mobiledeli
Well-known member
So last night, me and some friends got together and wrote out a quick few pages of description for a movie we want to make this summer. This is what we have but my question is... well questions:
I hate the ending, how can I make it better? (it wasnt my idea, the ending)
do i need a motivation for the villian? i think i do but i cant think of one
how can i make it have more of an original spark?
well here's the description we wrote out (little long but i appreciate it)
basically four kids (ayla and her boyfriend harry, ayla's brother, and chelsea) in the woods horror.
NEED OPENING SCENE
Kids driving, schools over, going to be freshmen in college next year. What should we do to celebrate? Party! Opens backpack revealing beer/alcohol. Woah cool, lets find a spot. Pull into gas station.
Pull in, stop to gas up. See gas guy, he comes out. What you kids doing all the way out here? Looking for a place to party? Joking – yeah you know any place? Actually I do. Kids look up. Directs them to this abandoned house no one knows about. Great place to have a good time. Guy seems nice enough (not creepy yet). Cool thanks. See green truck.
Drive away, gas guy waves them off. What do you think, should we check it out? Why not, might as well. Okay, well he said turn left here… etc… get to gravel parking lotesque area.
Well… let’s check it out. Get out of car and enter woods. Walk around a bit, the guy carries the bag of beer. Get to house. All boarded up (POV shot from inside house). Well… that was a let down. Lets go. As they leave feet cross frame followed by a dead girl being dragged by a rope around her neck. They get back to the car.
Harry gets in and tries to start the car – not working. Ayla spots some blood on the ground and calls everyone over. Harry hits the car angrily and they go over and examine the blood. (Maybe don’t need this blood thing) Afterward, Harry says he’ll walk to the gas station. Ayla offers to go with but brother says no, she must stay with him. Why don’t we all go? Someone may drive by and they can jump us. Well no one wants to be alone, so Chelsea says she’ll go with Harry and Bro and Ayla can stay at car. It’s getting dark.
BEAUTY SHOTS OF SLOWING GETTING DUSKY
Ayla has hood open trying to fix car not working, annoyed. Joins brother in car. She sits in passenger seat. She is mad that he wouldn’t let her go with Harry because now Chelsea’s with him.
The other two arrive at gas station. They look around but no one’s there. Odd. Chelsea goes to look by garage, Harry goes by pumps.
Gas guy is sitting in truck. Sees the two walking around. Audience doesn’t “see” gas guy he’s dark. Turns lights on blinding Chelsea. Ominous… Gets out, walks toward Chelsea. She sees who it is. Oh thank God it – CROWBAR TO THE FACE! (For later scenes, use similar technique from Javier’s leg)
Harry looks around still, no one there. Sees gas man. Oh hey, my friend locked his keys in his car, can you help us? Yeah lets go. Wait let me get my friend.
Oh no it’s okay; she said she wanted to wait here. No, let me just tell her that I’m going. Trust me, she said she’d be more comfortable here. (Gas guy moves closer) Get away! He lunges at him but Harry moves out of the way, gas man turns around and stares.
Harry calls out for Chelsea! No response. Where is she!? Where did you take her! Gas guy lunges at Harry and knocks him to the ground. (Breaks glasses?)
BEAUTY SHOT - NIGHT
It’s now completely nighttime. The two by the car are getting antsy wondering what’s taking so long. Suddenly, they see the green truck pass them. Hey that was the truck from the gas station. Ayla gets out of the car for a better look.
The truck pulls into the lot but farther away and stops. From a far, Ayla can see the man get out and slam the door.
In the truck, Harry wakes up dazed – blood from forehead. He gets his bearings, and looks out the rear window and sees the gas guy opening the back hatch and pulling out a white sac which squirming (containing Chelsea). Harry realizes he’s chained to the door of the car. He starts to yell for help and Ayla hears this.
She tries to get brothers attention, but he is sleeping. Oh my god. Harry tries to open door, succeeds, but gas guy closes it on his leg. Ah! Ayla cringes. Whispers: Harry. Gas guy looks over toward Ayla. Oh my god quick. Ayla ducks and hides under car.
