Being Professional & Clash of Egos

[Jimmy Pierce]

For the past few years I've worked for a company that teaching film making. It's a rewarding job and every day there's something new to take away. One of the biggest issues I've had is developing strong relationships with the majority of the staff. I've worked in film for roughly 15 years. Many of my co-workers have 20-35 years under their belt. The fact is that no matter how experienced you are in a field, there's someone with more experience.

As a worker, my belief is when you get to the point that you can have professional etiquette, adapt to any project & tools, and work efficiently, you've reached your peak. After that, knowledge may be infinite but you know what you're doing and it doesn't need to be questioned when someone sees your resume. But many of the people I work with have a hard time trusting me. Maybe they are envious because while they have more experience in the field of media, I have more experience in the field of media & teaching. I have history with the company. I have strong relationships with the founders of the company. On top of that, in the event my own superiors are unavailable, I am their superior. They are still figuring out the best approach to teaching, I've been down that road already. One of mankind's greatest fears is dwelling into the unknown, isn't it?

Apart from that, several of the staff members are freelance and aren't working with us full time. It's not unusual behavior. Many of the staff members have a strong resistance towards me and I am not sure what I can do to gain their trust. They trust each other because they know each other, and I'm not in that circle. Maybe that's just the way it is. My biggest fear is the day I am their superior when something goes horribly wrong and they either don't inform me and take care of it themselves, or step over me and I am not able follow protocol through my job training.

This may sound harsh, but the bottom line is, this is my job and you as my co-worker need to abide by that. Don't tell me I'm doing my job wrong, don't ignore our collaboration and keep me from being in the loop when I need to be, because I am an adult, I am a professional and I understand these responsibilities. If I am wrong, I will be professional about it and will have that discussion with my superior. If we are working together, I respect your experience, I really do, but we have a job to do and we don't have time to list our resumes pro bono. When you're on the job, a high school student deserves equal respect to an 85 year old Clint Eastwood and if either are not doing their jobs properly, they are equally responsible.

The universal question is, how do you be professional and manage egos? If you're a seasoned professional, how do you treat others with less experience? What is considered trustworthy experience?

 

[ugafan]

many of the people I work with have a hard time trusting me.

Many of the staff members have a strong resistance towards me and I am not sure what I can do to gain their trust.

The universal question is, how do you be professional and manage egos? If you're a seasoned professional, how do you treat others with less experience? What is considered trustworthy experience?

the quality of your work is much more important the number of years you have put in. a person gains respect by consistently producing high quality content. unfortunately in your case, i don't think there is much you can do at this point. it sounds like they have already made up their minds that you are incompetent or untrustworthy.

 

[TheDingo]

How do you be professional and manage egos? If you're a seasoned professional, how do you treat others with less experience? What is considered trustworthy experience?

From past experience from working with "hard headed" individuals, I've usually diffused things in one of two ways...

1- Ask their advice on something that you really don't need their advice on, but you want to draw them in to a good working relationship with you, so you collaborate to come up with good working solutions. This won't work with total A-holes, but for most people it's a great way to let the air out of any potential conflicts.

2- Give them your guidelines on what you want done, but let them figure out the details on how they want to communicate that information. Everyone has their personal style, which might be very different than your own and that actually might be a good thing. In the end all that matters are the results, not how they were achieved.

You definitely have to give people some slack if you don't want to end up butting heads with them.

 

[Drew Ott]

Go out for drinks with your co-workers a few times until they like you.

Compliment them, make them look good. Focus on their needs.

You may be in a professional environment but you're all still humans and things tend to work best when everybody likes each other.

 

[David W. Richardson]

If you are the boss, then BE the boss. Be the leader, the decision-maker, the one whom everyone else is expected to follow. Don't try to make everyone your friend. You're not there to make friends, you're there to work. If people can't work with you and follow your instructions, then replace them.

But if you're NOT the boss, then don't try to BE the boss. Follow. Agree. Participate and facilitate. Keep your opinions to yourself. Remember your place in the machine. Remember that it's not about whether your ideas are better than the boss's -- it's about the fact that you were hired to bring HIS vision to life, not your own.

