Everything is falling apart for me, Need Positivity and Motivation Booster?

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SMSabir

Member
Many of us have experienced the low points where quieting from film making and from our passions seems like a very sensible thing to do specially when we are a newbie, not getting any work and neither any respect for our efforts and money issues are killing us and our family life (if someone is married with kids) and family pressure (old parents, relatives and so called friends who keep on telling us to get a real job and forget about becoming a world class film maker).

I myself going through this phase BIG time, everything is going wrong for me, my own wife and kids seeing me as someone who has lost his mind, people who use to be good friends (or at least I thought they were) now are parting away from me and in a a way I am falling apart big time and I know there are many here on this forum who have experienced this though they did went for the odds and conquered big time.

I don't want to quit though from months I haven't touched my gear and honestly don't what to do, feel like I have lost that motivation, desire and urge to get out and make stuff.

Please help me get out of this negative phase, please its a request.
 
Whats your ultimate goal?
I always go back to that when I feel down. Also you might be surprised to see how late into their lives may of the greats were before they got onto the film or project that really paved the way for the rest of their career.

On the family side, I regularly got the "why don't you get a real job" from family and friends. Its a horrible thing to hear. Its gone now as I have employees, an office and lots of work, but i took 10 years to get here.

Just keep at it. The thoughts that I regularly remind my self are: "I will do something every day to progress my career forward"
Doesn't have to be big but if you do something every day, it will all add up.

What sort of work do you do?

And if you are feeling really down n need some one to chat to, PM me n ill give you a call :)
We all need some help some times.
 
This sucks. I totally know what you are going through. It's not very encouraging when those closest to you,
are 'giving up' on you and advise you to quit going after your dreams. I try to encourage my kids every day,
that they can be whatever they want, and that pursuing money is not the 'be all, end all'. Our society measures
a lot of our 'success' by how much money we make. I say, do something that makes you happy.

Now this isn't to say that making a living isn't important, obviously it is. Everyone has their own journey through this
thing we call life, and sometimes you have to do, what you have to do to make sure you have food and can keep the lights on.
But honestly, many Americans 'need' the latest iPad or iPhone, newest car, 4K big screen TV (because HD isn't good enough
any more) and the list goes on. Don't fall into that trap.....at least not now. Wait until you are successful enough to actually
afford all that extra stuff.

All I can do is tell you what I did. I REFUSED to 'get a real job'. If I was desperate for money, I could usually find 'staff' work
at a TV station or production company, or other media production related field, but that was always heading towards my ultimate
goal (running my own video company and being my own boss.) This way, I would be building up my skills by working in an related area.
So it IS important to have an ultimate goal to work towards. Even after I opened my business, I had hard months. I would do any
'pick up' work that I had to. I did play by play for high school sports. If my business had a slow period and I had no paying clients lined up,
I would scan the local newspaper, and show up to local kids events (dance performance or sporting event of the weekend) and videotape it.
Then I'd sell DVD's to the parents. I made a couple websites, complete with video promos. I shot weddings, birthday parties, and even
boring government meetings. Basically anything I could figure out that could help me stay in business. If I couldn't figure out a way to make
some money, I'd use the fact that I had 'time' to try and learn a new skill. Shoot some motion timelapses. Shoot some stills. Some of these things,
I later ended up packaging into DVD's, Blu Rays, or prints, and selling them on my website. But even without that, I was learning something new....I figured
that'd I would use the 'slow times' in my business to my advantage, by using the time I had to learn new things. I cut expenses to the bone, drove a
25 year old car with 210,000 miles on it. I ate out maybe once every three months and went to a movie maybe twice a year. But I made it.
I'm still not getting rich, but now I own a house, can pay all my bills, and even have money to upgrade my gear and take a vacation. And when
I want to take a day off now, say to watch my kids sporting activities, I can....because I work for myself. It can be really, really hard. You have to
be lucky and good. My attitude was that I wasn't going to do anything else and that I would eventually 'make it'.....it was just a question of
how much time it would take. I wish you the best of luck and feel free to contact me to talk about anything as well.

I'll leave you with a couple links, that are hopefully encouraging to you.


http://lifehacker.com/talent-does-not-decide-whether-you-succeed-1687427688
http://www.bloodyelbow.com/2015/12/...eo-conor-mcgregor-im-not-talented-im-obsessed
 
Been there, friend.

Some things I've learned about this whole "creative endeavor" thing:

1. - Almost nobody anywhere will really understand and thus fully respect what it is you're trying to do.

2. - The vast majority of everyone will NEVER do anything in their lives like you are trying to.

