I hate hard decisions.

Doc Bernard

Doc Bernard

Indie Arms Member
My video business is just starting to get successful, and today I get the call to go and take my final test (drug screen) for entry into the US Border and Customs Department as an agent (trainee). I have been in this process for about 6-7 months now, and I had given up hope on the job, turning my focus onto my business.

So I now (or soon) have to make a decision on what to do. The quandary is: do I take the job with the Feds, with a great retirement and benefits, or do I keep creating art with no guaranteed future other than what I make of it?

What to do, what to do?:(
 
I appreciate your dedication to applying for work for the BP. It is thankless but important work.

I know this doesn't make your decision any easier but good luck.
 
Let's see... in the video biz, you have a 1:1,000 chance of getting shot, and as a Fed it is 50/50. Hmmm... Benefits are only good if you live long enough to use them.
 
You are guaranteed money and benefits with the federal government. Lets just put it that way.

Though I must say - I've never been a fan of customs agents. The only thing that I dislike more is the TSA. Always end up having a hard time reentering the US for some reason when I travel. But I always get checked in airports too. Travel and me don't work well together I guess.
 
Doc Bernard said:
The quandary is: do I take the job with the Feds, with a great retirement and benefits, or do I keep creating art with no guaranteed future other than what I make of it?

What to do, what to do?:(
Click to expand...

NOTHING is guaranteed. Do what you love and you'll sleep better. Picking a job for security is like picking a hammer for hunting. It might work, but that's not what it was designed for.
 
If the benefits are such that you could retire early, then maybe it's worth the duty in order to be better set for the second phase of an interrupted creative career, down the road.

But I figure that you probably chose law enforcement for reasons beyond the benefits package, when you started the application process.

edit

And yes, pursue whichever is actually your calling. If the Border Patrol isn't either what you really want to do, or a means toward the end of doing what you really want to do later, then the benefits don't seem that important.
 
Dude, are you kidding? Take the gig? Think of all the locations you'll have access to. You can do a doc on the boarder patrol or do a boarder patrol movie and say "starring (insert name here) a real boarder patrol officer." Build up some cash, take a leave of absence for a few weeks then shoot the film. "Boarder Patrol: The First Defense". The title's a gift by the way. Jump on the gig dude. Everyone likes to do their art. It's harder to do when there's no money. But then again you have to decide. If you have a family I'd say take the gig to get them on your insurance, otherwise do what you love. But I'd take the gig. (Then again the job would help me get in shape, learn combat tactics and further my "action hero" status. LOL).

-Nate
 
I have seen many, many people get sidetracked and then enveloped by jobs that turn into careers that turn into captivity. By the time they are done (or, more accurately, the job is done with them), there's not much left. I have known some exceptions to that as well. A buddy of mine used his time on the NYPD to go to law school. He retired, and now he does what he really loves: Teaching and practicing environmental law. But those people are the exception.

If you are considering the Border Patrol because you have a passion for that, go for it. If you are doing it because you think it's a secure way to pay the rent, just remember that it is an honorable way to make a living. But making a life is a lot more important.
 
Wow, great advice from all!

"Boarder Patrol: The First Defense" Nice title! I think I might take you up on that offer! I have so much to consider. There is a part of me that wants to expand on my video company, and explore all aspects of it. I love the creative. But there is the practical/public service side of me that is so wanting this job. It's a left brain vs. right brain dilemma.

Like I said, it's a hard decision.

LOL! I am NOT going to be a TSA guy! "Please take off your shoes. Good Lord, man, wash your feet every now and then!" I don't think I would have that job very long!
 
I think the most difficult thing of all would be to get the rights to make a border patrol doc.

The Feds probably don't want more attention then they desire.


I've always thought, do what you love. Unless you suck at it. lol.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.
 
Doc,

I was in a very similar situation 25 years ago. This was pre-digital, so the situation is not exactly the same. I had a wife and small child. I had to make a choice.

I became a prison guard. Good pay, great benefits. My family was happy and well provided for...I wasn't unhappy....but, having the imagination of a storyteller wasn't useful in a prison setting. I was bored.

Not to bore you with the details and to make a long story shorter, I moved into police work as a Detective, then as a Fugitive Hunter for the state, then the Feds. I recently retired. I can go back to my first love. I shoot film instead of guns.

The down side:

I'm 49 years old and a filmmaking noob. I'm not taken seriously and young filmmakers sometimes don't want an old guy around.

