Feedback on short doc sequence

[podig]

Hello,
Would love your thoughts/ feedback on the this short sequence I edited.
What are your thoughts? And what (if anything) should I do to make this a better piece? (Please keep criticism constructive)

Note: This would be just one sequence for a fuller length work.

Thanks!

https://vimeo.com/97286082

 

[roly]

A few thoughts:

Pretty professionally shot. I think it has a lot of potential, and the subject matter is interesting.

Things that struck me:

- The audio of the first girl interviewed seemed of much lower quality than the second girl. Distractingly so. Did you use different mics/recording systems?
- The cutaway shots of city scenes. I got a bit irked by seeing "The Gap" every other time. And was there a point to the skateboarders being there (some kind of counterpoint to the second girl talking about not having enough eat/compared with leisured white middle class Americans skateboarding in the sun)? It strikes me that maybe those were the only two scenes you had shot and had to make use of them. Or maybe their purpose will become clear later on. Anyway, I think such things should help drive the "plot", so to speak.
- One last thing: in the interview with the first girl, there was a bit where there were close ups of her eyes and then of her mouth as she talked. This can be very effective and stylish, but I think it should be used in moderation. In a short clip it's fine, but if you resorted to it often in a feature-length film, I would begin to find it maddeningly superficial.

Hope this doesn't come across as too negative. As I said at the beginning, it's nicely shot and has a good subject. It will be interesting to see where you go with the project. I look forward to seeing more later on!