Many people have a hard time actually being the boss. They worry about whether they are liked or respected, when the only important thing is whether they are obeyed. The quality of the final product will determine your acceptance by others in the business. That doesn't mean you should be difficult, only that you should be authoritative.

Many also have a hard time NOT being the boss. Always thinking they're smarter, their way is better, and everyone should be listening to them. Right or wrong, that makes them a bad team player.

Whatever part you are in the machine that is making the film, be that part. No more, no less.

 

[Mark Williams]

Being a boss can be difficult. I was one for 25 years. Early on I learned it is not the ideal atmosphere to make friends. The best you can hope for is you will gain their respect. You accomplish this through mentoring, establishing realistic goals, empowering, acknowlegement and accountability. In retrospect I think I was good at it. But if I had to do it over again, no way. You will never be a part of the group and dealing with employee problems can take a serious toll on your well being. The old saying that "it is lonely at the top" is very accurate.

 

[TheDingo]

If you are the boss, then BE the boss.

...But a lot depends on how you act as the boss. I've had my fill of d*ck bosses, that made the workplace a miserable place to be with their I'm THE BOSS attitude. And I've worked with amazing bosses that were almost hands off, yet everything was taken care of and always done on time. They made work a place that people looked forward to being part of.

 

[David W. Richardson]

Being a boss can be difficult. I was one for 25 years. Early on I learned it is not the ideal atmosphere to make friends. The best you can hope for is you will gain their respect. You accomplish this through mentoring, establishing realistic goals, empowering, acknowlegement and accountability. In retrospect I think I was good at it. But if I had to do it over again, no way. You will never be a part of the group and dealing with employee problems can take a serious toll on your well being. The old saying that "it is lonely at the top" is very accurate.

Totally true.

When it comes to making films -- filmmaking is not done by committee. Not well, at any rate.

What is required is a team. But too often people seem to think 'team' means the same thing as 'committee'. It doesn't.

Think about a football team. There is a coach (the director) at the top who has a plan to achieve an objective -- probably winning the Super Bowl. He has sat down with the team's owner (the producer) and together they have mapped out and agreed upon a plan to achieve that goal.

Toward that end the coach hires his staff (the crew) and recruits his players (the actors). He chooses the best people for each position -- people he knows can bring strength to the positions they are put in, car work well with the other members of the team, and will work together to execute the coach's plan. If the coach has made shrewd choices and wise plans, and if everyone does their job in supporting those plans, then the team may very well be successful.

They are a team -- not a committee.

Team members may very well suggest things to the coach that they think might improve their chances of success. If the coach likes a suggestion, he will incorporate it into his plan. But if not, he will say 'no' and the suggestion is forgotten. The coach is, after all, the boss.

Sometimes you get an arrogant player who thinks he knows better than the coach, and shoots his mouth off about it. This is disruptive to the team and distracts them from working toward the ultimate goal. When this happens, that disruptive person either has to bring himself in line or be kicked off the team and replaced with someone else.

Although he is concerned about the well-being of all his players, the coach isn't your friend. He's your leader. He's your boss. HE is the man with the plan, not you. The only way the team is going to succeed is if YOU and everyone else does your job properly.

So join the team. Support the team. Be an integral part of the team. But remember......it's not a committee. And you're not the coach.

My 2 cents.

 

[David W. Richardson]

...But a lot depends on how you act as the boss. I've had my fill of d*ck bosses, that made the workplace a miserable place to be with their I'm THE BOSS attitude. And I've worked with amazing bosses that were almost hands off, yet everything was taken care of and always done on time. They made work a place that people looked forward to being part of.

I've had bosses who were 'hands off' and tons of fun to work with. And most of them were not good bosses because the business suffered, no matter how great the work environment was.

