Are you guys friends w/ other directors? Can you be friends w/ other directors?

john threat

john threat

Carbonite Member
I don't know, maybe it's me - a lot of people think I'm quite charming, but in my travels I noticed that it's hard to be friends with other directors.

When I am introduced to other directors as a director/ DP they always go "you shoot?" , they don't even here that I direct.

Often times its like the two same poles of a magnet meting - they are self absorbed ad no interest in a friendship w another director.

Is it because of competition? Is it because there can only be one director, so I have no use in their world in accomplishing their goals? Is it just me and I don't realize I am a dick? Is this question stupid?
 
most of my friends are directors. and we probably became friends because we had that in common to talk about initially. have not experienced any weird sense of competition.
 
In my experience I have seen this with directors who have control issues or aren't that good. I have a lot of friends who are directors, and each of these people are REALLY good. I look up to their work, and they look up to mine. If people act that way towards me, I am thankful, that way I know they are not someone I want to work with :) I don't have time for petty games.

A friend of mine who is now an electrical engineer used to be a chef. He ran into this with other chefs, especially head chefs, to the point he left the field to work as an EE.
 
Attempting to make friends with people solely based on their profession is a roll of the dice. If you hit it off it's probably because you have things in common other than what you do for a living.

Personally I don't try to make friends.....if it's meant to be it will happen on its own.
 
I have VERY supportive relationships with directors, DP, editors, actors, etc.
But then again I'm 44, if I was hanging out with a younger crowd it might be different.
 
Must be just me. I suck.

I was friends with one guy who were sorta on the same level, but we drifted apart and thats okay.

I also seem to put them off when I say I only shoot/DP for projects I believe in. That seems to put them right off.

I live in NY. When I visited L.A. it seemed easier to be friends with other directors because everyone there is a director!

PS: actors, DP, editors no issue - just other directors.
 
Yeah, age is the first thing I wondered about. If John is young, or even just young looking, that could go a long way toward explaining it. I've always looked a lot younger than I am, and it was a real liability for me (in terms of people taking me seriously as a professional, which I was) through my 20s and even a bit beyond, when I still looked like a teenager. And I'll never forget the cleaning woman in my college dorm in freshman year staring at me in amazement, and then telling me I looked like I was 12...

It's finally become an advantage for me though, for some time now : )
 
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im 35 , 6'3" and I look like a bouncer and move like a army ranger.

I look like i should be hoisting a High Boy - not cross legged with a cup of coffee in the directors chair clutching index cards and a script.

Maybe I smell funny. Well its nice to know it's just me. Maybe I need to wash more than once a day
 
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Then let your work speak for itself and ignore those who try to prop themselves up by diminishing others. I've known quite a few folks who like to do that, including some very talented, capable ones. Even in those cases though, it's simply pathetic...
 
I only see it with people who are insecure, usually because they know they aren't that great. Photographers are much worse. Or rather, people who bought expensive cameras and joined a photo club. I met one last weekend at a parade in San Francisco, he was trying to impress some much younger woman (while ignoring his wife) by talking in detail about really basic concepts, trying to make himself sound important. He even started heckling the parade participants to look at him, or the parents of the kids to get out of his way. When he realized I knew what I was talking about with this stuff he became very nervous and defensive, trying to talk over me whenever possible. That's because he didn't know what he was talking about and didn't want anyone to figure that out.

On the other hand, some of my friends are also photographers, producers and so forth, and we can talk about business without conflict as long as we can think of things to say. They're secure enough that they don't need to attack me. It just depends on the person. I recommend finding different people to try being friends with.
 
At first, I was going to make a lame joke about maybe it had to do with your name...you know...you pose a Threat to them. However, when I heard you were 6' 3" and look like an Army Ranger I thought I should refrain :)

Actually, I have many friends who are directors. However, there are many people who I feel (and I stress it's only my instinct) stay away from me on purpose.

I'm sure everyone experiences it. It's a small world (especially in Atlanta's film community) yet there are some folks who act like they hadn't heard of any project that I've done EVER...when I know they have. It strikes me as silly, to be in denial of the minor accomplishments of a peer. But, you'll get that in any setting. Someone mentioned Chefs, it happens in the music world too (I used to play there before movies).

The fact is that I have many director friends because I'm a producer and have helped many of them get their projects done. So a certain amount of respect is given to me based on that. However, I think most would still be friends (or friendly if friends isn't the right word) with me had I not been a producer who's helped them.

I have to admit that when I'm at film festivals (excluding the ones in Georgia where many folks know me) I get a "cold shoulder" feeling a lot. I'm not as big as you but I used to play football and have broadish shoulders and am a fashion illiterate (meaning whatever folks in attendance typically wear, I'd never be able to convince myself I could wear) so I usually wear Khakis and plain solid shirts (or when I'm wild an Atlanta/Georgia Tech logo'd shirt) etc. I don't think I look intimidating but even at relatively crowded screenings a PRIME seat is often left on either side (most times both) of me as folks don't usually dare take a seat beside me. And this isn't just "one time" I go to a lot of film festival relatively speaking.

You may have the same "aura" as I posess. Don't worry, you'll find friends in film but I empathize.

I think you just need to do your work and respect others work (where applicable) and it'll fall into place.