Job injuries eventually forced my retirement. I have no feeling in half of my left hand. I lost all of my hearing in my right ear for over a year. Most of the hearing has been restored. This was from bullet fragments. My right heel was crushed and the splinters entered my ankle. Pain and discomfort, on and off. I walk with a very slight limp.

I worked UC for a while. My wife almost left me over that. My children, now adults, tell me they would be in a constant state of worry.

I often worked without sleep, outside of naps. Surveillance jobs seemed like working in slow motion. Mind numbing. Ever see Insomnia with Al Pacino? I know that feeling so well.
Not much glamor in the real job. 90% research, 10% high excitement.

No margin for error. You can die. You can get sued. You can get bad press. The bad guy can get away and hurt more innocent people. You can lose your career.

Most of the people you know on this planet are murderers, rapists and thieves. Still want the red pill?

Now, the up side:

I had a blast. I worked with the coolest people and the coolest equipment. I could go anywhere to hunt fugitives and I saw amazing things. I worked with teams from the US Marshalls, ATF, NSA, Secret Service, FBI and, yes, the Border Patrol. Some of my favorite folks. Overall, the job was interesting and exciting at times.

I saved a kidnapped child.

I didn't kill anyone.

I had awesome tricked out vehicles.

I solved four cold cases in one year. One was a case in St. Paul, MN. The home of a family of five children was fire-bombed by a local gang. They thought a snitch lived there. They were wrong. The 5 little kids died in the fire.

2 years later, I took on the case and worked it for a year and a half, day and night. Mostly intel and wiretaps, but I got enough evidence to put the 4 top guys away for life and 17 others in prison for various stints of time. In federal court, the gang had 21 lawyers. All grilled me for a day. I got off lucky. They only made me look stupid, but not criminal. And we won on my evidence.

I got a medal from the city of St. Paul for that case. My Dad got to see all this just before he died. He was proud.

I caught a child molester about to attack a small boy in the woods. I got the proper search warrants for his home and searched for 4 hours. In a secret compartment, in the wall, he had detailed plans and photos of children on list. Detailed information. Future victims.

Then, I saw my daughter's name on the list. Lila. I almost went blind with rage. I was crying, I was so furious. The deputies with me had to restrain me from going back down to the jail where I'd just booked the scum a few hours earlier.

The he was released by a judge pending a court appearance. The judge explained that he hadn't physically hurt the child before I caught him and he couldn't be held for collecting information on children. Even though he had a prior for a sexual assault on a mentally challenged 15 year old girl. He was 28 at the time. He wouldn't check in with his supervising agent when he got out of jail and was placed on the fugitive list. That was why I was after him in the first place. He was allowed to go to his mother's house.

He smiled at me on the way out of the courtroom.

Finally, I found a federal attorney willing to prosecute him as predator. He is now locked up in a treatment facility with no release planned. I'm kept informed. My family learned about this after he was put away. His connection with me and my daughter was not related to my work. She was in some local newspapers for academic achievement.

Mr. Motz is rotting in a hell hole. The kids all grew up safe and sound. I checked occasionally. Sometimes I get a call. That feels good.

I have great and terrible memories, but i was able to make a difference. My life has meaning that I can live with. I am happy.

I chased a fugitive in Hollywood on Halloween Night in 1999. That, in itself is a long, but funny story. The fugitive went by the alias Nick Valentine. I'm not making that up. A homeless guy at the end of an alley looks up at me a says "Evening, Detective". I asked how he spotted me. I was very careful about blending in, so I wanted to know. He says, "you hold your right arm just a little wide, so you don't bump your gun....and the cheap haircut."

Hollywood. Once was enough.

My wife never left me. My kids still talk to me. Members like Captain Quirk know some of my balancing act struggles at home. It was tough at times, but I have no regrets. Things are good now. I have a granddaughter. She completes me.

If you choose to work Border Patrol for your family, there is honor in that choice. Jim said it best...do what you love. At the time, my love was for financial security at home. You may be able to accomplish this in filmmaking. Video changed everything.

What I know for sure is this: Filmmakers must not give in to boredom. It will kill your brain and your soul. If you plan to take the BP job, then use it to move into something challenging. Something creative. Nobody wanted to be a fugitive hunter back then, so I requested the assignment and made a great career out of it.