And I've had bosses who might be called "d*ck bosses". Demanding, unforgiving, relentless. I learned a lot while working under those bosses, and managed to find a way to become accepted, appreciated and needed by most. Those people got things done. They were assets to the companies we worked for. Hard to work with? Sure, because we all like a nice, easy day over one filled with deadlines, pressure and stress. But for me, it became a matter of pride to meet those deadlines on a regular basis, anticipate upcoming problems and be prepared for them, and take it all in stride. I became indispensable to some of those bosses, and had a real sense of accomplishment.

Of course, that doesn't describe all bad bosses. Some people should just not be in management positions. But others are driven professionals who simply demand excellent work from their staff.

Some of the most brilliant movie directors in Hollywood -- people whom every actor and crew person would love to have a chance to work with -- were (and are) considered to be tyrants on the set. But success is measured by the end product. And few are the people who would not work with those directors again if they had the chance.

 

[TheDingo]

And I've had bosses who might be called "d*ck bosses". Demanding, unforgiving, relentless.

About 15 years ago I worked for a total d*ck boss, and all of our work that won awards was always created when he was on vacation. He was a fantastic de-motivator, and many of the staff looked forward to the day they could quit and work for an actual human being. I've met more d*ck bosses like this than the type who were d*cks but produced amazing work.

 

[David W. Richardson]

About 15 years ago I worked for a total d*ck boss, and all of our work that won awards was always created when he was on vacation. He was a fantastic de-motivator, and many of the staff looked forward to the day they could quit and work for an actual human being. I've met more d*ck bosses like this than the type who were d*cks but produced amazing work.

Experiences differ.

 

[Jimmy Pierce]

I agree with this. I think they're too busy trying to control that work themselves that they have overlooked my work in this workplace.

the quality of your work is much more important the number of years you have put in. a person gains respect by consistently producing high quality content. unfortunately in your case, i don't think there is much you can do at this point. it sounds like they have already made up their minds that you are incompetent or untrustworthy.

Absolutely. Replacing is not my decision but it may end that way, unfortunately. Being the boss, or least a supervisor is difficult when you were not their supervisor first, and they are the boss in another job. You're working with people who have a range of skills and they may bring their authority with them if they are the authority elsewhere. I would not work with people like that elsewhere honestly, because they are bad listeners and cross that boundary they're not being paid to cross. I think my coworkers have a hard time NOT being the boss, NOT being the final decision maker, and they have to take a step back. As far as teaching, when we first started, the teachers did most of the work the students were supposed to do because they didn't think the students would make the right decisions. It's taken almost two years to convince the staff here to allow the students to do the work themselves and it was difficult letting go of that.

If you are the boss, then BE the boss. Be the leader, the decision-maker, the one whom everyone else is expected to follow. Don't try to make everyone your friend. You're not there to make friends, you're there to work. If people can't work with you and follow your instructions, then replace them.

But if you're NOT the boss, then don't try to BE the boss. Follow. Agree. Participate and facilitate. Keep your opinions to yourself. Remember your place in the machine. Remember that it's not about whether your ideas are better than the boss's -- it's about the fact that you were hired to bring HIS vision to life, not your own.

Many people have a hard time actually being the boss. They worry about whether they are liked or respected, when the only important thing is whether they are obeyed. The quality of the final product will determine your acceptance by others in the business. That doesn't mean you should be difficult, only that you should be authoritative.

Many also have a hard time NOT being the boss. Always thinking they're smarter, their way is better, and everyone should be listening to them. Right or wrong, that makes them a bad team player.

Whatever part you are in the machine that is making the film, be that part. No more, no less.

I think for anyone, your co-workers are not your friends and they may have less or more experience than you but you should treat them as an equal, because you both have the same goal.