3. - We all know that, generally speaking - people hate change. Right? Well here's something they hate even more: They hate when YOU change. People want you to remain being for them what you have always been for them. That's not 'everyone' ...but that's Human nature.

4. - Don't TALK about what you're trying to do with anyone except those you're actually doing it WITH. Keep as tight lipped as you possibly can without being horribly rude about it. Just never bring it up, but if they ask - then be polite, say as little as you possibly can, and change the subject as quickly as you can. As I'm sure you've noticed already, the majority of everything people will say about it is negative, even if they're polite about it their message is still a negative one. Or the conversations winds its way to a point where the negative stuff gets brought up. I could make a joke about "Do not TALK about Fight Club" but the truth is that many great leaders and big-time DOers all say the same thing - don't talk about your plans with anyone until AFTER you've accomplished them, and you'll find that NOW they all have nothing but praise and how they always had faith in you. Yeah....bite me.

5. - Don't feel bad about cutting people out of your life if they're a negative force regarding this stuff. Don't feel bad because there are other people out there who are in your same boat and they NEED YOU just as much as you need them.

I have undertaken 2 separate creative careers and this all happened exactly the same way each time with other people. I've learned these 5 points here the hard way. I swear by them. I'd lose my mind without them.

Now, go tell someone who deserves it to BUGGER OFF!
 
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either you have it in you to become a filmmaker or you don't. only you can answer that question.

as far as the problems you've described, i've got to be honest with you. it sounds like you need much more than some words of encouragement. it's one thing to go through a dry spell, lack motivation, not bring in much money, etc.. but when you start saying things like my life is falling apart and my family thinks i've lost my mind... that sounds fairly serious. you really need to go talk to someone beyond us fools hanging around the cafe.
 
ugafan said:
either you have it in you to become a filmmaker or you don't
Click to expand...

It's talent and chance.

And it's no use asking yourself whether you have either one. As for talent, we all judge ourselves poorly, either trumping ourselves up or overcriticizing ourselves, depending on our leanings. As for chance, well that is in the future, and he can't tell whether it will happen or not, though he can do things to raise his chances.

SMSabir, you need to talk more about what you want and what you are doing. Your post has few details, and our tendency is to fill in the holes with our selves, which might lead to the wrong advice. As for what I can understand from your post, I see red flags:

SMSabir said:
a world class film maker
Click to expand...

So you want to be a world-class filmmaker. What is that to you? Is that a world-famous filmmaker?

wife and kids
Click to expand...

Did your wife sign up for this?

Did your kids sign up for this?

months I haven't touched my gear
Click to expand...

You haven't mentioned knowing anyone. And you imply just starting to learn. And now are you saying that you aren't practicing anymore?
 
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Do you want to make films or do video work? Both?
You can always have a day job and do your own indie films on the side, possibly help others with theirs.
 
From the way you write - 'world class filmmaker', 'I am falling apart big time', 'who have experienced this though they did went for the odds and conquered big time' - maybe you are putting unnecesaary pressure on yourself as well? There's a lot between failure and world class or 'big time', maybe you're setting your own standards exceptionally high, making them impossible to reach which makes you feel like a failure right now?

But that's just guessing. I agree with combatentropy seeing red flags there.
 
Is being a "world class film maker" your ultimate goal? If it is, then you'd better face some harsh realities.

Your odds of achieving that are slim, to say the least. Can it be done? Sure. But the vast majority of folks reaching for that goal won't ever even come close to it.

Those who do reach it will have done so because they WORKED relentlessly. You say you haven't touched your gear in months? Then how the hell do you expect to achieve your goal? Do you think some Movie Fairy is going to descend from heaven and anoint you? Snap out of it!

Successful writers WRITE. Every day. Every single blessed day -- good days, bad days, hard days, busy days, whatever. They WRITE. They commit to writing a certain amount -- either a number of words, number of pages, or amount of time -- every single solitary day. If they have no idea to write about one day, they write anyway. They write ANYTHING. It doesn't matter what they write, it matters that they DO write. Every single day, 365 days a year.

You want to be a successful filmmaker? Then do what the writers do. Grab your gear and USE IT every single solitary day. SHOOT SOMETHING. Stock footage. Short films. A documentary of whatever is going on that day. PRACTICE. Get better and better and better at your craft, while amassing a library of footage and small films.