Gas guy leaves squirming Chelsea and unconscious Harry and goes over to car. He peers around and sees Brother (sitting in passengers seat – change from before). Ayla holds her face closed. Gas guy lowers crowbar so that Ayla can see it. Oh my god.
He opens door slowly. Brother slowly regains consciousness as BOOM! Gas guy wails on him. Ayla starts tearing. Bro yelling and shi* gets totally mutilated. Blood on windows, etc. Finally, he finishes. Brother dead in car. Ayla is in lots of emotional pain now – lets out a whimper.
Gas guy was about to walk away but slowly bends down to look under car. Chelsea starts yelling and attempts to stand, the gas guy hurries back over. Whew for Ayla.
He gets over and hits her in the head. Out like a light. He takes the bag and starts dragging it across the parking lot toward the path to the house. He looks at Harry, who at the moment is unconscious. Gas guy continues on. Ayla crawls out from under the car and looks in at her mutilated brother.
She runs over to the truck and sees Harry. She tries to wake him up and finally he comes to. They’re happy they’re alive but Harry is chained to car. After a few moments, Ayla hears rustling and footsteps coming closer. She says she’s gonna hide in the back of the cab.
She closes the car door and gets in the back under some stuff. The gas guy comes, sees Harry still unconscious, and throws the empty white sac (covered with Chelsea’s blood) on top of Ayla.
Cam stays on Ayla, silence, and then she gets dragged out of truck yelling. Gas guy hits her with crow bar.
She wakes up in the sac. She can only see through a small hole in the sac. She looks around, sees pretty much just floor. She wiggles around and sees Harry’s body. Not dead just unconscious. She tries to wake him and then notices that he has a large cut across his throat. She whines and gets out of the bag. Its pretty much pitch black except for a small beam of light emitting from a crack in the wall.
Ayla stands and finds her way to a light hanging from the ceiling, with a cord hanging off of it. She pulls it and the light turns on. Right in front of her is Chelsea hanging from the ceiling by her hands and feet. She is all cut up and obviously dead. Ayla screams but covers her mouth.
She sits for a moment and looks at the dead bodies. She hears a door open. Then hears footsteps coming down the stairs. She then looks up and sees a knife sitting on the table next to Chelsea. She reaches up, grabs it, and hides in the corner.
The gas guy walks down stairs and looks around. When his back is to Ayla – BOOM! She brings the knife down deep in his back.
He yells and Ayla takes the knife out and stabs him again. She runs out of the room with the knife. (Maybe have a little more in here).
She runs through the woods and literally can see the car when – SNAP! She steps right in a bear trap. It closes on her foot and she’s stuck. Slowly, the gas guy approaches. Ayla tries to stab him, but he simply moves out of the way. He goes off screen, and then starts to drag Ayla by the chain. She digs her hands into the ground but it is no use for he drags her back towards the house.
She sticks the knife into the ground and holds it there. This causes the gas guy to have trouble pulling her. He lets go of the chain to come over to her. Ayla starts to try and crawl away but he gets to her and pulls her up by her hair. She may finally be done, but no! She stabs the gas guy in the chest. Boom. He collapses to the floor on her trapped foot. She screams!
She pushes him off, gets the bear trap off (lots of struggle) and starts to limp away. She looks back and sees the gas guy standing too.
It is now almost dawn.
She runs to the car and it’s locked! She breaks the window with her elbow and sees the keys in the ignition. She gets in and prays it will start. It does! She smiles but then BOOM the gas man’s hands enter the car through the broken window but she drives away.
She smiles and thinks its over, but then sees lights turn on behind her! It’s the gas guy’s truck. She tries to out run him, but he stays right on her tail. She looks behind her and then a bright light (car lights) shine on her face and she looks shocked.
Black. She wakes up in the hospital. She looks around, bandages on her head and maybe a cast on her foot. detective comes in and starts asking questions. Ayla starts to answer as a male nurse comes in. She disregards him and answers the detective’s questions. Then she looks over at the nurse and realizes it’s the gas guy!
