Chuck Norris didn't turn 70 today...
- Thread starter Batutta
- Start date
Jim Brennan
VHS Member Old Skool
...or at least it would have. If Chuck hadn't scared it back to 75.
Jawa Ex Machina
Veteran
...by shooting blue lasers at it, from his chest hairs.
RandomHero
Well-known member
... his chest hairs could fire blue lasers while beating up Steven Segal by themselves...
Jawa Ex Machina
Veteran
With all due respect, Roseanne Barr's chest hairs could beat up Steven Seagal.
Chuck Norris' chest hairs could beat pulp into an orange, and then beat it back into pulp again.
Nektonic
Veteran
Actually Max, this is how it works (although, Chuck may also have some ability to slightly slow down the rate at which he ages, so I'm not totally discounting your theory):
Chuck Norris doesn't age like the rest of us. When he hits 80, he'll start to age in reverse until he is 20. Once he hits 20, he will begin to age normally back to 80 again until the cycle starts again, and again, and again... thus making Chuck Norris virtually immortal. This of course opens up the notion that Chuck Norris has been around for longer than we can imagine. Who knows what historical badasses were actually Chuck Norris?
What is great about this is that he will always be available to play the lead in the inevitable remakes of some of his classic films like The Delta Force, Invasion USA, and Missing in Action among others. Note to Hollywood execs: for your own personal safety, you don't recast Chuck Norris.
HorseFilms
Look ma no hands
The sad thing is... he's in better shape than I am, and I'm 33.
RandomHero
Well-known member
GoodLuck
Well-known member
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked all the coats onto coathangers.
Chuck Norris carved the cake with some fiery steel nun chucks.
When Chuck Norris blew out the cake it exploded.
Chuck Norris put out all 70 candles with some chop sticks seconds after they were lit.
Chuck Norris had the party at Chuckie Cheese, the place was instantly renamed Chuck Norris Cheese.
Chuck Norris blew out the candles and said "thank God for another year". God replied, "no thank you Chuck Norris".
When the gifts were passed around, Chuck Norris x-ray scanned them and thanked everyone in advance. Saving a solid 20 minutes on them having to be opened.
Everyone ate off Chuck Norris plates, and drank out of Chuck Norris cups. Not because they had to, but because everything tasted better off of them.
Anyone who wished Chuck Norris a "Happy Birthday" before the exact milisecond he was actually birthed, died.
The Grimm Reaper showed up at the party, not to claim Chuck Norris, but to say thanks for keeping him in business.
300 kings and presidents attended his party. Not to wish him a Happy Birthday, but to request his blessing.
After everyone left, his placed cleaned itself.
Chuck Norris carved the cake with some fiery steel nun chucks.
When Chuck Norris blew out the cake it exploded.
Chuck Norris put out all 70 candles with some chop sticks seconds after they were lit.
Chuck Norris had the party at Chuckie Cheese, the place was instantly renamed Chuck Norris Cheese.
Chuck Norris blew out the candles and said "thank God for another year". God replied, "no thank you Chuck Norris".
When the gifts were passed around, Chuck Norris x-ray scanned them and thanked everyone in advance. Saving a solid 20 minutes on them having to be opened.
Everyone ate off Chuck Norris plates, and drank out of Chuck Norris cups. Not because they had to, but because everything tasted better off of them.
Anyone who wished Chuck Norris a "Happy Birthday" before the exact milisecond he was actually birthed, died.
The Grimm Reaper showed up at the party, not to claim Chuck Norris, but to say thanks for keeping him in business.
300 kings and presidents attended his party. Not to wish him a Happy Birthday, but to request his blessing.
After everyone left, his placed cleaned itself.
RandomHero
Well-known member
@Goodluck : I think you just claimed the title for this thread. Excellent.
Jim Brennan
VHS Member Old Skool
Yeah.
Richard J. Johnson
Joystick Member
You also realize that He has another fist under his beard. Just thought you guys should know.
Ki-Ki
Veteran
Then you should take a look at our Jack Cheese! Still at it.
The thing is, I don't know who this Chuck Norris is and it's simply p1sses me off.
Jack Bauer > Chuck Norris
Period.
No.
Really.
(except S08)
Nektonic
Veteran
Damn it, why couldn't Chuck Norris Cheese have been around when I was a little kid? I would've rather had birthday parties there than at regular old Chuckie Cheese.
I'm gonna take a wild guess that at Chuck Norris Cheese, the ball pit isn't filled with colored plastic balls. It is filled with hand grenades. Don't pull the pins kids.
That Jack Bauer interrogating Santa Claus clip was pretty badass, but so unbelievable because we all know that Chuck Norris is actually Santa Claus. Its just a part time job. He does it for the kids.
RandomHero
Well-known member
Well, for one thing Jack Bauer isn't real, and I don't think anyone would say Kiefer Southerland is more badass than Chuck Norris (and if you say that, I expect you'll have a roundhouse kick coming your way real soon)
Just remember, Chuck Norris is even badass at night, cause he doesn't sleep.... he waits.