ALIEN -- vertical writing = fast read

[Nektonic]

The script for Alien is written with a very lean and mean style of description that I've always really liked. Karl Igelsias calls it vertical writing in his book Writing For Emotional Impact. Granted, it may not be suited for every screenplay, but for some it seems to work wonders by getting to the point and making the script a fast read.

Here is a bit of the first page or so. (NOTE: that the script starts out inside the Nostromo, while Ridley Scott choose to have the ship's exterior be the first impression we got of the film's primary location, however this minor change doesn't effect the audience/reader's comprehension of the story.)

FADE IN

SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE:

INT. ENGINE ROOM

Empty, cavernous.

INT. ENGINE CUBICLE

Circular, jammed with instruments.
All of them idle.
Console chairs for two.
Empty.

INT. OILY CORRIDOR - "C" LEVEL

Long, dark.
Empty.
Turbos throbbing.
No other movement.

INT. CORRIDOR - "A" LEVEL

Long, empty.

INT. INFIRMARY - "A" LEVEL

Distressed ivory walls.
All instrumentation at rest.

INT. CORRIDOR TO BRIDGE - "A" LEVEL

Black, empty.

INT. BRIDGE

Vacant.
Two space helmets resting on chairs.
Electrical hum.
Lights on the helmets begin to signal one another.
Moments of silence.
A yellow light goes on.
Data mind bank in b.g.
Electronic hum.
A green light goes on in front of one helmet.
Electronic pulsing sounds.
A red light goes on in front of other helmet.
An electronic conversation ensues.
Reaches a crescendo.
Then silence.
The lights go off, save the yellow.

INT. CORRIDOR TO HYPERSLEEP VAULT

Lights come on.
Seven gowns hang from the curved wall.
Vault door opens.

INT. HYPERSLEEP VAULT

Explosion of escaping gas.
The lid on a freezer pops open.
Slowly, groggily, KANE sits up.
Pale.
Kane rubs the sleep from his eyes.
Stands.
Looks around.
Stretches.
Looks at the other freezer compartments.
Scratches.
Moves off.

INT. GALLEY

Kane plugs in a Silex.
Lights a cigarette.
Coughs.
Grinds some coffee beans.
Runs some water through.

KANE
Rise and shine, Lambert.

INT. HYPERSLEEP VAULT

Another lid pops open.
A young woman sits up.

LAMBERT
What time is it.

KANE
(voice over)
What do you care.

INT. GALLEY

Pot now half-full.
Kane watches it drip.
Inhales the fragrance.

KANE
Now Dallas and Ash.
(calls out)
Good morning Captain.

DALLAS
(voice over)
Where's the coffee.

KANE
Brewing.

LAMBERT walks into the kitchen.
Pours herself a cup.

INT. HYPERSLEEP VAULT

Two more lids pop open.
A pair of men sit up.
Look at each other.

Is it wise for unproduced spec (aka: aspiring) screenwriters to employ vertical writing when describing action, or will the Gatekeepers of Hollywood knock us for not sticking with the more standardized block paragraph style?

My worry is that it might be too clinical. But then again, the consensus is that studio script readers want scripts that are fast reads, so maybe using this spartan style, then later formatting it in more of a typical paragraph structure will help keep things moving while still looking like a proper script.

Thoughts on this anyone?

 

[pmark23]

Alien is my all-time favourite script (and IMHO one of the best written scripts there is), and I refer to it often.

My style is very derivative of it. One line per action or shot. Makes breakdown and shotlists a snap. Very easy for readers to understand complicated sequences (especially action).

A spec was written this way and got picked up (and it was a simple drama with almost no action).

 

[Eximious]

I agree with you two. Alien is fantastic. My only concern with the "vertical writing" style is a violation of the page / minute rule of thumb. The draft I'm looking at only has 96 pages, but the movie itself is a solid 120 minutes. Still, the idea of cutting out needless transitions has always been appealing to me. It's really like writing with a storyboard (and SFX / dialogue), which makes perfect sense for filmmaking.

