Formatting/"HOW DO I WRITE..." question + feedback on work so far.

mty10

mty10

Active member
Hey guys.

I have recently started writing my new short film (first short film I have written myself :shocked:) and need some feedback on it and also how to write a particular scene.

Anyway, for reference here is a link to the script:

HTML: 
<a href="http://www.filefactory.com/file/ccb2bfe/n/Farm_FIRSTDRAFT(sc4).pdf">Download Farm_FIRSTDRAFT.pdf from FileFactory.com</a>

Ok. So it is in the genre of Sci-Fi/Action/Thriller.

The basic synopsis is this:
Kids go out to a family farm for one of their friends 16th birthday. They get out there, then find a hatch in the ground in the old burnt out shed. this hatch leads them into a series of tunnles where by the end up stubling upon a secret government program; where they are housing Aliens for study.

They attempt to escape, but set off an Alarm, which realeses the Aliens/Monsters and also puts the base into a lockdown.

So now they have Aliens and the Govt. after them, and need to get out.

No to my problem.

I have a scene where the two guys are sitting in one spot and and the girls in another. They are having two separate conversations at the same time, but we here tidbits of both. How do I script this? (it happens at the end of the script above)

Thanks,
Michael
 
You're either going to do an intercut:
INTERCUT GUY'S LOCATION/GIRL'S LOCATION - NIGHT

GUYS
Blah Blah Blah

GIRLS
Blah Blah Blah

Or you're going to stick with one group in the scene and O.S. the other groups conversation:
INT. GUY'S LOCATION - NIGHT

GUYS
Blah Blah Blah

GIRLS (O.S.)
Blah Blah Blah

Or you're going to run both scenes in parallel:
INT. GUY'S LOCATION/INT. GIRL'S LOCATION - NIGHT

GUYS GIRLS
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

That's all I can think of. It depends on the particular situation and what you want to show. It's all technically 'legal' as long as it makes sense and is clear to the reader. Pick the one that makes the most sense to your particular situation.
 
Last edited:
That last one up there where the guy's and girl's scenes run parallel, the character headers and dialogue are supposed to be indented farther apart from each other. I don't know enough about HTML to force this.
 
Thanks a heap mate. Think I might just describe it well in the beginning and then use the top one.

Any feedback on the script itself?
 
mty10 said:
Any feedback on the script itself?
Click to expand...

I can't think of a logical reason why setting off an alarm would release the captive aliens. If someone breaks into a zoo and triggers the alarm, it doesn't release all the animals. I also can't figure out why the aliens would chase the kids. If they've been held captive against their will, I would think all they'd want to do is escape. If anything, they'd be thankful to the kids.

Which opens a couple of possible scenarios...

1. It could be a joint project between the government and the aliens. This way there would be aliens running the program, as well as captive aliens. Then it could be those aliens chasing the kids. This would probably necessitate there being captive humans as well, which the aliens are running experiments on. But this could add a whole new level of terror, as the kids fear being caught and turned into test subjects.

...or...

2. Something the kids do could accidentally release the captive aliens, which also sets off the alarm. The kids could think the aliens are chasing them, but eventually discover that the aliens are actually trying to help them escape from the gov't types, out of gratitude for their release.

Just some thoughts. Sounds like an interesting idea.
 
I was thinking that the alarm being set off and the Aliens being released was like they have in some prisons, (I know that at least here in Australia, if there is an emergency (fire, flood, terrorist attack) the Cells in a prison automaticaly open.)

But I do like the the other two. Thinking I might use them together, if that makes sense.
 
So thinking this:

Kids go out to a family farm for one of their friends 16th birthday. They get out there, then find a hatch in the ground in the old burnt out shed. this hatch leads them into a series of tunnles where by the end up stubling upon a secret government program.

There is a research project going on,a joint project between the government and a group of Aliens. Not only are there Aliens running the program, but many species as well of captive aliens. There are also captive humans as well, which the aliens are running experiments on, adding a whole new level of terror, as the kids fear being caught and turned into test subjects.

Fearing capture, the kids attempt to leave the area, but accidently release the captives and set off the alarms. They think the aliens are chasing them, but eventually discover that the captive aliens aractually trying to help them escape from the gov't and the opressor species, out of gratitude for their release.
 
It seems a little odd to me that the Government would have a secret base with an access hatch located on the family's property. I think it would be more believable if the kids sneaked into some kind of abandoned government property that happens to not be as abandoned as they thought.
 
My thinking was along the lines of it was a back door/escape hatch/air vent ect (not decided) into the back of the facility. This also alows for the inital bypassing of the security systems.
 
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