I know about - homelessness, a homeless father with his two kids and I thought of making the story with a twist, the first story I thought up years ago for making, but I just find that one honestly to be boring and I thought it may be a real downer and snoozer in the eyes of viewers - BUT that could just be my opinion, I could do the film and it turns out to be a smash hit. But all in all, I just want to make a film that will be successful from financing all the way through to distribution...That is my goal. I want to do a film that will be successful...
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Fair enough. But it still comes down to budget. You can't target the youth democratic without it. Your best bet would be to write something that speaks to your own age bracket (or slightly younger if you are still in touch with their world) in a real way, that is edgy in a way that makes their parents uncomfortable and doesn't talk down to them or moralise. That might break through. As far as monetising something in a demographic that downloads everything and only goes to the cinema for spectacle, can't help you there. Besides pretty much everything bombs at the box office, always has but now more than ever. Many critically acclaimed films never make their money back. To get the festival dollar you need to write towards that market which means understanding it.

In all honesty neither of your initial pitches particularly excited me. They both sounded a little contrived. Your third pitch there focussing on the homelessness intrigues me a lot more. There is great potential to write something real there. If you are worried the audience will find it a downer or a snoozer that isn't so much of a problem. You just have to find your audience and the festival circuit will probably be it. If you find it to be a downer or a snoozer then don't even bother. You can't make a good job of something that doesn't interest you. But if you are passionate about the idea then it will come through in a way I'm just not feeling from your other two pitches.

My suggestion would be to go back to your homeless story. Make it real. Avoid disappearing off into action fantasy land. For dramatic tension walk the line of redemption/catharsis and failure of character. Show not only how an uncaring society has failed him but force him to confront his own part in his downfall. Make it the best film you can. Don't expect to compete with hollywood on its own terms. You can't. Make something real, something that you can truly be proud of, that has meaning and substance. Worst case scenario you have a film you put your heart into. Best case the honesty will strike a chord with the audience.

However, if this doesn't excite you then do your action film, aim high by all means but don't be surprised to fall short. Maybe go back to the drawing board, look at the actors and locations you have access to and write a convincing story that utilises those things. You still haven't said what your budget is and you are writing your own script so I am assuming it is little to non-existent here. If you can get money and genuinely want to succeed the best way to start would be to buy a script. If it was easy to write a successful movie the professional writers would sell every script they wrote. Much easier to read scripts from dozens of writers, each passionate about their story and choose a good one that inspires you. Step two would be to hire a producer. Success working by yourself isn't impossible but is more of a goal more than a destination. Better to focus on making good movies. A good film will will open up future opportunities.
 
Egg Born Son said:
Fair enough. But it still comes down to budget. You can't target the youth democratic without it. Your best bet would be to write something that speaks to your own age bracket (or slightly younger if you are still in touch with their world) in a real way, that is edgy in a way that makes their parents uncomfortable and doesn't talk down to them or moralise. That might break through. As far as monetising something in a demographic that downloads everything and only goes to the cinema for spectacle, can't help you there. Besides pretty much everything bombs at the box office, always has but now more than ever. Many critically acclaimed films never make their money back. To get the festival dollar you need to write towards that market which means understanding it.

In all honesty neither of your initial pitches particularly excited me. They both sounded a little contrived. Your third pitch there focussing on the homelessness intrigues me a lot more. There is great potential to write something real there. If you are worried the audience will find it a downer or a snoozer that isn't so much of a problem. You just have to find your audience and the festival circuit will probably be it. If you find it to be a downer or a snoozer then don't even bother. You can't make a good job of something that doesn't interest you. But if you are passionate about the idea then it will come through in a way I'm just not feeling from your other two pitches.

My suggestion would be to go back to your homeless story. Make it real. Avoid disappearing off into action fantasy land. For dramatic tension walk the line of redemption/catharsis and failure of character. Show not only how an uncaring society has failed him but force him to confront his own part in his downfall. Make it the best film you can. Don't expect to compete with hollywood on its own terms. You can't. Make something real, something that you can truly be proud of, that has meaning and substance. Worst case scenario you have a film you put your heart into. Best case the honesty will strike a chord with the audience.