If you choose to be a filmmaker, work like you life depends on it. Its a small business at the very least. Push it to the limit. Do it for yourself, do it for your family, and do it to make a difference. Believe what you are doing is important and it will be. You will find a way.

Just don't accept boredom as a full time job. Ever.

Sorry I rambled. I've never talked about this stuff before and certainly not in a public venue, but i know what you are going through. I needed to show some support. Whatever you decide, Good luck and stay safe.

David (metro 2307 is my old UC call in ID)
 
My philosophy is this: when you have two pastries to choose from, one that is healthy that you know will be good for you in the long run and one that is suspicious but may have a custard treat concealed inside, you simply devour both.

Now to apply that: work for the feds and make films in your spare time.

PS: I refused to read the above responses so don't fault me if this has been discussed. I kind of just really wanted to get the pastry analogy out there. :) Best of luck!
 
metro2307 said:
Doc,

I was in a very similar situation 25 years ago. This was pre-digital, so the situation is not exactly the same. I had a wife and small child. I had to make a choice.

I became a prison guard. Good pay, great benefits. My family was happy and well provided for...I wasn't unhappy....but, having the imagination of a storyteller wasn't useful in a prison setting. I was bored.

Not to bore you with the details and to make a long story shorter, I moved into police work as a Detective, then as a Fugitive Hunter for the state, then the Feds. I recently retired. I can go back to my first love. I shoot film instead of guns.

The down side:

I'm 49 years old and a filmmaking noob. I'm not taken seriously and young filmmakers sometimes don't want an old guy around.

Job injuries eventually forced my retirement. I have no feeling in half of my left hand. I lost all of my hearing in my right ear for over a year. Most of the hearing has been restored. This was from bullet fragments. My right heel was crushed and the splinters entered my ankle. Pain and discomfort, on and off. I walk with a very slight limp.

I worked UC for a while. My wife almost left me over that. My children, now adults, tell me they would be in a constant state of worry.

I often worked without sleep, outside of naps. Surveillance jobs seemed like working in slow motion. Mind numbing. Ever see Insomnia with Al Pacino? I know that feeling so well.
Not much glamor in the real job. 90% research, 10% high excitement.

No margin for error. You can die. You can get sued. You can get bad press. The bad guy can get away and hurt more innocent people. You can lose your career.

Most of the people you know on this planet are murderers, rapists and thieves. Still want the red pill?

Now, the up side:

I had a blast. I worked with the coolest people and the coolest equipment. I could go anywhere to hunt fugitives and I saw amazing things. I worked with teams from the US Marshalls, ATF, NSA, Secret Service, FBI and, yes, the Border Patrol. Some of my favorite folks. Overall, the job was interesting and exciting at times.

I saved a kidnapped child.

I didn't kill anyone.

I had awesome tricked out vehicles.

I solved four cold cases in one year. One was a case in St. Paul, MN. The home of a family of five children was fire-bombed by a local gang. They thought a snitch lived there. They were wrong. The 5 little kids died in the fire.

2 years later, I took on the case and worked it for a year and a half, day and night. Mostly intel and wiretaps, but I got enough evidence to put the 4 top guys away for life and 17 others in prison for various stints of time. In federal court, the gang had 21 lawyers. All grilled me for a day. I got off lucky. They only made me look stupid, but not criminal. And we won on my evidence.

I got a medal from the city of St. Paul for that case. My Dad got to see all this just before he died. He was proud.

I caught a child molester about to attack a small boy in the woods. I got the proper search warrants for his home and searched for 4 hours. In a secret compartment, in the wall, he had detailed plans and photos of children on list. Detailed information. Future victims.

Then, I saw my daughter's name on the list. Lila. I almost went blind with rage. I was crying, I was so furious. The deputies with me had to restrain me from going back down to the jail where I'd just booked the scum a few hours earlier.

The he was released by a judge pending a court appearance. The judge explained that he hadn't physically hurt the child before I caught him and he couldn't be held for collecting information on children. Even though he had a prior for a sexual assault on a mentally challenged 15 year old girl. He was 28 at the time. He wouldn't check in with his supervising agent when he got out of jail and was placed on the fugitive list. That was why I was after him in the first place. He was allowed to go to his mother's house.

He smiled at me on the way out of the courtroom.

