a short I wrote... feedback would be IMMENSELY appreciated

No, I disagree. It's entirely cliche. Just flick on the tube: you'll see any combination of "blah" running on repeat.

BUT if you add something original... say, an "s," you just may have something. "blah blahs blahss" is real, edgy and artistically sound. Reminds me of an early Bunel with maybe a little Fassbinder tossed in for good measure.

Keep at it.
 
StefanHaynes said:
No, I disagree. It's entirely cliche. Just flick on the tube: you'll see any combination of "blah" running on repeat.
.
Click to expand...

Oh stop with you elitist art house attitude. Adding a "S" to "Blah" will make the story inaccessible to most readers. The guy has a great concept here, don't try and turn it on its head with some pretentious avant guard nonsense.
 
brianluce said:
Oh stop with you elitist art house attitude. Adding a "S" to "Blah" will make the story inaccessible to most readers. The guy has a great concept here, don't try and turn it on its head with some pretentious avant guard nonsense.
Click to expand...

LOL.

If you wanted Blah Blah Blah with some structure and build tension to the third act perhaps

Blah; Blah, Blah
 
JT Ryder said:
LOL.

If you wanted Blah Blah Blah with some structure and build tension to the third act perhaps

Blah; Blah, Blah
Click to expand...

I think you're on to something. If I could just expand on your idea, how about

Blah; Blah, Blah. or if the idea is to make it a trilogy, like "Lord of the Rings", you could go with

Blah; Blah, Blah...
 
I'd say it's very repetitive. In the third act you're re-establishing what was already established two times over. It's sort of like three seperate movies. Each act has it's own introduction? Also your formatting was a bit off. No spelling mistakes though.

All in all, the plot was great. Maybe if you cut it down to just a short...

EDIT: By short I mean really short.
 
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