 

[maranfilms]

Second thread tonight where I had similar experiences as the OP. Last year I began a new job at a High School where I teach film and television to a group of students. When I first started there was a teacher that seemed to dislike me right off the bat, yet we had never worked together, or even really talked other than just basic convo. In fact he was somewhat rude and condescending on several occasions in front of others. I found it to be embarrassing and it really made me feel lousy, not a good way to start a new job. After a month we entered a statewide film competition and placed. Being that the teacher was also the department head, he was assigned to attend the ceremony in Boston with myself along with the students. The ride started out quiet, eventually we became more vocal, and before you know it we were deep in conversation. By the time we got back home, we both mentioned having a great day. My point is in the right environment, where you can actually have time to converse and get to know one another, you will more often than not have a common interest. To this day we're good friends and have worked on a bunch of projects together. Had we not been in the situation to where we were able to get to know each other, chances are we would not be friends. initially I don't know if I said something he didn't like the first time we met or if he just had no interest in getting to know me, either way it's water under the bridge. Another poster mentioned going out for a beer or coffee. People tend to loosen up when outside the work place and are usually more themselves. Another approach would be to treat them as they treat you. At times this approach can work as they get a taste of their own demeanor.

 

[David W. Richardson]

Second thread tonight where I had similar experiences as the OP. Last year I began a new job at a High School where I teach film and television to a group of students. When I first started there was a teacher that seemed to dislike me right off the bat, yet we had never worked together, or even really talked other than just basic convo. In fact he was somewhat rude and condescending on several occasions in front of others. I found it to be embarrassing and it really made me feel lousy, not a good way to start a new job. After a month we entered a statewide film competition and placed. Being that the teacher was also the department head, he was assigned to attend the ceremony in Boston with myself along with the students. The ride started out quiet, eventually we became more vocal, and before you know it we were deep in conversation. By the time we got back home, we both mentioned having a great day. My point is in the right environment, where you can actually have time to converse and get to know one another, you will more often than not have a common interest. To this day we're good friends and have worked on a bunch of projects together. Had we not been in the situation to where we were able to get to know each other, chances are we would not be friends. initially I don't know if I said something he didn't like the first time we met or if he just had no interest in getting to know me, either way it's water under the bridge. Another poster mentioned going out for a beer or coffee. People tend to loosen up when outside the work place and are usually more themselves. Another approach would be to treat them as they treat you. At times this approach can work as they get a taste of their own demeanor.

Great story! I'm glad you were able to break through the walls and become friends.

One job I had, I was hired as the administrative assistant to the plant foreman, who was a woman. Everyone warned me what a hateful witch she was, and that nobody in the office liked her, to the point where everyone was scared to even go into her office to talk to her.

I made it a point to go into her office every chance I had. I soon learned that she was neither hateful nor a witch, she was just under a lot of pressure and determined that her office turn out quality work on time, exceeding all expectations. I began to search for ways that I could facilitate what she was doing -- make it easier, while anticipating questions and problems and having fallback plans to deal with them. She soon realized that not only was I not afraid of her like everyone else seemed to be (which she hated, BTW), I actually liked her and was there to help her succeed at her tasks. It turned the entire office around 180 degrees. People began to see her for who she really was, liked her, and worked hard to help her. Some days when she went out to lunch, she would return with milkshakes or ice cream for everyone -- something she never did when she felt hated by her staff. The atmosphere in that office changed dramatically, and we were finally a TEAM working together on a common goal. And for the first time, people actually enjoyed coming to work. We were PROUD that we worked for her! PROUD of what we, as a team, accomplished. Suddenly our work had meaning.

The attitude of ONE person can make all the difference in these situations -- either for the good or the bad.

 

[paulears]

I'm confused. You say you are working for a company that teaches media and filming. As in a college, or university, or a private training institution with educational status and maybe a franchise of some other college? This is very important. You talk of 'superiors', that is a very interesting choice of word. I've been in the industry, then an educationalist for a long time, then back to industry, and have never considered even the MD, or the Principal, or in examining, the Chief Examiner as 'superior'. They have a different level in the heirachical pyramid, but it's very common for knowledge, experience, skill, and even pay to have little to do with what you do, what your title is and how good you are. Boss, supervisor, manager - this terms make sense, but superior tends to be wrapped up with respect, and just sounds a bit unusual.

