...who raises his hand during Q&A with the director/producer/writer/honey wagon driver/whoever and, when picked, spends five minutes either gushing over the film just seen without asking a question, or yabbering about how -you- are >also< a 'film-maker' and about how the director's/producer's/writer's/honey wagon driver's/whoever's work has personally affected *you* (without asking a question) or actually -does- manage to frame a question so pathologically, embarrassingly, criminally irrelevant or plain stupid that everyone else in the theater wishes that your parents had not taught you to speak?
Seriously, how did you get into the screening? It's awards season, and at least half of the people there are there because the studio wants them to see their movie, and then hopefully vote for it for a guild award or an Academy Award (tm) or possibly (depending upon who they are) both, or at least give it some positive press coverage. How did you wind up being their +1? Are you the idiot cousin? The well-meaning but dumb friend who they hoped wouldn't totally embarrass them in public, among their professional colleagues, just this one time? Have you no shame? Doesn't it bother you, that you are publicly demonstrating that you are at best an insecure dweeb and at worst an egomaniacal sociopath? Do you actually believe that in an auditorium full of production professionals "did you shoot this movie in the order in which the scenes appear on screen?" is a question that distinguishes you as a discerning cineaste with an important perspective, to share?
When attending a screening, show some damn judgment and taste. The only 'film makers' that anybody has come to see and hear, are the ones sitting in the big comfy seats on-stage, with microphones in their hands (another tip: their names, not yours, are on the movie you just saw). No one there gives a tin sh*t, that you like to hear yourself described in your own voice, over the auditorium's PA speakers as a 'film-maker,' even if you actually *are* one (though I think those of you who actually are, don't need to be told this). No one is interested in your childhood, the effects that a hyper-obscure French Expressionist instructional hygeine film had on you during your freshman year, or your lame attempts at ingratiating spittle-licking directed at the A-listers on stage.
If you're at an awards screening, odds are that you are surrounded by professionals with decades invested in classroom and real-world education in their craft. You are not going to come up with better stories than your audience-mates, you are not going to schmooze your way to anything besides looking a complete fool, and you are highly unlikely to accomplish much besides take time away from someone with a -really- interesting question to pose, who's got the background and education, to frame one.
Every damn screening. Every one. I don't know what it is about awards season that brings these types out of the woodwork. Eat your damned free popcorn, drink your damned free Dr. Pepper, and STFU. There's grown-ups, in the theater.
Seriously, how did you get into the screening? It's awards season, and at least half of the people there are there because the studio wants them to see their movie, and then hopefully vote for it for a guild award or an Academy Award (tm) or possibly (depending upon who they are) both, or at least give it some positive press coverage. How did you wind up being their +1? Are you the idiot cousin? The well-meaning but dumb friend who they hoped wouldn't totally embarrass them in public, among their professional colleagues, just this one time? Have you no shame? Doesn't it bother you, that you are publicly demonstrating that you are at best an insecure dweeb and at worst an egomaniacal sociopath? Do you actually believe that in an auditorium full of production professionals "did you shoot this movie in the order in which the scenes appear on screen?" is a question that distinguishes you as a discerning cineaste with an important perspective, to share?
When attending a screening, show some damn judgment and taste. The only 'film makers' that anybody has come to see and hear, are the ones sitting in the big comfy seats on-stage, with microphones in their hands (another tip: their names, not yours, are on the movie you just saw). No one there gives a tin sh*t, that you like to hear yourself described in your own voice, over the auditorium's PA speakers as a 'film-maker,' even if you actually *are* one (though I think those of you who actually are, don't need to be told this). No one is interested in your childhood, the effects that a hyper-obscure French Expressionist instructional hygeine film had on you during your freshman year, or your lame attempts at ingratiating spittle-licking directed at the A-listers on stage.
If you're at an awards screening, odds are that you are surrounded by professionals with decades invested in classroom and real-world education in their craft. You are not going to come up with better stories than your audience-mates, you are not going to schmooze your way to anything besides looking a complete fool, and you are highly unlikely to accomplish much besides take time away from someone with a -really- interesting question to pose, who's got the background and education, to frame one.
Every damn screening. Every one. I don't know what it is about awards season that brings these types out of the woodwork. Eat your damned free popcorn, drink your damned free Dr. Pepper, and STFU. There's grown-ups, in the theater.
