How should I write this scenario?

You need to rethink this story. There appears to be no real reason for them to get off other than to be free to commit other crimes - with a criminal record and/or on-going trial added for validity or prestige. The justice system would need to be criminally inept or corrupt. Basically you have a couple guys that can act with impunity. It's not unheard of, but the justice system would need to be in shambles. Maybe in a post-apoco type story, or one that takes place in a country where this is more likely to happen, then the audience will buy into it.

I'm guessing this story takes place in the US? I mean, I do read stories in Newz of the Weird and such where some small-town is run by a band of crooks (Mayor, Supervisors, Law Enforcement) all connected and robbing the town blind, but it's just not all that probable. Possible, yes. Under the right circumstances. You would need to address jurisdiction first, set up why the system in this particular jurisdiction is inept - technicality or not - and would turn two dangerous punks out on the street.

Your guys are especially dangerous because of their - what I get anyways - complete disregard for human life and public safety, a concern courts do address. A guy caught with a few kilos of crack in the trunk, and a guy who drives a truck over crowded sidewalks to escape are likely to be considered different levels of threat to a community (not saying your guys do this, but it happens).

Time to rethink what your motivations are. It's okay to have the system fail in one regard or another - it often does, but you are making a mockery of it for the sake of story convenience.

a
 
Last edited:
True. Okay how about this. What if the whole action scene, was set inside the private property? If a cop comes into private property without probable cause to search, does that make him a 'tresspasser', legally speaking? Could the criminals then attempt to kill him and get away with legally, cause he is an intruder and not acting within his police rights, since he has no probable cause? I want their to be some sort of action sequence confrontation. That way it could be considered illegal entry, and they can legally try to kill him maybe? Although he would probably be in police uniform since he's a patrol officer, and he would logically announce that he is the police and is coming in, so it's a tough one.

If that does work either than I will skip any action sequence attempt, and just have it so the criminals surrender quietly. I won't have an action sequence since audiences like those, but if one cannot logically happen for the story in anyway, and they still get off, then I won't have one.
 
First off, you are approaching this from a laundry list of what an audience wants to see in a film - or at least an action film. They want action, obviously, and, truth be told, it doesn't even need to be a great story. Just blow something up. But you can have both - good action and a good story, or at least a plausible and entertaining story to string together action scenes.

What if the cop is off-duty, and in street clothes. These scenarios do happen. He can see something suspicious, enough to warrant slipping into cop mode, and entering the property. In real life I think he or she would radio in a concern, unless it was something that was immediate, and required quick action - like hearing fists on face and groans. He could still show his badge and announce himself, but you could set up your story where an off-duty cop comes across as someone the bad guys have good reason to believe is faking the cop spiel. From here you can build a case where the guys believed they were in immediate danger - they can argue at no time did the police identify himself. Set it up to where the cop did indeed make some mistakes, and make the attempted escape by the bad guys seem reasonable. If the cop does make some mistakes, then the bad guy's claim the cop never identified himself would hold more weight.

The cop saw or head something - maybe while out for a bike ride. No radio, no gun, his badge always in his wallet. He hops a fence clearly marked as private property - as opposed to a park - and he sneaks forward. When he sees something he would consider a crime, he announces himself, shows his badge.

No uniform, no gun, and arguably there without probable cause - assuming he couldn't actually see any 'crime' until he hopped the fence and moved forward. Or so an attorney could likely argue. Keep the ensuing crimes on the property - like the bad guys getting in their car and maybe trying to run over the cop, a good chase through the woods, maybe trying to hide the captive, some guns the guys legally own - they could also argue the captive was a trespasser, and had a gun - and could account for an illegal gun in their possession. The cop could esape, and the two guys are arrested afterwards on a bevy of crimes, none of which will stick under the circumstance. The captive can be moved - so no witness against them, guns are all legal, and the two bad guys had every reason to react as they did. Make it fast, good and bad decisions under extreme pressure, some great action, and all dismissable.

I think if you take this out on the street, and show your guys with a pretty hefty disregard for public safety, all bets are off.

a
 
Last edited:
Back
Top