"DRURY LANE" - everything I've learn from DVXuser thus far...

stinkpot

stinkpot

Well-known member
Here I present to you my first (very) short film. It's about a man and a woman and the baked food item that comes between them.

Everything that I have learned from this great DVXuser community in under 3 minutes. Feedback needed please.

http://designographic.com/drurylane/drury_web1.wmv

DVX100 + 50mm Pentax prime.

Thanks for taking the time to check it out!
 
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Funny video. If you could dolly/zoom in when his fists are clenched and the muffin is on the table that might add a bit to the scene.

I liked it though, funny stuff.

Cheers,

Mike
 
Mike. I agree, the camera could move around a bit more especially for those shots.

Thanks for taking a peek.
 
filmman said:
Is there some symbolism involved?
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Nothing too deep. This story was mainly used as a framework for allowing me to set up certain shots, gain experience working with actors, etc... kind of a self imposed film assignment. I guess the knife in muffin could be somewhat suggestive and symbolic.
 
Totally awesome. You've learned a lot from dvxuser it seems. I loved it. The casting. The shots. The tone. Original and fun.
 
Nedria said:
As for me, too short)))
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That is the main complaint from viewers so far. Even thought it was intended as a test film, I tried making it a little story... but it may be too "little".

Hopefully our Twilight Fest short will be completed in time for submission and that will give me a better story to wrap my camera around.

Thanks for the feedback.
 
every shot should tell something:

- guy is reading his newspaper and likes to drink coffee...we don't see his face so we don't know who he is (well even if we saw his face I assume it's not George Clooney ??? or is it??? :-p)
Who's voice is that at 00:09 ? listen carefully...

- next shot...attention to the cup...ok..so this cup is important....because it get's attention

- you have cutted a part in a take...around 00:12 I see a "sudden move" which means you have deleted somewhere in the middle of a shot...

- delete the first 24 seconds...they don't tell anything...

- another voice around 01:09....

I like the story itself...it's funny. What you could have add were some "dolly" shots (but that's not easy) and maybe a "pushpull" shot.

The shot itself where ok...I'm not a DOP...so I can not comment a lot on that...

For the sound...Well...it's not bad...but I think the guy booming doesn't like to boom :-p and is more interested in doing light :-p

It could be a nice intro to something bigger... Will he find the muffinman ? what will she do ?? and .... what about...the milkman ?? ha !!!!!
 
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