Don't make excuses! "Oh, I need actors. I don't have anyone to act!" So what???? Shoot stuff that doesn't need actors. I once wrote a short film called 'Phone Tag' which had no on-screen actors at all, just two telephone answering machines. Yes, it needed voiceovers done later. But if you did that film, you could spend all day -- multiple days -- just shooting the answering machines in various ways, with various lighting schemes, in order to create visual variety and different kinds of moods. You LEARN from doing stuff like that.

I developed an entire feature-length movie that I was able to shoot completely inside my own house with a very small cast and almost no crew. That movie -- "Tangled Web" -- is now on Amazon Instant Video. It cost next to nothing to produce.

You bemoan the fact that you're not getting respect for your efforts? Then TRY HARDER. Shoot more. Create more. Make films that are worthy of respect. Don't expect people to love something just because you made it. If you're just in it so people can tell you how wonderful you are, then you're in the wrong business. You EARN respect. Sitting around moping and not even touching your gear for months is NOT going to lead to people respecting your work.

It's easy to get discouraged. Believe me, I know. I've been doing this going on 20 years now, and I still don't feel that people respect my work. But if you have a genuine PASSION for what you're doing, then you keep on doing it, believing in yourself and what you are capable of achieving. If you don't have that passion, then maybe you need to try some other career.

The movie business isn't some easy path to fame and fortune. Many, many, many try. Few succeed. Those who do worked HARD to get there.

So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get yourself back into the game. I would wish you good luck, but it's really not about luck -- it's about talent, skill and effort.

Hang in there!
 
Mate.

I don't know the details. I've gone through these spells before. I've had no food. I would eat 3 times weekly, and water the other 4 days. It was that bad.

I lost the woman I loved. Honestly, all principle aside, your wife and kids mate.

Making it is an illusion. If you're into making ANYTHING just to make it big, that's the wrong reason. If you told us you weren't ever satisfied with the work you do then it's a different story and that's actually a good thing.

You can figure out how to do what you like. But please, your wife and kids.

Fix your family mate.

It's no good waking up alone.

You can make whatever you want if you chill out and really figure out why you're doing it. I can argue that 'making it' takes away frmo the craft. It becomes a business thing.

Fix it with the family. Show them they're important. Expect nothing, just like you did when you fell in love. It'll figure itself out, but the red flags for me here are 'my wife and kids' and then everyone talking about this 'dream' of 'screw everyone do your thing daily'.

Be an adult. Your family are the most important thing. You can do everything else, along with a job if you want to.

If any of that is harsh, then good. Wife. Kids. Very least we can do.
 
Writing that post just cost me about 4 days of sleep.

I really, really miss that woman. Some guys know about this story over here, she wasn't even the real deal. I just made hella plans is all that cost me a fortune and a LOT of illness afterward.

I felt bad reading this again, but please mate. Don't get mad at me, I'm really trying to tell you - They're THERE. Love that. Ask everyone else who missed that chance.

You'll make movies in no time if you're happy.
 
Quick thought....


Being a world class film maker has nothing to do with being successful. I know a ton of successful people that are not globally known. For me....success = doing what you love in your life. This can be done on a big global scale....or locally in your home town. If you can live your life, have a family...and make a living doing what you love....in my mind....that is just as successful as anything else. Thats a blessed life and a privilege.
 
There is a number of points to address here:
1. Majority of people are just parts of a large Machine - and they are comfortable with it (Machine rewards them for their collusion with comfortable, albeit for most part meaningless, lifes). It's not as simple as you are a part of the status quo and i'm not as we operate withing many areas where sometimes we are outside of the mass culture, in others we are very much so part of it. As Marcuse said, majority is so indoctrinated to believe that everything is OK that they will never question the status quo and will always look with a surprise at those who do. As such you HAVE to realize that majority of people will not support your efforts and even look at it with suspicions.

2. As was mentioned before by others, you have to figure out what success really means. The famous filmmakers for most part are successful because they serve the vast Machine talked about in no1. They make entertainment for the masses and, as mentioned before too, the mass-culture rewards them with "fame and fortune." This will be potentially important point of contention as you try to figure out your life as on one hand you are trying to go against the system ("get a regular job to support your family and lifestyle") and what the others tell you, on the other you are trying to become part of the system (making art that gets seen by others and makes you a living). Moreover, you will have to develop a very powerful personal tiller to steer your actions and not to let your ego overtake you. It's easy to say to yourself: the world doesn't understand me because it's too blind itself (see no1), it's much harder to admit that the world doesn't understand me but my work is s--- too, so maybe there is a reason why the world doesn't care. [My personal opinion is that the more world cares, the lesser the work is. There is inconceivable amount of masterpieces you never heard about and way, way larger amount of garbage everyone is talking about]

