Help my ending..

epsilonbass

epsilonbass

Active member
Hey guys, i'm currently working on a script that should have been finished a long time ago. It's only a short, but i have been stuck on trying to produce an ending that pays off. I've rewritten the script plenty of times but always come to the same lack of conclusion.

So now i'm completely exhausted of ideas and would really like some help. I really need an ending that sells the buildup of the script. If you would like to help or throw in any ideas i have it posted.
 

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How about a twist- Jenn gets busted for the tapes on the internet, Lou and what's his name get off scott free?
 
hey epsilon, I see what you mean about the payoff. the way it is right now it seems like an intro to a longer script. as a short, I think this ending would work if it was Jenn's story (and in many ways it seems like it should be her story), but to me it feels like youre pushing it as Jeremiah's story. As it stands right now, Jenn is the one who changes - she is abused/made fun of, and finds a different side of herself when she finds the camera, and then changes in the last scene when she decides to use this to exploit those who hurt her.

now this is a good character arc IMO, but the problem is Jeremiah doesnt really change. the piece ends before he has made his decision with how to respond to what Jenn did, and I think thats why its feeling flat.

you could fix this a few ways, the first of which would be to figure out how Jeremiah would respond and then show that - maybe he hurts her to keep it quiet, maybe Lou finds out about the blackmailing and he attempts to stop Jenn and Jeremiah has to choose whether to allow this to happen or not, etc.

another way to fix it, which would be a bit more challenging, would be to figure out how to tell it as Jenn's story. it would take some work to establish what Jeremiah and Lou are doing, but it could pay off (and you could keep the same ending).

i dont know if youre limited to the 10 page-ish length, but the other way to fix it would be to keep going. you have an interesting setup, theres plenty of conflict and an interesting power dynamic, I personally think theres enough here to keep going for awhile - I would be interested in seeing what happens/how things turn out.

I know none of those are really specific or simple suggestions, but hope that helps you out! Good luck!
 
I'm with the Lt Col. I see it as Jenn's story too. But with a little work I could see Jenn and Jer teaming up. Her for revenge, him for scratch then enter a pissed off Lou and the very nasty people he works with. Jenn and Jer are suddenly up to their armpits in trouble and have to work together in order to come out alive.
 
I think you should end it kinda like this:

Jer whispers to himself "I don't think so". Then it cuts in with one of the girls crying while a police man interrogates her. He asks her if Jenn ever spoke of suicide.Fade out and then fade in with Jenn's body hung in the bathroom and policemen taking photos....
 
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