However, if this doesn't excite you then do your action film, aim high by all means but don't be surprised to fall short. Maybe go back to the drawing board, look at the actors and locations you have access to and write a convincing story that utilises those things. You still haven't said what your budget is and you are writing your own script so I am assuming it is little to non-existent here. If you can get money and genuinely want to succeed the best way to start would be to buy a script. If it was easy to write a successful movie the professional writers would sell every script they wrote. Much easier to read scripts from dozens of writers, each passionate about their story and choose a good one that inspires you. Step two would be to hire a producer. Success working by yourself isn't impossible but is more of a goal more than a destination. Better to focus on making good movies. A good film will will open up future opportunities.
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Well to be honest, I did have this third pitch revolving around my homeless story. It's kind of a re-twist/re-make of the story of Job, where a married man - let's call him Michael (I like the name Michael, lol) who is a devout, righteous christian and who's expecting a little girl with his wife and who already has an nine year old son and a seven year old daughter, loses his wife, their unborn daughter and their nine year old son in a plane crash. In the midst of Michael's grief, Michael's life gets worst when he suddenly loses his job, his home and becomes poor. Despite going through all this, Michael stays strong to his faith in God, never getting angry at God or questioning him. As Michael turns to his christian family members of the church he attends, they turn their backs on him. Lastly as Michael turns to prayer and fasting - seeking and pleading for God's help and for answers from God, he gets no answer from God at all. As the homelessness grows even worst for himself and his daughter, Michael's brother - who is also a devout christian, feels Michael is unfit to take care of his daughter with Michael being homeless and Michael's brother calls the child protection agency and gets Michael's daughter removed from Michael's care, further devastating Michael emotionally and mentally and sending him further into deep depression until eventually he becomes tired of holding on to his faith and God and he becomes angry at God, he delves into drugs in the midst of his grief and depression and as he becomes suicidal, just as he's about to take his life, he meets another man who befriends him, takes him in and helps him get himself together so he can get his daughter back, in the midst of doing all that, Michael learns the real truth about God and religion,..

I like the premise of that story because it explains how I feel right now myself towards God, angry, hurt and upset by him, not really sure if he cares or exists because of what my family and I are going through (but my story is another story, lol) and the second reason I like this story is because it's a unique twist on the story of Job, I think. It's kind of like - what would have happened if Job gave up his strong faith and waiting on God in the midst of his troubles and seeked out the truth about God and religion? I don't know, it's just a story premise I thought of. To me, it's real and it avoids the action, fantasy stuff. And I would write it to show his failures as well as how an uncaring society has failed him throughout the story, like I said, it's just a thought....
 
Now I'm seeing some passion. If you need someone to tell you what to do in order to get off the fence I'm telling you to make this one. With the other pitches you were fishing blindly for something outside of yourself. This one is inside bursting to get out. The religious angle will be a double edged sword depending on how you play it. I only say this for you to be aware. I still recommend you commit and go for it because I can tell you want to do this and it sounds like you have a personal connection to understand the film you want to make. You connect with this story. Of the three this is hands down your best chance of ringing true.
 
Egg Born Son said:
Now I'm seeing some passion. If you need someone to tell you what to do in order to get off the fence I'm telling you to make this one. With the other pitches you were fishing blindly for something outside of yourself. This one is inside bursting to get out. The religious angle will be a double edged sword depending on how you play it. I only say this for you to be aware. I still recommend you commit and go for it because I can tell you want to do this and it sounds like you have a personal connection to understand the film you want to make. You connect with this story. Of the three this is hands down your best chance of ringing true.
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Well great, it feels great to know I've found one that shows passion and that is - GREAT. I shall start writing on this tomorrow, hooray! lol

One question though, so the other plot ideas that I have mentioned in my first post, do you suggest I just scrap them all together and not write them period in the future because they just suck? Or just wait until I have better financial means to do films with plots such as the ones I've mentioned? Because I still would like to do both of the plots I mentioned in my first post, (especially since plot number one is based on a true story my Lakota grandfather once told me of), but just later on in the future.
 
You never have to throw anything away. Anything that is good mutates and comes back. They might suck now, or not. The ideas were less important than your connection to them. A dumb idea can be great through the right lens and vice versa. The fact plot 1 is from a story from your grandfather would explain why that one was working better as a pitch than your action film, you were closer to it. Maybe that one will be ready for you in the future. Maybe you will have another idea and realise it intersects with it. Bottom line, don't stress. You were looking for a push and got it. You have momentum and confidence now in the idea you are working on. Focus on making that the best movie you can make. Good luck with it.
 
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