First short movie - Critique?

[Orangeday]

I just finished my first short movie.
I always had problems to find actors in my home town so I was never able to practice. While I did a semester in Spain I used the chance to contact some other students who participated in my movie.
Because I had to put all the stuff in a suitcase that I needed for the 6 months in Spain, I couldnt bring any light. Only my camera and a tripod.

I know, there is a LOT I have to work on and if I would have the chance, I would film some scenes again and change some parts of the story.
Believe me, when I had the idea for the story, I was really excited and thought it would turn out amazing, now where I see it, the story is not that interesting. The idea was, that a narcisistic writer, always vary between fear and overestimation, meets 4 people: the first one represents her biggest hope, the second one is too realistic and the third one represents her biggest fear. the fourth person helps her to find herself and she notices, that writing is not only important for her to "archive someting big", but to write down her own view of the world.
well, you can see the outcome in the attached youtube video.

Sorry that the english in the short movie (and in my text here) is not perfect. Noone of our team was a native english speaker.


The Video is here:
http://youtu.be/Nx5CRQongtU

My judgement:

Positive / Neutral:
Overall I'm mostly satisfied with the shots and the composition (maybe you think different?)


Negative:
The story (no emotions, up and downs are not intense enough)
Lighting
Set design



I still havent finished it fully and probably I still will change something
But what do you think about the short movie? What would you suggest I should focus on in my next project? Or change in this one?

 

[David Jimerson]

You've got some good instincts there in terms of shot composition and editing. It's rough and raw, of course, but you're starting out better than a lot of people do.

Obviously, learn as much as you can about lighting, sound recording, art direction, makeup, etc. There are a lot of first-time mistakes in there, but that happens to everyone.

I'd also, for a little while, not worry about writing in English, and just go with your native language.

So, in other words, it looks like your self-assessment is pretty spot-on. Good work!

 

[Orangeday]

Thank you!

Yes, I will try to write a new skript the next weeks and try to find actors in my home country.
The problem is, that I feel very isolated here. I don't want to complain too much now, but I have big problems with building a team, because nobody is interested in making movies.
After I finished my degree, I want to move to the UK (America is too hard because of the visa). To get critique in movie boards like this I think its important to write in english, if I always avoid it, I can't get international references and feedback for my projects.

I think, the future projects will be much better in lighting and sound (I already made a post in this forum).
Problems which are much harder to solve are location, setdesign, actors and the story (and its artistic realization).

A big problem in this project was, that I imagined everything really amazing but now where it is realized, I think the story is weak. I mean, I still like the first idea for the shortmovie, but the whole thing can't really touch people.
Is there any way to notice the lack of story more efficient before filming it? It sounds strange, but like I said, before I filmed it, I was so positive about the story, but now I see that it doesen't work. So the next time it would be good to notice that before filming, but probably, it could be the same like in this project.