Getting the wind knocked from my sails

JoeFowler

JoeFowler

Well-known member
Not to be "Debby Downer" but a week or so ago I had a full on seizure that left me face down in my living room, unconscious for 30 min. A trip to the ER and one MRI later and I have a cavernoma (abnormal blood vessel in the the brain) which bleeds and causes seizures.

I bring this up because we were almost ready to shoot our feature on the 1st of August, and I feel the I got the wind knocked out of my sails a bit. I am trying to recover and be motivated but it's made things different it seems, I'm a bit different.

Like I said, I'm not trying to ***** about my life (we all have struggles) I just wanted to know what you all do when you find yourselves losing steam on a project?

Joe
 
Sorry to hear about that Joe!

I have been in that position many times! When you really question what the hell you are doing!

I would watch you favourite film ever to remind you why you love filmmaking... it works for me in times of trouble.
 
Wow, Joe.... Hope all is going well. I dont know anything about cavernomas, but I wish you good health.

First and foremost, I guess I would make sure there wasnt any physical reason NOT to go ahead with the project. If drs give the all clear, then I would remind myself of all the motivating factors that got me this close to day 1 of shooting. The pre-production journey, the time spent, what new friendships or experiences I've had thus far in the process, and what good stuff could be just ahead around that next corner. And I would remember that I am part of a team, a link in a creative chain. And if it is possible and not a danger or hindrance to my health, I would continue to be a part of the magic of making that first spark of a thought into a tangible reality that I could share with other people.
 
Joe, I went thru a similar experience this spring. I went from pneumonia to diverticulitus to atriel fibrilation all within a three week period. I was stunned. I am just now learning to deal with it while I await a visit with a heart specialist to determine where to go from here.You can still make a contribution just take care of your health first and allow others to give you a hand. Good Luck keep your chin up and hang in there.
 
I know what you mean Joe. I hate taking people up on offers for help even though they honestly don't mind. Feels too much like taking a handout I guess.

Good luck with your project!
 
I am glad you are okay from what happened.

My 2 cents is to still go for it!! Many people would love to have the chance to work on a feature film, so don't let anything get in your way. Are you directing? The director should be the most vocal cheerleader for the project and people will look to you to set the tone of the set. I'm sure you already know all this so I don't want to preach to the choir.

Bottom line is, just shoot it and have fun. Youve probably done a ton of pre-production so now just go get it in the can and be happy that you are doing what you love to do.

However, if you think you won't be a happy camper on the set, that will lead to a ton of problems as others may follow your lead. I urge you to take a step back and realize what an incredible opportunity you have.

Of course, Filmmaking is not more important than your health, so of course don't do it if there are potential risks to your health.

Good luck!!!
 
Joe,

I'd like to put a few words in also. I am a disabled person, I have an undiagnosed neurological condition that causes me fatigue, weak limbs, and at times uncontrollable shaking of my legs. I can't drive (I'm an accident waiting to happen) and due to the exhaustion I can't work a regular 9 to 5. I've been this way for almost 4 years. I only tell you this so you will know that I am speaking from personal experience.

You said:
"I feel the I got the wind knocked out of my sails a bit. I am trying to recover and be motivated but it's made things different it seems, I'm a bit different."

That is perfectly normal. And you will probably feel that way for a while. You have to grieve for the loss of the person you were before you can start becoming the person you are - and grieving for that loss is not a "pity party", it is a natural reaction to something like this. And if anyone tells you different, tell them to try going thru a life-changing event, then get back to you! So, allow yourself to go through the grieving process.

Trying to recover and be motivated about something else at this time will probably be difficult at best. Recovery itself is more than likely taking up most of your motivation - and it should. Right now you have to concentrate most of your energy on health and learning your new boundries and limitations and how to deal with it all. This will be an on-going process, but it will get easier as you discover more about the new you you are becoming. And being scared is also part of this package and is perfectly understandable, but also energy consuming. As you learn more about your condition and how to live with it, this too shall ease up. So, a lack of motivation toward other aspects of your life, be it job or even family, is something you will experience for a while, but will fade with time.

In answer to Bigmagic ...and allow others to give you a hand... you also said:
"That is one of the hardest things about the situation. I hate putting anyone out."

May I ask you a question? If someone came to you and said, "Joe, I've had such and such happen to me and I really need a hand..." would you feel put out? Or would you feel good to know that this person came to you, trusted you enough, to ask for help? If you would feel good about helping your friend out, why wouldn't your friend feel good about helping you out? I know personally, I always have this warm glow feeling inside when I have been able to do something for someone else, so, I've learned over these last few years that most people feel the same way.

As to the shoot itself, right now your "steam" for it is naturally waning as you have so much else on your plate at the moment. As thartley said, you must first and formost check with your doctor about the shoot and make sure you get a clearance from him/her! That is #1! If you are cleared, then remember that others are going to WANT to help you - let them! And remember that feeling as if this shoot is second or third or fourth on your list of things to concentate on at times, that is fine! Don't feel guilty about what your are experiencing, just roll with it as it comes. And don't be surprised to find yourself enjoying the shoot once you are there! If the Doc OKs it, it will give you an opportunity to think about something else, something you love to do. Just be sure to pace yourself and allow yourself to experience all the emotions that are going to bubble up - you will be able to incorporate them and adjust much faster.

I hope this helps.
 
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