Best Redneck Dialogue of All Time
- Thread starter wbfish
- Start date
Super Trooper
Well-known member
*shudders*wbfish said:
Smokey and the Bandit "We don't got time for that crap! Dumb sumbitch!"
Sling Blade "Reckon you make me some biscuits." and "I like them French fried potaters."
Super Trooper
Well-known member
lol
pookie_old
Veteran
.
Daniel_Runyon
Well-known member
"Hungry dawg'll eat anythang.....come on dawg, eat that vomit!" - Run Ronnie Run
"I guess when you said to meet at our special place I shoulda knowd to come to the jail" - Run Ronnie Run
"I guess when you said to meet at our special place I shoulda knowd to come to the jail" - Run Ronnie Run
David G. Smith
Steak Knife Member
"If you're born in Kentucky you've got three choices; coal mine, moonshine or move it on down the line."
Loretta Lyn:[in a radio interview] Shoot, we've been driving so much, I don't know where I am half the time. But it's fun. We sing, and talk, and Doo - that's my husband - he'll get to acting horny.
Speedy West: [shocked] What!
Loretta Lynn: And the more I laugh, the hornier he gets, and then he'll say, "Loretta, spread me up another one of them baloney sandwiches!"
Radio station manager: [later] I don't know where in the hell you think you are, lady, but that kind of smut don't go in this part of the country!
Loretta Lynn: I didn't know it was dirty! I thought "horny" meant cuttin' up and acting silly!
- "Coal Miner's Daughter"
Gator McKlusky:Only two things in the world I'm scared of
Sheriff Connors: Only scared of two things, what's that?
Gator McKlusky: Women and the police.
Big Bear: [holding a knife at Gator's throat] You can eat my grub… I'll let you haul my whiskey... but don't you ever do me no *wrong*! Gator McKlusky: How'd you like that knife shoved up yer ass?
Big Bear: [long pause] I wouldn't like that at all.
Roy Boone: Ready?
Gator McKlusky: I was born ready!
-White Lightning.
Buford T. Justice: Hey boy, where is Sheriff Branford at?
Sheriff Branford: I AM Sheriff Branford.
Buford T. Justice: Oh, pardon me. For some reason you sounded a little taller on radio.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: There's no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Regarding The Bandit in a hammock]
Big Enos: Son, you're looking at a legend.
Little Enos: I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot a like, daddy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sheriff Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.
Buford T. Justice: The god damn Germans got nothin' to do with it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway.
[begins to turn away, then returns]
Buford T. Justice: Now, you can THINK about it... but don't do it!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after kicking one of the car thieves in the rear]
Buford T. Justice: That's an attention-getter.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker.
Junior: Except for that...
Buford T. Justice: Shut your ass.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bandit: Oh I love your suits. It must have been a ***** to get a 68 Extra Fat and a 12 Dwarf.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carrie: You have a great profile.
Bandit: Yeah, I do, don't I? Especially from the side.
Carrie: Well, at least we agree on something.
Bandit: Yeah. We both like half of my face.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bandit: What the hell was that?
Carrie: A left. Or a half a U.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bandit: Now, gettin' to Texarkana and back in 28 hours, that's no problem.
Little Enos: It ain't never been done before, hot ****.
Bandit: Watch your language, little lady.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Enos: Well, if you can't do it...
Bandit: That's real good psychology. Why don't you say something bad about my mother?
Little Enos: Your momma is so ugly...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carrie: I think I'm in love with your belt buckle.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: Just keep your eye out for that Mr. Bandit bastard!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: You want something?
Junior: Hush puppies, daddy.
Buford T. Justice: We don't got time for that crap! Dumb sumbitch!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[last lines]
Junior: [running after Sheriff Justice's car] Daddy! Wait! Who's gonna hold your hat?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cledus Snow: Whoa!
[to Bandit over the CB]
Cledus Snow: I just passed another Kojack with a Kodak, this place is crawling with bears, where the hell are you?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carrie: Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer... named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it.
Bandit: And?
Carrie: One day, I came home and found him in the shower... with a girl... and her mother!
Bandit: Well, at least he kept it in the family.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Communicating through the C.B. radio]
Bandit: Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.
Buford T. Justice: Who there?