If you're looking to make friends with other directors. Offer to help them out on their next shoot. Even if they don't take you up on it, you'll be setting a precedent that you don't have an ego that places yourself "above" others.

My thoughts,

-Martin
 
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Hehe, yes, the music world can be that way too. I've talking with VERY protective people that don't want anyone around them that is doing the same things. As sad as it sounds, I often wonder if they feel I am going to steal their secrets. And yet, I bend over backwards to help others. In NC it isn't too bad, almost all the directors I have met except 2 have been AWESOME. I've even helped them on projects already when asked, in a variety of production roles.

I'd say NYC for me was an eye opener from a personal level last time I visited. People are very standoffish there to me. I am SUPER friendly and am usually the person that will make people new to the area feel comfortable, so for me to feel out of my element, it was strange.

Locally I try to attend many local filmmaker meet ups. It's the best place to find like minded people that you want to talk your craft with. Sure, there will be people there that are not great too, but I always make friends with those who run the events and that's how I end up getting into meeting people easier. Typically those people are better people people :)
 
I suck and I hate everyone.

I suck and I hate everyone.

I suck and I hate everyone, just on general principles.
Maybe that's why I have no friends; just my scripts. I'll be nice when I become successful. That's what Nietzsche said.
:violent5:
 
drlumina said:
I suck and I hate everyone, just on general principles.
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This struck me...some nostalgia.

The first film I ever worked on was an indie that a friend did on 16mm back in 1997. I worked as Music Supervisor, PA, and a supporting actor. He created characters for myself and him to do...kinda the Jay & Silent Bob of the movie (despite neither of us being silent)...his line when a psychiatrist was being wisked to assist another character, "Wait, your a psychiatrist? Is it normal to hate everyone on the planet?" :)

The funny think was those two characters were singled out for praise and we played them in other films and stage plays.

Anyway, a crazy side-bar I know but that just took me back...thanks.

-M
 
john threat said:
I live in NY. When I visited L.A. it seemed easier to be friends with other directors because everyone there is a director!
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From my experience, and I've been an East Coaster most of my life, people are just a helluva lot friendlier in California in general. It's disarming at times.
 
I went to film school with a bunch of guys, all of different strengths but we sort of drifted apart and being the sensitive one I think we aren't where we could have all been if we helped it other, although most of us all make a living doing film/tv in one capacity or another.

I hang out at a cafe full of people doing projects and sometimes Actors or other people introduce me to other people. Actors - they want to be friends, stay in touch, show you work and see your work.

Directors that i meet? Never - they don't even wanna see your work. They just want to know if I will shoot for free for them with my rig - script unseen. I try to send emails saying hello, but they go unanswered.

I have better luck talking to other people at Festivals or screenings - then it's usually fine - but once again - two directors - there is only so much we can do before it's like competition.

I brushed my teeth today.
 
Threat and Martay,

I'm in a similar boat. Imagine being an NCAA defensive end and an art major. You always hear about football players not accepting "everyone else" but, it definitely works both ways. I finally dropped to an art minor and took up Biology for the financial gain (HAAAA HAAA HAA HA!!! Yeah right.)

Anyway, I'm 36 now and not as intimidating but, I've asked people if I'd offended them and they told me they thought I hated everyone. I became a bartender/bouncer after school and was the only one who never through a punch. I was almost an expert at talking people out of the bar. Once people get to know you they realize you're just like everyone else but, a little scary looking.

Anyway, I digress. I now live in a very small town and a guy here is making really good films. I met his sound man and told him I wanted to volunteer at any position they needed help with. I told them I'd boom, assist the gaffer, pull focus, do set design, etc just to get some experience watching another director/DP. He was all cool with me and then no phone call. Saw him two months later and took down his email address. Emailed him. No reply. Saw him again and he pretended I wasn't there. Then I got the picture. It sucks when you know you can use the experience and you're limited in a smaller community. Such is life.
 
Wow thanks for sharing that story, I thought it was just my deodorant.

Seems like some of us out off anti "film" vibes. I did gaff for a while and everyone was fine with my aura as a funny gaffer guy who is strong,

Director, not so much. Even from other big guys.

I only meet people really when I screen films. And they finish seeing my work and it speaks to them.

Still, even when I was at TriBeCa film festival, on a film I DP'd for someone, it seemed like directors were still wary of each other,

Cept when they are drunk and or high at the parties. Oh yeah!
 
I love these stories!

I'm definitely running into the "you have to prove yourself" mentality. It's true I'm new to the industry and I understand the mentality, but it's interesting because everyone here has back stories - something they did before film.

Coming into the industry in my thirties with mostly a business / marketing background - people tend to blow me off. I just chalk it up to not having paid my dues yet. I'll have a feature and a web series or two out into the world by the end of the year and then maybe it will get a little better. Until then I just keep my head down on pre-production and soak up as much information as I can.
 
luvjaimie said:
I love these stories!

I'm definitely running into the "you have to prove yourself" mentality. It's true I'm new to the industry and I understand the mentality, but it's interesting because everyone here has back stories - something they did before film.

Coming into the industry in my thirties with mostly a business / marketing background - people tend to blow me off. I just chalk it up to not having paid my dues yet. I'll have a feature and a web series or two out into the world by the end of the year and then maybe it will get a little better. Until then I just keep my head down on pre-production and soak up as much information as I can.
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Exactly.
 
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