Some people, academics in particular, often have no communication skills, or sometimes even common sense! Pips on shoulders tend to be determined by what you can do and how 'bendy' you are. It's possible to have a very skilled technician teaching alongside a Phd and the technician being far more popular, and knowledgeable. Until, that is, you get to the Phd's speciality area where their knowledge and sometimes gravitas mean something. Up to that point, they are rarely 'superior', and sometimes a liability. Pay tends to be linked to qualifications, so again, isn't a reliable indicator. A manager can earn much more than the teachers, yet be useless with students.

People I work with have a hard time trusting me. Maybe they are envious because while they have more experience in the field of media, I have more experience in the field of media & teaching

They don't trust you? Why? Do you mean they pay scant regard to your teaching experience? I've found that many educationalists teach their way as the 'standard' when out there, sometimes the things they have been taught just don't get done any longer, as industry techniques changes so quickly. Trust of course must be earned. paperwork means nothing to a visiting professional. If you say something they know to be out of date or simply wrong, you need to work out what is going on. I work with a guy who frequently tells people old and out of date info, and I have to put the students right. I try to do it kindly, but sometimes, he really feels I'm out of order. It's just inter and intra personal communications.

Can you give some more detail on what causes the rifts?


Attitude and ability seem to be the key features, and I can't get a handle on where you sit, and what the problem is.

 

[maranfilms]

Great story! I'm glad you were able to break through the walls and become friends.

One job I had, I was hired as the administrative assistant to the plant foreman, who was a woman. Everyone warned me what a hateful witch she was, and that nobody in the office liked her, to the point where everyone was scared to even go into her office to talk to her.

I made it a point to go into her office every chance I had. I soon learned that she was neither hateful nor a witch, she was just under a lot of pressure and determined that her office turn out quality work on time, exceeding all expectations. I began to search for ways that I could facilitate what she was doing -- make it easier, while anticipating questions and problems and having fallback plans to deal with them. She soon realized that not only was I not afraid of her like everyone else seemed to be (which she hated, BTW), I actually liked her and was there to help her succeed at her tasks. It turned the entire office around 180 degrees. People began to see her for who she really was, liked her, and worked hard to help her. Some days when she went out to lunch, she would return with milkshakes or ice cream for everyone -- something she never did when she felt hated by her staff. The atmosphere in that office changed dramatically, and we were finally a TEAM working together on a common goal. And for the first time, people actually enjoyed coming to work. We were PROUD that we worked for her! PROUD of what we, as a team, accomplished. Suddenly our work had meaning.

The attitude of ONE person can make all the difference in these situations -- either for the good or the bad.

Also a great story Richard! It's amazing how only one or two negative people can kill the moral in a working environment. We all need to give each other a chance before we make up our mind, first impressions are usually lasting, but never tell the whole story. The older I get the more I realize how sensitive we all are. It seems living the high paced lives we lead, leaves little time to reflect and think about the way we treat others, especially when working in high stress environments or jobs we don't like (I actually love my job, but have worked plenty I didn't). Each and every one of us have something going on in life, whether it be relationship issues, health issues, money issues, family problems, stress at work, what ever. These are the times people are most vulnerable and need support. The worst we can do is kick another when they're down, that **** is lasting and extremely difficult to get back up from. I'm as guilty as anyone when it comes to this, but with age I'm learning that we need to think about how we make other people feel. The internet is the worst for this, it's so easy to lash out at someone you've never met in person, or to purposely try to make someone feel like **** because they may have a difference of opinion, or you may take something they said out of context. I guess it's just human nature, but as long as we're aware of it, we have hope to do better in the future.

 

[David W. Richardson]

Also a great story Richard! It's amazing how only one or two negative people can kill the moral in a working environment. We all need to give each other a chance before we make up our mind, first impressions are usually lasting, but never tell the whole story. The older I get the more I realize how sensitive we all are. It seems living the high paced lives we lead, leaves little time to reflect and think about the way we treat others, especially when working in high stress environments or jobs we don't like (I actually love my job, but have worked plenty I didn't). Each and every one of us have something going on in life, whether it be relationship issues, health issues, money issues, family problems, stress at work, what ever. These are the times people are most vulnerable and need support. The worst we can do is kick another when they're down, that s*%t is lasting and extremely difficult to get back up from. I'm as guilty as anyone when it comes to this, but with age I'm learning that we need to think about how we make other people feel. The internet is the worst for this, it's so easy to lash out at someone you've never met in person, or to purposely try to make someone feel like s*%t because they may have a difference of opinion, or you may take something they said out of context. I guess it's just human nature, but as long as we're aware of it, we have hope to do better in the future.