Bandit: This is Bandit Darville talkin'.
Buford T. Justice: Where are you, you sombitch?
Bandit: Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, 'cause I've been chased by the best of them, and son, you make 'em look like they're all runnin' in slow motion. I just wanna say that.
Buford T. Justice: Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bandit: What do you think they do for excitement in this town?
Cledus Snow: Probably sit around and watch the cars rust.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cledus Snow: Besides, I can't go with you. I got to go to Conyers in the morning and pick up a load of manure.
Bandit: Um, shitty job.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Waynette Snow: No, Bandit! Not this time! Cledus is not goin' with you! He got in enough trouble last time! Dammit, Bandit, look at me when I'm talking to you!
Bandit: I find it hard to look at you, Waynette. With all those curlers in your hair, you look like you're tryin' to pick up a radio station in Savannah.
Georgia State Trooper: [during the final chase, the motorcycle cop has landed in a ditch with water] Son, don't you know this ain't saturday?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cledus Snow: [at the Coors warehouse in Texarkana] Hey, Bandit! It's only 6:30 in the mornin'; what time you think they open?
Bandit: [drives a forklift through the warehouse door] They're open now. Let's load up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cledus Snow: Bandit, what are we gonna do about all this beer we took?
Bandit: [Running to his car] Leave them a note and tell them to send the bill to Big Enos Burdette.
Cledus Snow: [writing a note] Send bill to Big Enos Burdette; B-i-r-d; B-u-r-d;
[sees Bandit take off]
Cledus Snow: Hell, I got to go
[leaves without finishing note]
-Smokey and the Bandit.
Rubber Duck: Piss on you, and piss on your law.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melissa: Why do they call you the Duck?
Rubber Duck: Because it rhymes with "luck." See, my daddy always told me to be just like a duck. Stay smooth on the surface and paddle like the devil underneath!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rubber Duck: You ever seen a duck that couldn't swim? Quack, quack!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
New Mexico Gov. Jerry Haskins: A lonely breed. Hard men, proud men. Not too proud to cry nor shed a tear. The living embodiment of the American cowboy tradition. Ladies and gentleman, we are gathered here today to honor this great native American son his gave his life for a cause so vital to us all. Like so many great Americans before him had. As you can see, these truckers, are going to start passing paying their respects to their loss comrade, the Rubber Duck. In their Macks, their Jimmies, K-Woppers, fruitliners, garbage trucks, dump trucks and even limosines. Truckers all. From the covered wagons and trains to the 18-wheelers that keeps this country alive. This controlled individualism, made this cause so vital, that I promise to take it to Washington and present to the Senate myself.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melissa: But they're all following you.
Rubber Duck: [looks at Melissa then road] No, they ain't. I'm just in front of them.
-Convoy.
Loretta Lyn:[in a radio interview] Shoot, we've been driving so much, I don't know where I am half the time. But it's fun. We sing, and talk, and Doo - that's my husband - he'll get to acting horny.
Speedy West: [shocked] What!
Loretta Lynn: And the more I laugh, the hornier he gets, and then he'll say, "Loretta, spread me up another one of them baloney sandwiches!"
Radio station manager: [later] I don't know where in the hell you think you are, lady, but that kind of smut don't go in this part of the country!
Loretta Lynn: I didn't know it was dirty! I thought "horny" meant cuttin' up and acting silly!
- "Coal Miner's Daughter"
Gator McKlusky:Only two things in the world I'm scared of
Sheriff Connors: Only scared of two things, what's that?
Gator McKlusky: Women and the police.
Big Bear: [holding a knife at Gator's throat] You can eat my grub… I'll let you haul my whiskey... but don't you ever do me no *wrong*! Gator McKlusky: How'd you like that knife shoved up yer ass?
Big Bear: [long pause] I wouldn't like that at all.
Roy Boone: Ready?
Gator McKlusky: I was born ready!
-White Lightning.
Buford T. Justice: Hey boy, where is Sheriff Branford at?
Sheriff Branford: I AM Sheriff Branford.
Buford T. Justice: Oh, pardon me. For some reason you sounded a little taller on radio.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: There's no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Regarding The Bandit in a hammock]
Big Enos: Son, you're looking at a legend.
Little Enos: I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot a like, daddy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sheriff Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.
