Picture Perfect Memories

Thanks Pauly. Sci-fi requires broad strokes with imagination and story, but six pages confined them.

But at least it allows us all to see if our stories and worth fleshing out...

Thanks again.
 
seansshack said:
Was interested reading an interview with Gary Oldman (when I started writing for the fest) and he mentioned looking at old photo's of himself as a boy and just wanting to be in that picture again...
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[insert ominous music] Should try and get in touch with Oldman and send him that script, might be of some interest to him haha.

Seriously though, good work, I enjoyed it, minor errors here and there but nothing to big. Definitely an engaging story, keep it up.
 
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I like endings like this, very cool.
Fit the theme perfectly. Polish it up and this could be a great Twilight Fest entry in the right hands.

Well done.

Mike
 
Thanks.

+ great suggestion. If anyone is interested for Twilight Fest, drop me a line and she's yours (after a polish of course...
 
Pretty cool Idea. I feel I need an explanation on how frank is time travelling. Thats's just me though. There was one dialog part that distracted me a bit. "looks like daddy has been looking at old photo's again. Whatcha got there?" Everyone knows why the photo's are there, no need to repeat it. Seems too fake. Other than that I thought this was a well done and interesting concept/premise. Another one of those "would make a good feature length project". Thanks for sharing.
 
"looks like daddy has been looking at old photo's again
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To make us think that they think as they say that Daddy was indeed going through family photo's - but now Daddy is no longer daddy.

So the line makes us think all that has happens is "as is" and they have just returned home. But then we see he is not longer there.

The line helps us feel. All is fine. The family are back and he made a mess. Daddy is still Daddy...


Thanks for the read.
 
The scene with the fortune teller felt contrived to me. If you're down and confused and needing to talk to someone a fortune teller isn't the first person that comes to mind.

Otherwise, nice script.
 
I'm intrigued by the concept, but (as already mentioned) it does seem cramped at this length. I'd agree with krestofre that the fortune teller bit seems odd--maybe you could have used that space to show another scene or two from the photos that could have hinted at him eventually getting trapped.

But an interesting read at any rate. I can easily see it going longer.

(Oh, and--logically, Sally should look different if somebody new is her father now, but obviously you have to just overlook that one. :) )
 
or she got her mother's looks?

Two of my kids look more like my wife than me.

But to use a different actress would throw it on it's head.

Thanks for reading.
 
Frank is sitting at the same spot as before.
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could easily be: "Frank sits in the same spot as before" and it would read a lot quicker, a lot more fluid.

Sally walks into the room and looks down at the collection
of photographs on the floor. Her attention is taken by one
photograph on the floor.
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redundant. how about "one in particular holds her attention.

overall, apart from the passive voice, i thought it was a great script. i liked the fortune teller scene although i think it should be set up earlier in some way. he might pass a sign or maybe his father gave him a free reading there as a joke gift? i don't know. something. the gimmick (kind of reminded me of the last shot in "the shining")is cool and it would be infinitely easy to produce and film which, considering a lot of the other entries here, you should get some kind of special award for.

probably my favorite entry of the fest.

go film it!
 
Thanks for the review and compliment. Gotta stop using that passive voice.

Nice idea with the fortune teller scene. Might work with more emotion if he did go while in the past.

For some reason. I see him gasping for breath (like someone coming up for air when swimming) each time be comes back to present time.

You're right. Would be easy to shoot and should work very well. Would be very low-def if I "tried" to shoot it...
 
Was thinking of expanding on this and writing it 10 pages + changing the setting to a motel/hotel (is where he is staying and jumping through time/getting addicted).

Would someone help me with read if I return the favour?
 
Just saw your post Sean, I'll do a revised script read swap. I'm going to re-write my first scriptfest entry God's Warehouse.
 
Cool thanks. Will have it ready in a couple of days - preparing to present a paper in Dublin tomorrow (can feel the nerves creeping), so should be clear to work in it after that.

Thanks again.
 
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