Finally, I found a federal attorney willing to prosecute him as predator. He is now locked up in a treatment facility with no release planned. I'm kept informed. My family learned about this after he was put away. His connection with me and my daughter was not related to my work. She was in some local newspapers for academic achievement.

Mr. Motz is rotting in a hell hole. The kids all grew up safe and sound. I checked occasionally. Sometimes I get a call. That feels good.

I have great and terrible memories, but i was able to make a difference. My life has meaning that I can live with. I am happy.

I chased a fugitive in Hollywood on Halloween Night in 1999. That, in itself is a long, but funny story. The fugitive went by the alias Nick Valentine. I'm not making that up. A homeless guy at the end of an alley looks up at me a says "Evening, Detective". I asked how he spotted me. I was very careful about blending in, so I wanted to know. He says, "you hold your right arm just a little wide, so you don't bump your gun....and the cheap haircut."

Hollywood. Once was enough.

My wife never left me. My kids still talk to me. Members like Captain Quirk know some of my balancing act struggles at home. It was tough at times, but I have no regrets. Things are good now. I have a granddaughter. She completes me.

If you choose to work Border Patrol for your family, there is honor in that choice. Jim said it best...do what you love. At the time, my love was for financial security at home. You may be able to accomplish this in filmmaking. Video changed everything.

What I know for sure is this: Filmmakers must not give in to boredom. It will kill your brain and your soul. If you plan to take the BP job, then use it to move into something challenging. Something creative. Nobody wanted to be a fugitive hunter back then, so I requested the assignment and made a great career out of it.

If you choose to be a filmmaker, work like you life depends on it. Its a small business at the very least. Push it to the limit. Do it for yourself, do it for your family, and do it to make a difference. Believe what you are doing is important and it will be. You will find a way.

Just don't accept boredom as a full time job. Ever.

Sorry I rambled. I've never talked about this stuff before and certainly not in a public venue, but i know what you are going through. I needed to show some support. Whatever you decide, Good luck and stay safe.

David (metro 2307 is my old UC call in ID)
Click to expand...

dude, what an awesome post
 
David,

That had to be one of the most inspirational posts I have read in a long time. In regards to making choices, it relates to me and helps me think things through a little better. I appreciate the time and effort you took to write that out.

Your work held much honor and I thank you for those lives that you have affected for the better.

I wish you the best in your future endeavors,

Kegan
 
metro2307 said:
Doc,

I was in a very similar situation 25 years ago. This was pre-digital, so the situation is not exactly the same. I had a wife and small child. I had to make a choice.

I became a prison guard. Good pay, great benefits. My family was happy and well provided for...I wasn't unhappy....but, having the imagination of a storyteller wasn't useful in a prison setting. I was bored.

Not to bore you with the details and to make a long story shorter, I moved into police work as a Detective, then as a Fugitive Hunter for the state, then the Feds. I recently retired. I can go back to my first love. I shoot film instead of guns.

The down side:

I'm 49 years old and a filmmaking noob. I'm not taken seriously and young filmmakers sometimes don't want an old guy around.

Job injuries eventually forced my retirement. I have no feeling in half of my left hand. I lost all of my hearing in my right ear for over a year. Most of the hearing has been restored. This was from bullet fragments. My right heel was crushed and the splinters entered my ankle. Pain and discomfort, on and off. I walk with a very slight limp.

I worked UC for a while. My wife almost left me over that. My children, now adults, tell me they would be in a constant state of worry.

I often worked without sleep, outside of naps. Surveillance jobs seemed like working in slow motion. Mind numbing. Ever see Insomnia with Al Pacino? I know that feeling so well.
Not much glamor in the real job. 90% research, 10% high excitement.

No margin for error. You can die. You can get sued. You can get bad press. The bad guy can get away and hurt more innocent people. You can lose your career.

Most of the people you know on this planet are murderers, rapists and thieves. Still want the red pill?

Now, the up side:

I had a blast. I worked with the coolest people and the coolest equipment. I could go anywhere to hunt fugitives and I saw amazing things. I worked with teams from the US Marshalls, ATF, NSA, Secret Service, FBI and, yes, the Border Patrol. Some of my favorite folks. Overall, the job was interesting and exciting at times.

I saved a kidnapped child.

I didn't kill anyone.

I had awesome tricked out vehicles.

I solved four cold cases in one year. One was a case in St. Paul, MN. The home of a family of five children was fire-bombed by a local gang. They thought a snitch lived there. They were wrong. The 5 little kids died in the fire.