I hate the ending, how can I make it better? (it wasnt my idea, the ending)
do i need a motivation for the villian? i think i do but i cant think of one
how can i make it have more of an original spark?
well here's the description we wrote out (little long but i appreciate it)
basically four kids (ayla and her boyfriend harry, ayla's brother, and chelsea) in the woods horror.
NEED OPENING SCENE
Kids driving, schools over, going to be freshmen in college next year. What should we do to celebrate? Party! Opens backpack revealing beer/alcohol. Woah cool, lets find a spot. Pull into gas station.
Pull in, stop to gas up. See gas guy, he comes out. What you kids doing all the way out here? Looking for a place to party? Joking – yeah you know any place? Actually I do. Kids look up. Directs them to this abandoned house no one knows about. Great place to have a good time. Guy seems nice enough (not creepy yet). Cool thanks. See green truck.
Drive away, gas guy waves them off. What do you think, should we check it out? Why not, might as well. Okay, well he said turn left here… etc… get to gravel parking lotesque area.
Well… let’s check it out. Get out of car and enter woods. Walk around a bit, the guy carries the bag of beer. Get to house. All boarded up (POV shot from inside house). Well… that was a let down. Lets go. As they leave feet cross frame followed by a dead girl being dragged by a rope around her neck. They get back to the car.
Harry gets in and tries to start the car – not working. Ayla spots some blood on the ground and calls everyone over. Harry hits the car angrily and they go over and examine the blood. (Maybe don’t need this blood thing) Afterward, Harry says he’ll walk to the gas station. Ayla offers to go with but brother says no, she must stay with him. Why don’t we all go? Someone may drive by and they can jump us. Well no one wants to be alone, so Chelsea says she’ll go with Harry and Bro and Ayla can stay at car. It’s getting dark.
BEAUTY SHOTS OF SLOWING GETTING DUSKY
Ayla has hood open trying to fix car not working, annoyed. Joins brother in car. She sits in passenger seat. She is mad that he wouldn’t let her go with Harry because now Chelsea’s with him.
The other two arrive at gas station. They look around but no one’s there. Odd. Chelsea goes to look by garage, Harry goes by pumps.
Gas guy is sitting in truck. Sees the two walking around. Audience doesn’t “see” gas guy he’s dark. Turns lights on blinding Chelsea. Ominous… Gets out, walks toward Chelsea. She sees who it is. Oh thank God it – CROWBAR TO THE FACE! (For later scenes, use similar technique from Javier’s leg)
Harry looks around still, no one there. Sees gas man. Oh hey, my friend locked his keys in his car, can you help us? Yeah lets go. Wait let me get my friend.
Oh no it’s okay; she said she wanted to wait here. No, let me just tell her that I’m going. Trust me, she said she’d be more comfortable here. (Gas guy moves closer) Get away! He lunges at him but Harry moves out of the way, gas man turns around and stares.
Harry calls out for Chelsea! No response. Where is she!? Where did you take her! Gas guy lunges at Harry and knocks him to the ground. (Breaks glasses?)
BEAUTY SHOT - NIGHT
It’s now completely nighttime. The two by the car are getting antsy wondering what’s taking so long. Suddenly, they see the green truck pass them. Hey that was the truck from the gas station. Ayla gets out of the car for a better look.
The truck pulls into the lot but farther away and stops. From a far, Ayla can see the man get out and slam the door.
In the truck, Harry wakes up dazed – blood from forehead. He gets his bearings, and looks out the rear window and sees the gas guy opening the back hatch and pulling out a white sac which squirming (containing Chelsea). Harry realizes he’s chained to the door of the car. He starts to yell for help and Ayla hears this.
She tries to get brothers attention, but he is sleeping. Oh my god. Harry tries to open door, succeeds, but gas guy closes it on his leg. Ah! Ayla cringes. Whispers: Harry. Gas guy looks over toward Ayla. Oh my god quick. Ayla ducks and hides under car.