3. In "free" society where everyone is "free" (quotation marks because of no1) to choose what they like, what matters is what entertains. Entertainment is something that repackages the old. So the work needs to be original enough so the audience isn't bored by having seen it already but also conformist enough that the audience doesn't feel challenged by the work to reassess their own view of the world (to make audience think is to pull them out of entertainment). This is another major point of contention you will face: do i make meaningful work or do i play the game (with hopes or rewards mentioned in no2) and only look for a gimmick retelling the old. In essence you will be asking yourself a question every artist faced in history of mankind: do i make what i think is right and give it to the world (and if the world doesn't care, fine) or do i give them what they want. [rereading Freud and his view on civilization and subjugation of instincts - or rather how little of that subjugation takes plays in our world - will be eye opening]

4. Family is important as it's a huge anchor in those turbulent seas of moral decisions you have to make on daily basis. You look at your baby playing and your wife smiling and all those "important" decisions seems meaningless BUT as a human you do look to infuse your life with meaning and after the moment of calm of seeing your family the pendulum of your feelings will swing back to trying to make a mark on the world. As Tolstoy said, one has to lead life so that it matters even after one's death.

Hope it helps.
 
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Let me tell you my story. It's nothing amazing but maybe you can relate to it.
When I was a teenager I grew up being inspired by certain filmmakers and realized around age 12 that I wanted to be a filmmaker. I had set this silly goal sometime later that I would make it by age 23 because that was when Robert Rodriquez made it and my favorite musician Trent Reznor made his first album at 23, so it seemed right. But that was really ridiculous for a few reasons:

1. What is "making it" really? I guess in my mind back then it meant I would be in Hollywood on set directing features for a major studio and surrounded by famous talented people. But that's a very narrow definition of making it.

2. You can really put a time on when you're going to make it.

3. That's a horrible way to approach being a filmmaker.

By the time I hit 24 I hadn't made it. Not even close. The most I had done was made a couple handfuls of short films with some friends. At that point I had a wakeup call. A revelation. I probably wasn't ever going to make it. I had to do some soul searching and I came to the realization that I just wasn't as passionate about it as I assumed. Had I been as passionate about the craft as I thought, I would have moved out to California at age 18 and got any job I could on film shoots, meanwhile writing screenplays with all my free time and meeting everyone I could to help me get things done on my own films. But instead I stayed in Michigan, got a job driving trucks, shot some short films with friends here and there and life went on.

Before age 23 I had a very immature view of all this. I just assumed I was inherently some kind of creative genius just because I wanted to be. That somehow it would just come to me. I look back on that and laugh now. That was my ego talking back then, not my passion for the medium itself. Creative genius is like Schrodinger's cat, it must be observed by an outside observer to be confirmed. You are the cat. You exist in a state of flux. You may be a creative genius (or world class filmmaker) or not. The only way to open this box is to make a film, or more likely a series of films. It is others who will judge you as a creative genius or not. It's not something you can bestow upon yourself and you should never operate under that assumption.

At 24, once I dropped this notion and got rid of all the stress of wanting to make it, I was free. That's when I directed my first feature. At that point I realized I just wanted to make films. Whether I eventually made it or not, didn't matter anymore. Dropping those expectations helped me refocus on what was really important and realistic.

A few years later I got a job at a local media company as their head video guy. It's a salary position with benefits and I've been here just a few months short of ten years now. It's corporate commercial stuff. Most of it pretty run of the mill, every so often there is a bigger project that takes me out of state shooting something. But it's solid and weathered me through the recession we had for those five years. As I have a son and pay child support this is important. Something stable and solid. Since my son was born when was 25 I've no longer been in a position where I could just run off the California and try my luck. But I don't want to either. I'm happier doing video production by day and indie films as a hobby. I'm happy living in an area where a three bedroom house doesn't cost four hundred grand. There is no stress as to whether my next short or feature film will make it's money back or get distribution or whatever. That's not my goal anymore. I do it because I love it and I'm making something. Maybe one day I'll make something that becomes a cult hit like Clerks or Evil Dead. But the way the film industry is these days, I doubt it. Even if I did I wouldn't want to get caught up in the Hollywood industry anymore. I wouldn't want that stress of a fifty million dollar budget on my head where it might stop being fun. Sure the paycheck might be nice. But it can always be better.

In the end, the sun will swallow the earth and perhaps all of humanity with it. Even people who have been well known for thousands of years will be forgotten. So it's more important to just enjoy what you do and love who you can love. Let the rest of it fall away.
 
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