2 years later, I took on the case and worked it for a year and a half, day and night. Mostly intel and wiretaps, but I got enough evidence to put the 4 top guys away for life and 17 others in prison for various stints of time. In federal court, the gang had 21 lawyers. All grilled me for a day. I got off lucky. They only made me look stupid, but not criminal. And we won on my evidence.

I got a medal from the city of St. Paul for that case. My Dad got to see all this just before he died. He was proud.

I caught a child molester about to attack a small boy in the woods. I got the proper search warrants for his home and searched for 4 hours. In a secret compartment, in the wall, he had detailed plans and photos of children on list. Detailed information. Future victims.

Then, I saw my daughter's name on the list. Lila. I almost went blind with rage. I was crying, I was so furious. The deputies with me had to restrain me from going back down to the jail where I'd just booked the scum a few hours earlier.

The he was released by a judge pending a court appearance. The judge explained that he hadn't physically hurt the child before I caught him and he couldn't be held for collecting information on children. Even though he had a prior for a sexual assault on a mentally challenged 15 year old girl. He was 28 at the time. He wouldn't check in with his supervising agent when he got out of jail and was placed on the fugitive list. That was why I was after him in the first place. He was allowed to go to his mother's house.

He smiled at me on the way out of the courtroom.

Finally, I found a federal attorney willing to prosecute him as predator. He is now locked up in a treatment facility with no release planned. I'm kept informed. My family learned about this after he was put away. His connection with me and my daughter was not related to my work. She was in some local newspapers for academic achievement.

Mr. Motz is rotting in a hell hole. The kids all grew up safe and sound. I checked occasionally. Sometimes I get a call. That feels good.

I have great and terrible memories, but i was able to make a difference. My life has meaning that I can live with. I am happy.

I chased a fugitive in Hollywood on Halloween Night in 1999. That, in itself is a long, but funny story. The fugitive went by the alias Nick Valentine. I'm not making that up. A homeless guy at the end of an alley looks up at me a says "Evening, Detective". I asked how he spotted me. I was very careful about blending in, so I wanted to know. He says, "you hold your right arm just a little wide, so you don't bump your gun....and the cheap haircut."

Hollywood. Once was enough.

My wife never left me. My kids still talk to me. Members like Captain Quirk know some of my balancing act struggles at home. It was tough at times, but I have no regrets. Things are good now. I have a granddaughter. She completes me.

If you choose to work Border Patrol for your family, there is honor in that choice. Jim said it best...do what you love. At the time, my love was for financial security at home. You may be able to accomplish this in filmmaking. Video changed everything.

What I know for sure is this: Filmmakers must not give in to boredom. It will kill your brain and your soul. If you plan to take the BP job, then use it to move into something challenging. Something creative. Nobody wanted to be a fugitive hunter back then, so I requested the assignment and made a great career out of it.

If you choose to be a filmmaker, work like you life depends on it. Its a small business at the very least. Push it to the limit. Do it for yourself, do it for your family, and do it to make a difference. Believe what you are doing is important and it will be. You will find a way.

Just don't accept boredom as a full time job. Ever.

Sorry I rambled. I've never talked about this stuff before and certainly not in a public venue, but i know what you are going through. I needed to show some support. Whatever you decide, Good luck and stay safe.

David (metro 2307 is my old UC call in ID)
Click to expand...

I'm so freaking glad people like you exist. Cold Case, CSI, and Miami Vice all rolled into one. You kick ass dude! One of my friend's son's is a US Marshal. Dude was on TV kicking drug dealing butt right here in Chi-town. It was a huge bust, a few million dollars I believe. I'm glad your family stayed together. I wish it was a more thankful job. If people only knew what the real good guys go through I'm sure it would rattle them. I just got through watching the Transporter 2 (again) but this post made me a really cheer a real action hero. (Whether you did any martial arts or not. :) ).

-Nate
 
Nate...Thanks. Sincerely! Defensive tactics changed over the years and i was never an expert. Kicking doors was my specialty, though. LOL.

Keep the Marshal in your prayers (I'm sure you do), they are picking up a lot of FBI work since 911. FBI had to focus more on terrorism, so the Marshal Service has a bigger work load than ever before.
 
Metro, you must have 8 million stories you could write about and turn in to films. I love the little thing about the right arm and your gun. Details like that is what makes a great film.
 
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