Still, I can imagine a thriller or suspense film could make fantastic use of this. Maybe other genres could use it selectively? Imagine something like:

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Candles lit.
Rose petals scattered along the floor.
He caresses her skin.
Wraps his arms around her waist.
Bites her lip softly.

GUY
You're beautiful.

Etc.

 

[Nektonic]

Still, the idea of cutting out needless transitions has always been appealing to me. It's really like writing with a storyboard (and SFX / dialogue), which makes perfect sense for filmmaking.

That's one of the reasons I like this style. It gets to the point faster, makes the read a bit faster and more intense, and forces the writer to keep moving. I bet this might be helpful for getting that first draft out quickly, even if you eventually want to go back and make the script more traditional looking in terms of formatting descriptions.

 

[Eximious]

That's one of the reasons I like this style. It gets to the point faster, makes the read a bit faster and more intense, and forces the writer to keep moving. I bet this might be helpful for getting that first draft out quickly, even if you eventually want to go back and make the script more traditional looking in terms of formatting descriptions.

You know, this would probably be a great exercise for new screenwriters. I think we should start up a seminar.

 

[kylekmd]

I love this script. It is THE example I use to show screenwriting newbies fast, economical, vertical description.

 

[Randall_Oelerich]

Just started reading Alien this morning, just read half of it in about 45 minutes (I read fiction slower than most). Relative to other scripts I have been reading it is a very fast read.

 

[Eximious]

Re-read Alien today. I have to admit that I have one more complaint about the vertical writing style: characterization. The only non-dialogue characterization we get is from the diagram that lists each crew member and their rank / job position. Nothing else. I have to admit that I got many of the names jumbled early on. Luckily, when people start dying, you have to remember fewer and fewer names!

Anyhow, here's the structural breakdown:

******************

9: The crew discover that a craft has gone down nearby. Their job is to investigate and rescue. Many of the crew don't want to.

29: Alien attaches to Kane on the planet.


34: Ash defies Ripley, opens the airlock for the three outside.

45: Alien detaches from Kane

47: Ripley confides in Dallas (lover and captain) her suspicions about Ash.

54: Alien blasts through Kane's chest, after he appears to recover.

56-71: Crew tries to capture Alien and send it through airlock.

72: Captain Dallas dies, Ripley assumes control.


73-78: Ripley wants to continue with same plan. They almost get Alien in airlock by sheer luck, but an alarm sounds at the worst moment. Ripley's suspicions about Ash come to ahead.

79-84: Ripley steals computer key from Ash's room. Goes to computer. Her suspicions are confirmed. Ash confronts her. She kills Ash.

85: New plan. Blow the ship. Escape in shuttle.

86-90: Ripley gets cat, two others get food. All but Ripley killed.

91-96: Ripley gets to shuttle (after trying to cool engines), fights Alien, ejects it out airlock.


******************

The first thirty or so pages really just whet our appetite. There's come conflict, e.g. tension in the crew about not having a full share of profits and an electrical fire when the shuttle lands, nothing major though. The story is mostly propelled by our interest in this unique diegesis. Then there's the suspense, of course: first the mysterious message from Mother. The call for help. But Ripley thinks it's a warning. Uhoh. Then there's the huge, mysterious fossil on the planet's surface. The foreboding space ship. Good suspense all around.

30-34 really set the story in motion, as one might expect. Ripley and Ash start to experience tension and the alien threatens the crew.

We then ask, "what's going to happen to Kane?" The story tries a number of avenues to solve the situation. All fail. The creature finally pops off by itself, and we only have a few pages of relative calm ("let's have a quick meal before we go into stasis") before the alien blasts through Kane's chest in an incredible midpoint.

Then we ask, "how will the crew capture and eject the alien?" They try a number of methods. All fail. Many die. Dallas' death marks a lowpoint for our adventurers.

After Dallas' death, the subplot with the traitorous Ash comes to its climax. After Ash is destroyed, it's time to escape. After Ripley kills the alien, there's about a page and a half of denoument.

Very effective storytelling.