Dear Tech Support...

dakotapod

dakotapod

Veteran
Thought I would share this

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed
itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system
activity - applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting
and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm
thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't
work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.

______________________________________

[glow=red,2,300]REPLY:[/glow]

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also
impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is
impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once
installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child
Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to
alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep
3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3. (or any version of Secretary for that matter!) This
application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support
 
Re: Dear Tech Support...

...and make sure the Sexy Lingerie program has the right version and memory footprint. Otherwise a non-terminable utility Suspicion 1.0 can be launched, sometimes invoking Private Detective 2000, ultimately leading to a complete takeover of all your system resources and a non-recoverable system crash.
 
Re: Dear Tech Support...

Also, Wife 1.0 comes with a chemical analyzer that detects foreign/unkown chemical compounds that exude alien and potentially terminally damaging aromas/viruses. 

Also be very aware of the highspeed DNA analyzer that can instantaneously indentify hair follicols of other uninstalled programs and operating systems.  In case of the scenarios please refer to this section as previously advised:  
            Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.
 
Re: Dear Tech Support...

Remember -- Headache 1.0 isn't a bug; it's a plug-in which can't be removed. Wife 1.0 is produced by a monopoly which has complete control over the OS market, and there is nothing you can do about it short of a complete and very, very costly total uninstall.
 
Re: Dear Tech Support...

Quick question: I recently installed Girlfriend 7.5 with the Engagement 1.0 patch. It is actually a really good OS. Can I simply use Girlfriend 7.5 without fully upgrading to Wife 1.0?
 
Re: Dear Tech Support...

I'm currently beta testing my girlfriend 1.0. I don't like her because she keeps rebooting on me. This girlfriend is asking for a format.
 
Re: Dear Tech Support...

[quote author=disjecta link=board=Offtopic;num=1103565205;start=0#11 date=12/21/04 at 12:08:31]I would suggest running Girlfriend 1.0 on your laptop   8)[/quote]Yes, but don't plug the laptop into the network. Girlfriend 1.0 would immediately detect Wife 1.0 and self-destruct.

Keep laptop and network separate.
 
Re: Dear Tech Support...

[quote author=BLUESPIDER link=board=Offtopic;num=1103565205;start=0#13 date=12/21/04 at 16:03:16]woah, this could get dirtay.[/quote]
I think it has already by introducing a lap top.
 
Re: Dear Tech Support...

[quote author=BLUESPIDER link=board=Offtopic;num=1103565205;start=0#13 date=12/21/04 at 16:03:16]woah, this could get dirtay.[/quote]
Like how many peripherals can I install into one USB socket? :D
 
Re: Dear Tech Support...

Dear Troubled User:

Please purchase our "Diamond" collection.
Please note this is a download only product. No records will be generated...this is for your protection.
We are not responsible for loss or damage to your "equipment".


The Diamond Collection includes:

Search and Destroy 1.03:
- Removes all traces of former life.

The Wife 1.0 Dictionary and Thesaurus:
- Includes the most popular "Do I Look Fat Guide 9.0" word list, and help files for "You Don't Take Me Anywhere 2.2".

Automatic Game Cleaner 3.0:
- Autonomously removes all entertainment files, including all hidden files.

Photo Collector Destroyer 1.0:
- Destroys all of your "Art" collection, also can remove all traces of "I just read the articles" viruses.

Mini Van Conversion "BETA":
- A guide to loving the Mini.

The Illustrated 3D Self Neutering Master Series 5.0:
- Learning to live with a disability.

The Garage Design Handbook on PDF, 3rd printing:
- An oasis in the cold.

Abandon All Hope 2.0:
- THE addendium to child processing.

***And We Also Include FREE***

The Ultimate 3D Illustrated Guide To Interpeting Facial Expressions and Body Posture 8.02

Coming To Terms With Loss, Isolation and Withdrawl 7.0

When To Duck 3.0

When To Shut Up 3.0

Building a Couch Bed 7.0


***PLUS***

A $30.00 off coupon to our best selling, "Men Are Always Wrong And Why 5.0"


We offer a no money back life time guarantee.
If you're ever dissatisfied for any reason, deal with it.



Good Luck
 
Re: Dear Tech Support...

I have so much to comment but I think I'm going to be good. Tempting it is...but I'll just chill and be cool. I don't want big 8' 2'' Jarred to kick my butt. :-X
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top