For my former-military friends (and those still in)

[Doc Bernard]

Things to do while waiting for UA drug testing (aka Operation Goldenflow)

* Ask your observer if he wants to race
* Wear a diaper
* Urinate all over the outside of the cup, then refuse to wash your hands with anything except antibacterial soap
* Inquire about a “take-home cup”
* Get your dangly parts stuck in your zipper
* After four-and-a-half hours of holding it, pee so hard you blow the cup right out of your hand
* When the nurse asks you to witness the cup being empty, insist you have to stick your finger in there to “check it out for yourself”
* When they call your name, walk to the counter looking really concerned, then calmly explain that you haven’t studied for this test and want to know
if there’s any extra credit
* Put some water in your boot before the test. When you get to the peeing part, take off your boot, pour it into the cup, and shamefully say you just
couldn’t wait
* Ask the observer to slap you on your ass a few times, just to get things going for you
* Bring a drink umbrella for your cup
* Since this person has probably seen a lot of people pee, ask him how you measure up
* Before you start, self-check for hernias (turn, cough, etc…)
* Wear a condom

Quoted from DeltaBravoSierra.com, I love this guy's humor!!!! After my separation from active duty, I was sent to a reserve unit where I had to perform "pee-tests". Needsless to say 3 months of doing that I applied for IRR. Thank God it was granted. Going from playing in the weeds with the USMC and working the ER, to running Op Golden Flow.........I was outta' there!

So, now you can see why I see this as humorous........