Gas guy leaves squirming Chelsea and unconscious Harry and goes over to car. He peers around and sees Brother (sitting in passengers seat – change from before). Ayla holds her face closed. Gas guy lowers crowbar so that Ayla can see it. Oh my god.
He opens door slowly. Brother slowly regains consciousness as BOOM! Gas guy wails on him. Ayla starts tearing. Bro yelling and shi* gets totally mutilated. Blood on windows, etc. Finally, he finishes. Brother dead in car. Ayla is in lots of emotional pain now – lets out a whimper.
Gas guy was about to walk away but slowly bends down to look under car. Chelsea starts yelling and attempts to stand, the gas guy hurries back over. Whew for Ayla.
He gets over and hits her in the head. Out like a light. He takes the bag and starts dragging it across the parking lot toward the path to the house. He looks at Harry, who at the moment is unconscious. Gas guy continues on. Ayla crawls out from under the car and looks in at her mutilated brother.
She runs over to the truck and sees Harry. She tries to wake him up and finally he comes to. They’re happy they’re alive but Harry is chained to car. After a few moments, Ayla hears rustling and footsteps coming closer. She says she’s gonna hide in the back of the cab.
She closes the car door and gets in the back under some stuff. The gas guy comes, sees Harry still unconscious, and throws the empty white sac (covered with Chelsea’s blood) on top of Ayla.
Cam stays on Ayla, silence, and then she gets dragged out of truck yelling. Gas guy hits her with crow bar.
She wakes up in the sac. She can only see through a small hole in the sac. She looks around, sees pretty much just floor. She wiggles around and sees Harry’s body. Not dead just unconscious. She tries to wake him and then notices that he has a large cut across his throat. She whines and gets out of the bag. Its pretty much pitch black except for a small beam of light emitting from a crack in the wall.
Ayla stands and finds her way to a light hanging from the ceiling, with a cord hanging off of it. She pulls it and the light turns on. Right in front of her is Chelsea hanging from the ceiling by her hands and feet. She is all cut up and obviously dead. Ayla screams but covers her mouth.
She sits for a moment and looks at the dead bodies. She hears a door open. Then hears footsteps coming down the stairs. She then looks up and sees a knife sitting on the table next to Chelsea. She reaches up, grabs it, and hides in the corner.
The gas guy walks down stairs and looks around. When his back is to Ayla – BOOM! She brings the knife down deep in his back.
He yells and Ayla takes the knife out and stabs him again. She runs out of the room with the knife. (Maybe have a little more in here).
She runs through the woods and literally can see the car when – SNAP! She steps right in a bear trap. It closes on her foot and she’s stuck. Slowly, the gas guy approaches. Ayla tries to stab him, but he simply moves out of the way. He goes off screen, and then starts to drag Ayla by the chain. She digs her hands into the ground but it is no use for he drags her back towards the house.
She sticks the knife into the ground and holds it there. This causes the gas guy to have trouble pulling her. He lets go of the chain to come over to her. Ayla starts to try and crawl away but he gets to her and pulls her up by her hair. She may finally be done, but no! She stabs the gas guy in the chest. Boom. He collapses to the floor on her trapped foot. She screams!
She pushes him off, gets the bear trap off (lots of struggle) and starts to limp away. She looks back and sees the gas guy standing too.
It is now almost dawn.
She runs to the car and it’s locked! She breaks the window with her elbow and sees the keys in the ignition. She gets in and prays it will start. It does! She smiles but then BOOM the gas man’s hands enter the car through the broken window but she drives away.
She smiles and thinks its over, but then sees lights turn on behind her! It’s the gas guy’s truck. She tries to out run him, but he stays right on her tail. She looks behind her and then a bright light (car lights) shine on her face and she looks shocked.
Black. She wakes up in the hospital. She looks around, bandages on her head and maybe a cast on her foot. detective comes in and starts asking questions. Ayla starts to answer as a male nurse comes in. She disregards him and answers the detective’s questions. Then she looks over at the nurse and realizes it’s the gas guy!