Buford T. Justice: The god damn Germans got nothin' to do with it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway.
[begins to turn away, then returns]
Buford T. Justice: Now, you can THINK about it... but don't do it!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[after kicking one of the car thieves in the rear]
Buford T. Justice: That's an attention-getter.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker.
Junior: Except for that...
Buford T. Justice: Shut your ass.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bandit: Oh I love your suits. It must have been a ***** to get a 68 Extra Fat and a 12 Dwarf.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carrie: You have a great profile.
Bandit: Yeah, I do, don't I? Especially from the side.
Carrie: Well, at least we agree on something.
Bandit: Yeah. We both like half of my face.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bandit: What the hell was that?
Carrie: A left. Or a half a U.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bandit: Now, gettin' to Texarkana and back in 28 hours, that's no problem.
Little Enos: It ain't never been done before, hot ****.
Bandit: Watch your language, little lady.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Enos: Well, if you can't do it...
Bandit: That's real good psychology. Why don't you say something bad about my mother?
Little Enos: Your momma is so ugly...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carrie: I think I'm in love with your belt buckle.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: Just keep your eye out for that Mr. Bandit bastard!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Buford T. Justice: You want something?
Junior: Hush puppies, daddy.
Buford T. Justice: We don't got time for that crap! Dumb sumbitch!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[last lines]
Junior: [running after Sheriff Justice's car] Daddy! Wait! Who's gonna hold your hat?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cledus Snow: Whoa!
[to Bandit over the CB]
Cledus Snow: I just passed another Kojack with a Kodak, this place is crawling with bears, where the hell are you?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Carrie: Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer... named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it.
Bandit: And?
Carrie: One day, I came home and found him in the shower... with a girl... and her mother!
Bandit: Well, at least he kept it in the family.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Communicating through the C.B. radio]
Bandit: Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.
Buford T. Justice: Who there?
Bandit: This is Bandit Darville talkin'.
Buford T. Justice: Where are you, you sombitch?
Bandit: Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, 'cause I've been chased by the best of them, and son, you make 'em look like they're all runnin' in slow motion. I just wanna say that.
Buford T. Justice: Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bandit: What do you think they do for excitement in this town?
Cledus Snow: Probably sit around and watch the cars rust.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cledus Snow: Besides, I can't go with you. I got to go to Conyers in the morning and pick up a load of manure.
Bandit: Um, shitty job.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Waynette Snow: No, Bandit! Not this time! Cledus is not goin' with you! He got in enough trouble last time! Dammit, Bandit, look at me when I'm talking to you!
Bandit: I find it hard to look at you, Waynette. With all those curlers in your hair, you look like you're tryin' to pick up a radio station in Savannah.
Georgia State Trooper: [during the final chase, the motorcycle cop has landed in a ditch with water] Son, don't you know this ain't saturday?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cledus Snow: [at the Coors warehouse in Texarkana] Hey, Bandit! It's only 6:30 in the mornin'; what time you think they open?
Bandit: [drives a forklift through the warehouse door] They're open now. Let's load up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cledus Snow: Bandit, what are we gonna do about all this beer we took?
Bandit: [Running to his car] Leave them a note and tell them to send the bill to Big Enos Burdette.
Cledus Snow: [writing a note] Send bill to Big Enos Burdette; B-i-r-d; B-u-r-d;
[sees Bandit take off]
Cledus Snow: Hell, I got to go
[leaves without finishing note]
-Smokey and the Bandit.
Rubber Duck: Piss on you, and piss on your law.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melissa: Why do they call you the Duck?
Rubber Duck: Because it rhymes with "luck." See, my daddy always told me to be just like a duck. Stay smooth on the surface and paddle like the devil underneath!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rubber Duck: You ever seen a duck that couldn't swim? Quack, quack!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
New Mexico Gov. Jerry Haskins: A lonely breed. Hard men, proud men. Not too proud to cry nor shed a tear. The living embodiment of the American cowboy tradition. Ladies and gentleman, we are gathered here today to honor this great native American son his gave his life for a cause so vital to us all. Like so many great Americans before him had. As you can see, these truckers, are going to start passing paying their respects to their loss comrade, the Rubber Duck. In their Macks, their Jimmies, K-Woppers, fruitliners, garbage trucks, dump trucks and even limosines. Truckers all. From the covered wagons and trains to the 18-wheelers that keeps this country alive. This controlled individualism, made this cause so vital, that I promise to take it to Washington and present to the Senate myself.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Melissa: But they're all following you.
