Age problem

Evan S

Evan S

Veteran
Here is the problem. I'm 17. I turn 18 in September. I'm dating a 20 year old. It's a very serious relationship. My parents treat me as an adult. I'm out of high school and starting college soon. My parents let her spend the night on the weekends Fri, Sat, Sun. The problem is that my girlfriend (who is 20) Lives with her parents and they feel they can control what she does. They won't let her come over recently because they feel I am to young. (the age of consent is 16.) When I turn 18 in one short month I fear they will still attempt to control her. I don't want her kicked out of her house and I'm looking for an easy simple way to explain to her parents that she is 20 years old and should be able to be responsible enough to choose who she sees and come and go as she pleases. She'll be getting a job very shortly to pay rent (she's also a full time student). So we're both very responsible in my opinion, but I'm just at a loss on how to get them to realize she's not a child anymore. She also fully understands the situation and doesn't want to listen to them but feels she has to for fear of what they may do.

(and I know deep down inside they wouldn't kick her out of the house, as I've heard on many occasions they would never do such a thing, they're nice people. But not understanding in our age difference.)

Sorry for crappy grammar. Live with it :)!
 
Work around it. You're not going to convince her parents to change their parenting style. And like it or not parents will always treat a daughter differently than a son.

If she's worth it, you'll work around her not spending the night and tough it out. In a year she'll be 21, and maybe she'll have her own place.
 
If necessary, you can always stay over at her place even if you have to sneak around.

My last girlfriend had a kid that didn't like her mother to have overnight guests, so I had to sneak in and out of her mother's room a lot. My girlfriend seemed OK with it, even though it felt like high school and made both of us tired at work the next day.

You gotta do what you gotta do...
 
One day, any time age may be brought up, refer to yourself as 21, and keep doing this. One day they will say, "Wait, I thought you were 17?" and laugh and say, "What?"

This isn't going to work, sorry.

I have a similar problem on a much lower key. My girlfriend's parents don't let her have boyfriends... imagine what they think of me.
 
you're too young to be locked into a relationship anyway. next thing you know you'll be married with a kid at 21 and working minimum wage to put food on the table... or, you know... maybe not. but really, my advice at your age is to keep your options open and bang everything in sight. save the relationships for after college.
 
I'm not really someone who bangs everything in sight. It's more about having someone I can talk to that's not going to judge me. I'm not even that much into sex. I'm not going to lie. I do the "you-know-what" with her. However, it's just not that important. I don't stop what I'm doing to be with her. Career comes first, but she is a very important person to me and I do care how much time I spend with her. It's summer and we're trying to see eachother as much as possible before school starts.
 
cygnet74 said:
you're too young to be locked into a relationship anyway. next thing you know you'll be married with a kid at 21 and working minimum wage to put food on the table... or, you know... maybe not. but really, my advice at your age is to keep your options open and bang everything in sight. save the relationships for after college.
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Ahh, cygnet you sentimental fool you! Bang everything in sight indeed. And here I thought you were this emotional, art film guy who would rather ponder the meaning of love than bang everything in sight. I guess I pegged you wrong. You are a much more interesting person to me now. Unless of course you were being sarcastic. Then you are just as interesting as you were before.

Directinglegend, as to the problem of your girlfriend, only she can talk to her parents about it. Imagine being a full grown adult and having a 17 year old come and tell you that you need to parent your daughter differently. Will not go well. Toughing it out or having her try to talk to them are the two options as I see them.
 
Her mom acts like a 13 year old teenage girl. And often argues with me (for example one time she argued with me because I don't like beans in my burritos) and she also calls me "fat".
 
I think you should just wait a while. If you 2 are both serious about your relationship, waiting another year without seeing each other every day shouldn't be a problem (hard, but possible).

For her mom, I don't know what to say. Try to act as mature as possible and don't fight with her. I know it's real hard to impress someone once they have judged you wrongly, but eventually she might come around.
 
