"One Step Ahead" Short Film

I think it showed a lot of promise.

For a first short, it was very well done. The story was a little cliched but overall it was a very good first effort.

My biggest advice would be to cast age appropriate where possible. If you don't have actors who are the right age, then try to find a story that better fits your actors.

Chris
 
I tried to watch the entire short but I just coouldn't take it. From what I saw the thing that was bothering me the most your choise of shots and the dialog in the short. It was just driving me up the wall. I understand that this is your first short film and I'm sure that the next one will be better. Also it seemed like your actors were draging ass. Maybe they picked it up after the point that I stopped at but it didn't seem like they were going to. I understand that maybe they aren't real actors and its all you had to work with. But do whatever to get a fire under those peoples' ass so they'll act.

Also I don't know how much prep time you had before you shot this but you should of had a read through with the actors. Maybe you did and no one said anything about the script. I don't know if you wrote the script or what. But next time try reading it out loud and see if it sounds like people talking.

The shots you had in those first couple minutes were really flat and were really shakey. Try and steady your shots and make them a little more interesting. I mean the dialog was driving me up the wall but the shots were putting me to sleep. All I'm saying is try and make every shot show something. Like the way an actor looks at another actor. Try and show the story to the viewer. What you did was place the viewer infront of a TV, instead of putting them in the TV/story.

Hey, this is just my two cents on this. You could always just dismiss evrything I've said because I didn't see the whole thing. But you have to give people a reason to sit through your short.
 
I could only handle 30 seconds. Age appropriate for your actors is dead on. I really disliked the piano music in the background...it didn't belong. Just the fact that your out there trying is great.

Keep it up -Kevin
 
Well.... I'll start off easy.
1. Lens Flare - By creating the flare in the lense in your last scene you are establishing the camera and the lens.
2. Dialogue was too heavy.... Actors couldn't hold the heavy diologue.
3. Lighting - setting up some photofloods is not going to help you.... you need to doctor your light.

4. Stop making your films around cool looking guns...
they're not cool.

I'm sorry that this is so harsh but you should use what you have around you.
It looks like what you have around you is a bunch of 18-21 year olds... write a story using the resources you have now, or find some older actors.
 
Oh yeah, what did you do as an executive producer?????
NOT everyone can be Robert Rodriguez... focus on something it will do you good...
Your beginning credits ARE NOT needed unless you have "name" actors in your film we don't care who Kevin Derr is... save your credits for the end... and roll them fast..
 
Fair enough, and what is wrong with a lens flare? And, I disagree about the opening credits. I saw them as filler, to introduce the story in the beginning.
 
briceman said:
what is wrong with a lens flare?
Click to expand...
Absolutely nothing is wrong with anything.

A lens flare, however, establishes the fact that there is a camera. It makes the viewer more
"aware" you could say. It seems less believable, IMHO, because the movie isn't a window
into someone else's world when you're aware of a camera being present. That's all.
 
On a technical note, lens flare reduces contrast, creates smear, mushes colors, and plain looks bad.
(outside any influence on the story of a dramatic narrative)
 
I think you had good directing skills. i didn't like any of the images at all but just the way it moved- or was cut tells me that you had a good editor and a directing sense. you cant have everything on your first try but it was pretty darn good.

otherwise, i didn't care much for the story nor the shots. :beer:
 
..my wife liked this. she said it was one of the best things shes seen from DVXuser. from a technical standpoint, i had to disagree with her, but from a storyline POV i though it was more involved and interesting than watching the latest run about through a city or some kids with airsoft guns.. i had to agree with her in general on that side. generally i think ive seen some of the best stuff in the monthly contests and the few and far between films that have real effort put into them. but this one .. although id go right along with the comments that came before mine- was a good effort. thats what i appreciated the most. regardless of the age and the script and all.. it was somthing that came together as an actuall story. ..yes cliche.. yes chisled out of stone for the lines.. but it was still an entertaining peice none the less. and i didnt mind the opening credits.. im doing the same thing right now.. using no- name actors names as filler for an intro. i dont expect anyone to care about the names or even read them.. i just expect them to let me get away with using more imagery at the beginning to help introduce the short. and i dont think that hurts anything.. the smaller and less attention grabbing they appear on screen, the less pretentious it will seem. ..even hollywood films credits actors nobody would recognize from a hill of beans in the beginning sometimes. its abot the visuals.. not the credits. so just be sure that they display and come off accordingly.

anyway, good job. id pay attention to all the comments here.. all good advice.
 
you mean my post?
a well directed film doesn't necessarily make it a good story or a film in the standpoint of entertainment. that's all i was saying.
 
Thanks for some of the comments on this film from ages ago... I re-read the comments, and actually realized that on my latest short I implemented a lot of the feedback I got!
 
I watched the first half so far, I thought it was actually pretty engaging. Despite the whole actors age thing. I don't think that making films your first time is essentially about getting older actors, people that pshyically match the roles anyway. Especially on shorts, not saying you shouldn't ... just that it's supposed to help you gain expeirence, although you could write stories that fits your actors. You could also make your actors appear older by angles and lighting and tone of voice, but all of that is unimportant I think.

I really enjoy the dialouge, even though it came off really stiff.

The music was really bad though, it sounded like cheap midi made by a monkey banging on a keyboard. So if you can in a future short get someone with a nice sythn orchestral pack, or focus more on soundeffects and less music and only use music sparringly.

Anyways, good effort in my opinion. I enjoyed what I've seen so far.
 
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