Rubber Duck: [looks at Melissa then road] No, they ain't. I'm just in front of them.
-Convoy.
Kirk Gillock
Rebel with a cause
David - Do you have a database of quotes just waiting for threads like this?
David G. Smith
Steak Knife Member
PK Gillock said:
I cheated... IMDB... :undecided
MsManhattan
Well-known member
And now for some low-rent Redneck Dialogue...
Ruby Sue: Rocky bit my thumb. He's nervous.
Clark: Nervous or excited?
Ruby Sue: Shittin' bricks.
Clark: You shouldn't use that word.
Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin' rocks.
--Ellen Hamilton Latzen and Chevy Chase
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 1989
"Boys, don't nevah, I mean nevah, laugh at no cripple."
--Victor Mature as the Big Victor (???) to Mike, Mickey, Davy and Peter (The Monkees)
Head 1968
(I can't remember if it was Victor Mature who delivered this line or someone else... It's been a while...)
Ruby Sue: Rocky bit my thumb. He's nervous.
Clark: Nervous or excited?
Ruby Sue: Shittin' bricks.
Clark: You shouldn't use that word.
Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shittin' rocks.
--Ellen Hamilton Latzen and Chevy Chase
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 1989
"Boys, don't nevah, I mean nevah, laugh at no cripple."
--Victor Mature as the Big Victor (???) to Mike, Mickey, Davy and Peter (The Monkees)
Head 1968
(I can't remember if it was Victor Mature who delivered this line or someone else... It's been a while...)
I can't believe you quoted Head. I just saw Bob Rafelson (director of Head) speak at the Aspen Film Fest. He co-wrote it with Jack Nicholson and he said they were in NYC promoting the movie and according to him they had the bright idea to walk the streets of NYC talking loudly about how great the movie was, hoping that everyone who overheard them would go see it and then tell all their friends. During the course of this walking promotion Bob said that they came across a motorcycle cop writing someone a ticket and Jack went up behind the cop to put a Head sticker on the cop's helmet - just as the cop turned- thereby placing the sticker on the cop's face. Nicholson went to jail for a day.
David G. Smith
Steak Knife Member
Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?
Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eddie: I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.
-National Lampoon's Vacation.
:laugh:
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?
Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eddie: I got laid off when they closed that asbestos factory, and wouldn't you know it, the army cuts my disability pension because they said that the plate in my head wasn't big enough.
-National Lampoon's Vacation.
:laugh:
CallaghanFilms
Veteran
In keeping with the Cousin Eddie theme,
who could forget the immortal, "The shitter's full..."
who could forget the immortal, "The shitter's full..."
CallaghanFilms
Veteran
I though of a few more from Raising Arizona...
"Son...you gotta' panty on your head."
"Now, what's it gonna be young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? 'Cause if'n I freeze, I can't rightly drop. And if'n I drop, I'm gonna be in motion."
and my personal favorite:
Evelle: 'hese blow up into funny shapes at all?
Nice Old Grocery Man: Well, no, unless round is funny.
"Son...you gotta' panty on your head."
"Now, what's it gonna be young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? 'Cause if'n I freeze, I can't rightly drop. And if'n I drop, I'm gonna be in motion."
and my personal favorite:
Evelle: 'hese blow up into funny shapes at all?
Nice Old Grocery Man: Well, no, unless round is funny.
Thanks for bringing up Raising Arizona.
"...me and Dot can't have any more kids on account there's somethin' wrong with my semen."
"Take that diaper off your head and put it back on your sister."
"Never leave a man behind."
"Has he had his dip tet?"
"Turn to the right!"
"You're a flower you are."
"It ain't armed robery if the gun ain't loaded."
"...me and Dot can't have any more kids on account there's somethin' wrong with my semen."
"Take that diaper off your head and put it back on your sister."
"Never leave a man behind."
"Has he had his dip tet?"
"Turn to the right!"
"You're a flower you are."
"It ain't armed robery if the gun ain't loaded."