help with story

Robbie Comeau

Robbie Comeau

Como's back. back again
i suck at this stuff, but i wanna make a short 2-3 min drama, very serious. Right now i got a girl takign photos in a forest. Anyone have any ideas of whatcan conclude next? something nice, and a twist at the end possibly? thanks guys!
 
Um.. have you got any concept or idea what so ever except wanting to shoot in a forrest?

Little war drama or something about 3 kids maybe..
 
Girl takes photos of forest.

She gets them developed and there are ghosts in the pictures.

She goes back to take more and when she gets there her friend jumps out and tells her it's all just a practical joke!

The end.
 
i was gunna do soemthnig like that, now i got a diary, and in the diary was a killing, and as the girl "tiff" reads it, she visions it right infront of her

any ideas on how to make this good?
 
Have a chipmunk run up her pant leg.

You could have her disrobe down to her undies trying to get rid of it, nudity is always a good idea in a 2 min film.

As a twist ending she could have an acorn tattooed on her back or something.

Idiotic, I know.
 
She finds a dead body in the brush, She ran away,scared and keep it secret. However, those visions keep haunting her, Finally, she decides to do the right thing telling the police. The bad guy got caught and she's in peace and changed for a better person.
 
What do you mean you have a girl taking pictures in the forest? That's your idea or you've already shot this footage and you want to make something out of it?

If you want to make a very serious drama, you should base it off a very serious event. I'm not sure what a girl taking pictures has anything to do with that. Unless, of course, you like the imagery. If that's the case you have something entirely different. Don't worry about story, per se, give the audience an overwhelming feeling - melancholy, fear, regret, etc. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to pull off a beginning, middle and end in a short that length. But remember, short films don't have to have beginnings, middles and ends. Some of the best ones don't. Present a question or a dilemma and let the audience decide the outcome.
 
ok guys, i wrote this now i cant think of an ending..


two girls stumble out of a house, drunk, adnthe girl drives her frend home. she makes it there, and when she drvies to go back home, her car stops. she gets out and is figuring out why it did.

no this is where i am at, i wanna make a serious film, but to go against drinking and driving, and adding religious to it. so i want a sign to come in play. So mayb theres an accident ahead, and if her car didnt stop, she would have got in it, so maybe god stopped her car , and this is the sign. but i dont want an accident, anything else?
 
I think its awkward if you want to do drink driving and you also want no accident. Drink driving i think is easy to do but no accident?

I would say shes looking under her bonnet. Or something. We're focused on her, and a blured truck is in the background hurtling towards her. Then at the last second theres a horn from it. We then focus and realise its there. It hurtles ino the car in front of her. Where she would have been perhaps. You could just show it and then cut to blackness, fade out, cgi something i dont know.

Maybe you could do it near a railway crossing. Shes going fast, all of a sudden car stops. Runaway train comes hurtling past. It's hard.. must admit.
 
I'm confused. First it's a girl in the woods taking pictures, then it's a girl drinking and driving? Did you decide to dump the original idea? I actually thought that might be going somewhere. For instance.....

The girl is taking photos with a digital camera. (So she doesn't have to take up time by going to have them developed.) The 'phantoms' she's seeing in her pics are ghostly images of people like police officers, medics, etc. They seem to be doing something, but she has to take multiple shots in various directions at random to try and figure out what they're doing. Ultimately, she shoots a pic that shows a 'ghost' of a murdered girl lying in some leaves -- and she GASPS when she realizes the murdered girl is HER.

Then she slowly vanishes as the other people -- the 'ghosts' -- slowly fade into existence. It seems the girl wasn't taking pictures of ghosts -- she WAS the ghost all along, and getting glimpses of the living.

It's a rough idea, but it might have possibilities.
 
chapelgrovefilms said:
I'm confused. First it's a girl in the woods taking pictures, then it's a girl drinking and driving? Did you decide to dump the original idea? I actually thought that might be going somewhere. For instance.....

The girl is taking photos with a digital camera. (So she doesn't have to take up time by going to have them developed.) The 'phantoms' she's seeing in her pics are ghostly images of people like police officers, medics, etc. They seem to be doing something, but she has to take multiple shots in various directions at random to try and figure out what they're doing. Ultimately, she shoots a pic that shows a 'ghost' of a murdered girl lying in some leaves -- and she GASPS when she realizes the murdered girl is HER.

Then she slowly vanishes as the other people -- the 'ghosts' -- slowly fade into existence. It seems the girl wasn't taking pictures of ghosts -- she WAS the ghost all along, and getting glimpses of the living.

It's a rough idea, but it might have possibilities.
Click to expand...

Excellent David!!!

In such a short time you've got so much: stasis (girl in forest), trigger (sees ghosts in her photos), build (trying to find out what is going on), climax (a girl is murded), reversal (murdered girl is HER).

Huge congratulations my friend - so much packed into so little. This could make an excellent short (imo).

Steve
 
I wonder if it would be better with two people taking pictures in the woods? Then they would be able to have a conversation, which would help explain to the audience what they're thinking/feeling. And both could be murder victims.

It could be they were friends and were kidnapped and killed together (2 girls.) It could be a girlfriend and boyfriend, who'd been in the woods taking pictures of nature and were killed. Or it could start with the one girl, then another girl shows up -- separate victims of the same killer.

I was also thinking.....when the girl sees the photo that shows HER as the dead body, she can be so shocked that she drops the camera as if it's a hot potato. Just stands staring at it in shock and horror, as it lays on the ground. Dolly to a tight shot of the camera. Then a gloved hand reaches in and picks the camera up. Follow and pull back -- and it's the cops and medics, working the murder scene, just covering the dead body (or bodies.) The girl is now gone. The detectives have a short convo about the camera. When they scroll back through the photos, they see pics of themselves working the scene. WEIRD!

And that would be the end...

Hmmmm......somebody should shoot this thing. Maybe me. :-)
 
chapelgrovefilms said:
And that would be the end...
Click to expand...

...or would it be the beginning? Love these time-shift plots - but I always get confused.

Love the shot with the gloved hand!

Like the idea of two people conversing about the weirdness of it all. What about if one of them just vanishes. We follow the other one as she continues to shoot and sees the police pick up a camera they've found. CU of some distinctive marking that makes it look like her friend's (maybe the shoulder strap).

Is there scope for a further twist before the end? But because of the gloved hand shot, this would have to be from the viewpoint of the police. Could they discover that it was her friend who killed her? If so we want to show some stuff early on to show how she didn't really trust her friend but because of something said, she dismissed her instincts.

mmmm, I'll have to think on....

Steve
 
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