As long as your girlfriend lives with her parents, you'll both just have to deal. If I were her Dad, I'd contemplate putting my foot in your ass as you stood there telling me how my parenting style needed a change.

Having said that, if she were out and on her own, then there's nothing her parents could do about it (legally speaking, of course...).







btw, I'm kidding about the foot in the ass thing. It's just my style of humor.
 
She lives with her parents so she must do as her parents wish. Until she finds her own roof; she is bummed.

If you press the situation or make enemies with her parents it will only create animosity for everyone. And truthfully, I do nto many parents who take kindly to an 18 year old telling them how things oughta be.
 
Dude, my second biggest fear is that I will have a daughter. My biggest fear is that if I have a daughter she will meet someone like me...

It's understandable.

-Jeremy
 
I wouldn't want my 20 year old daughter rubbing it in my face that she's sleeping over with her 17 yr. old boyfriend. No way. Call me old-fashioned but that would not fly with me (that's why I'll never have kids.)

It's not unreasonable for them to request (or demand) she not do that while living under their roof. As for telling her she can't date you - that's no good. Unless you're a lawless hooligan always getting her in trouble. If so, you better stay away from that nice girl!
 
John_Hudson said:
She lives with her parents so she must do as her parents wish. Until she finds her own roof; she is bummed.

If you press the situation or make enemies with her parents it will only create animosity for everyone. And truthfully, I do nto many parents who take kindly to an 18 year old telling them how things oughta be.
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Totally true... as she is under her parents roof, she must respect their ruling...
 
Yeah, what everybody else said. She is under their roof...the only think you can do now is wait. Wait until she moves out. You gotta respect their gig. Put yourself in their shoes. They are only trying to love their daughter. They honestly think they are doing whats best for her and her well-being. Its not as if they are being spiteful. Unless of course, they just do not like you.

Parents not liking you can be the kiss of death...I had a girlfriend once whose mother hated me. We had different religious beliefs...her mother hated me. My girlfriend loved me to pieces. But I underestimated the mother/daughter bond. Her mother eventually undermined everything I said or did until the point of ending our relationship. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE INFLUENCE OF A PARENT. ESPECIALLY A GOOD ONE.

She just wanted what she thought was best for her daughter...right or wrong. So, you are just going to have to deal with it until she moves out. And in the meantime, kill her parents with kindness...

Rick
 
Wow, you actually went to Dear Abby? It's unfortunate for you what is happening, and I'm glad I don't have that problem. What was stated above, in reference to being nice to the parents is probably the best advice given throughout the thread.

I was actually a little nervous at first too, with the acceptance by my girlfriend's parents because I'm brown and my girlfriend is white. I didn't know how they would react, but once I proved to them that I was intelligent, could hold my own in a conversation and respected them, all was fine. Good luck to you!

-Kegan
 
You love this woman, but remeber youre 17. No matter how mature you are you only have 10 or 12 years of conscious existence. Be careful where you tread, and realise that a relation ship ending is not the end of the world. ( im not telling you to bang everythign in sight, or breakup) Im 23. but i leanerd in the last 6 years, for instance, that everything can, and most likely will change within the matter ofa few years. Be aware that change is part of the equasion.

Dont make rash descisions. i did and i paid a high price for it.

Hope it works out. :)
 
I agree with terry!!!! bro... be mature , be man of your woman, don't fight about stupi **** like that, chill, show them that you are a young and responsable adult, if her mom gets in your face , just smile and say :- its all good- ( kill them with love) or you can slap her.... just kidding... just think for you future put those chips in the table and have a great hand, I think you are great getting involve with somebody like that, I did many times and I learn more that all the "dudes" that just bang everything they see....you learn more tricks and expirience much more things that just a bang..... IT LOve my brother!!! ( Latino and armenian man.... to much love hahaha)
Best Regards
 
Wivellicious said:
That's quite the second post. Welcome to the forum. Good luck.... you're gonna need it.
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This is one of the best posts all week. thanks Wivellicious.
 
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