An alternative idea.

[rajjaskaran]

Okay, so, I originally posted a different idea dealing with a dystopian science fiction story about a clone and his revolutionary act of falling in love with a suburban girl. I decided to change it slightly. Here is the new idea:

n the future, the U.S. will become a police state, that will be enforced with armored clones produced by the tyrannic government,to ensure a perfect, Utopian country, with no crime or wrong-doing, as these clones are near perfect with their duty. The reason for that is because all their sense of emotion and feeling have been removed from their brains, which enables them to stay focused on their task.
This clone police force is based upon rank, the seekers, which basically protect from small-time crime, and privates, which engage in government investigations.

The story deals with Prototype 12, a clone private that is considered to be the best prototype clone of them all, is dubbed the name Jacob, and is sent into a low-income district to search and terminate Spark, a terrorist subject that has been bombing high class cities and was last reported to be seen in the district.
However, to stay undercover, he blends in with the people of the district, as he fears the people in the district have Spark hidden, and to reveal his true identity will prevent him from getting information on Spark's location. The government gives him a drug to take that synthesizes false emotion, that only works in the day, and allows him to remain undercover.Remember that the drug doesn't create the emotion of love.
Eventually, he does begin falling in love with a district resident, by the name of Stacy (though it isn't because of the drug). The two of them form a strong relationship, but when the government arrests her while she is trespassing into a government area.
The confused Jacob decides to try to save her from the grasps of the government, and once he manages to do so; this shocks the government, as they had all prototypes programmed to not love anyone. Through his attempt to save the girl, he learns about his dark past, as his rage of emotions also trigger others. He learns that he was created from a single celled-organism, and has no relation with anyone, and learns about the government's future plan to eventually kill off all "old - generation" humans and create new ones through these single-celled organisms.He also learns about his creator, who perhaps didn't create him like the other clone prototypes.

(In other words, his creator didn't erase the portion of his brain that processes emotion, as he felt he needed to spark a rebellion in the country. The prototype clones are actually created by these scientists known as creators. You learn a lot about the past of prototype 12's creator, and how he didn't marry, and created prototype 12 as his son, but was taken by the government for the use as a policeman.)

Do you honestly think this could work?
Any plot holes I should worry about?

 

[tmnt]

Anything 'can' work

Sounds alright, not necessarily new though how many things are. Has remnants of Robocop, The Island, Logan's Run even among others. Not really sure where you're going with the story, as in 'who is the girl?'. Is she part of the terrorist group who are trying to overthrow the government?

1. Don't think it's enough to save the girl, Jacob should save society from the clones as well by opening up the clones to emotion. Maybe near the end he along with his dad make this happen.

2. How is it a society with no crime or wrong doing? Are sinners killed on the spot or given something in the town's water to make them incapable of sinning?

3. Maybe Jacobs's Dad could have created another clone, the lead terrorist as he wasn't sure Jacob would revolt. This also could give Jacob an arc of having a brother and the conflict of family vs doing his job. Maybe this explains how a terrorist could have come about when a terrorist theoretically shouldn't exist. Also, after Jacob's dad is killed near the end (egad!) he has something/one to fight for.

4. I'm a little dumb, but does Jacob know he's a clone from the start?

5. What's the deal with Jacob's dad? I'm curious now.

6. Think you definitely have to hit this from another high concept type angle too or it's just another utopian/clone story. Is there another kicker we're not seeing?

 

[rajjaskaran]

I have decided to alter the concept a little (more like a lot)


n the future, the United States has become technologically advanced, and the credit is given to the three "fates," women who are considered the three Gods that humanity should bow down to. Basically, at the age of ten, children are sent to the fates to have their future determined. If they are predicted as becoming criminals or anything imperfect, they are sent to a facility to be executed. The people who are not going to be criminals or anything related to it are given jobs by the Gods.

The story deals with Aaron, a ten year old child and his sister who are sent to the Gods to have their future determined, and his sister is sent to an execution camp because she is predicted to murder one of the gods, while the boy is visioned to become the leader after the Gods fall. However, he rebels against his sister's fate, and pleads to the gods to have his sister back, but they refuse to do so. While his sister is being taken away, he is about to be sent to an execution camp himself for murder.
However, he continues to rebel while he is taken, and one officer decides to help him out, and helps him escape from his potential fate.
He then, along with other rebels whose voice was silenced for sometime, help the boy save his sister from the escorts taking her to the execution chamber.
Both of them, the boy and the girl, become symbols of hope and freedom of oppression to the people, and through their adventure, they eventually fulfill their own prophecy. The girl kills one of the gods, and the other two become servants of the leader, who is the boy.
The people are tired of having their fates being chosen, they are tired of the police force constantly oppressing them, and through the two children, they will have a new life.