Agreed. It seems like most of us are so focused on how others treat us that we're forgetting to pay attention to how we treat others. Many times they treat us the way they do because of the way we're treating them.

 

[maranfilms]

Spot on man! I couldn't agree more.

 

[Jimmy Pierce]

Superior meaning supervisor. I am required to give certain direction and delegate tasks to the staff in the event their normal supervisors is not present and handle certain types of situations like emergencies, drills, manage schedules, and complaints. I received specific training by the company that I need to abide by in certain situations. I think what causes the rifts is that most of the staff haven't taught before and because of their level of experience compared to mine. They are not able to make the decisions they are normally making their regular line of work. An example would be an executive in an office building going back to working in a cubicle. They're still an important asset to the company but their responsibilities have changed. When not with us, some of them work for other production companies, others are freelance, but they have much more knowledge than they are being asked regularly to provide in our workplace. Also, our management has changed. I recently moved to a new city and our company has several locations. Probably should have mentioned that in the first post. Anyway, when I arrived, there was little order, our previous management was managing more than one program within the company, so they weren't able to focus their attention on just us, so it became a committee. Like David Richardson stated, film making is not done by committee. Again, I think it is difficult for the some of the staff to take a step back from what they're used to being responsible for, and there is some resistance towards me, who isn't local to the area, haven't worked with them in any previous work like they have with each other, and having less experience behind me in general.

I don't want this thread to be a vent for my own personal experience. I think the more important question is how we treat others who have less experience or knowledge than us, and how we're perceived by them and vice versa. As someone who is not as experienced as others, I would like to have admiration for someone with more experience who I can learn from. But I don't admire someone who undermines others for not having an equal level of experience. It's not motivating behavior, even if ultimately I may learn something from them in the long run. It's hard to focus on learning in that situation.

I'm confused. You say you are working for a company that teaches media and filming. As in a college, or university, or a private training institution with educational status and maybe a franchise of some other college? This is very important. You talk of 'superiors', that is a very interesting choice of word. I've been in the industry, then an educationalist for a long time, then back to industry, and have never considered even the MD, or the Principal, or in examining, the Chief Examiner as 'superior'. They have a different level in the heirachical pyramid, but it's very common for knowledge, experience, skill, and even pay to have little to do with what you do, what your title is and how good you are. Boss, supervisor, manager - this terms make sense, but superior tends to be wrapped up with respect, and just sounds a bit unusual.

Some people, academics in particular, often have no communication skills, or sometimes even common sense! Pips on shoulders tend to be determined by what you can do and how 'bendy' you are. It's possible to have a very skilled technician teaching alongside a Phd and the technician being far more popular, and knowledgeable. Until, that is, you get to the Phd's speciality area where their knowledge and sometimes gravitas mean something. Up to that point, they are rarely 'superior', and sometimes a liability. Pay tends to be linked to qualifications, so again, isn't a reliable indicator. A manager can earn much more than the teachers, yet be useless with students.

[/COLOR]

They don't trust you? Why? Do you mean they pay scant regard to your teaching experience? I've found that many educationalists teach their way as the 'standard' when out there, sometimes the things they have been taught just don't get done any longer, as industry techniques changes so quickly. Trust of course must be earned. paperwork means nothing to a visiting professional. If you say something they know to be out of date or simply wrong, you need to work out what is going on. I work with a guy who frequently tells people old and out of date info, and I have to put the students right. I try to do it kindly, but sometimes, he really feels I'm out of order. It's just inter and intra personal communications.

Can you give some more detail on what causes the rifts?


Attitude and ability seem to be the key features, and I can't get a handle on where you sit, and what the problem is.